Even though this interview with model and actress April Scott is pretty damn long, keep in mind as you read it that I edited out all the parts where I fawned over her or terrified her by being inappropriately personal or just generally made a brain-dead ass out of myself. Unfortunately that took the interview from 47 pages long to "hi", so I put some of that stuff back in and the result is what many scientists are calling the greatest interview ever. But its that way only because of April, who would be obsession-worthy even if she werent so devastatingly beautiful.

Raised on a farm in southeastern Missouri, April moved to Los Angeles shortly after graduating from Christian College in Branson, where she was awarded a bachelors degree in theater and graduated as valedictorian with a 4.083 grade point average. Quite frankly, I could have done without that. Its charming as hell that April is so damn smart and genuinely sweet, but it wrecked the original idea which was to just ask her if she would have sex with me over and over and over until she caved, or at least ask wildly offensive and inappropriate stuff like "I heard your gynecologist sent you a dozen roses one time. Is that true?" But it quickly became obvious that April wasnt going to put up with any of that crap. So instead we talked about make-up tricks, dogs, supernatural powers and alligator wrestling, but mostly about her meteoric success as a model and actress. Shes landed choice roles on The Shield and CSI: Miami, and hosting gigs for shows on TBS and ESPN2. But you dont look like April looks without getting modeling work, and shes done a lot, for Glamour, Maxim, and Shape, as well as Bud Light and endless catalogs and calendars.

So here you go, more pictures of April and the two of us spreading our message of love in the very first IDontLikeYou IM-terview. All after the pictures below.



(a quick note here, if this reads like we picked it up in the middle of a conversation, that's becasue we did. we were on the phone setting up an IM chat, and this is basically just the transcript of the chat)

Me: You look unnervingly like my last girlfriend by the way. Its freaking me out a little.
April: Thats strange. Be careful what you ask or I might start yelling...
April: Just kidding.
Me: Youre already withholding sex from me, so yelling would be the next logical step.
April: So you werent able to download the Motley Crue video? Thats a shame.
April: It should work now if you try it.
Me: The only video I got to work was your Palms Casino video.
Me: I did run a Google on you...
Me: You look really different with no makeup.
Me: I mean, still cute. I guess.
April: ha ha ha.
Me: I went and gave her a good karate attack for impersonating you.
Me: So its cool now.
April: Thanks for looking out for me.
Me: Part of my tough love program.
April: Speaking of fighting ... one of my poodles just tried to attack the other one.
Me: Thats why I got rid of my poodles.
Me: Too much violence.
April: They are actually really sweet. I have one named Barbie who is white and a black one named Jewels.
Me: Are they new, or did they come with you from Missouri?
April: I adopted them a year ago.
April: They are each four years old.
Me: Its astoundingly cool that you would adopt three year olds. And not just puppies.
April: Thanks. Their owner couldnt take care of them anymore and they needed to be together.
Me: Youre an angel. How long have you been in LA?
April: Three years this month.
Me: Youve done well. Fast. And you get paid to be hot. Ive actually been ticketed for smiling at a camera.
Me: Was LA always the plan? Acting? Modeling?
April: I always planned to pursue acting. I got my degree in theater, but I just fell into modeling when I got here.
April: Im from a really small town and there werent any modeling opportunities there.
Me: I heard that youre so hot, a boy actually died after kissing you. And thats why you had to leave Missouri. Youre like Rogue from the X-Men. You went on a quest to understand and harness your powers. Powers of hotness.
Me: Is that true?
April: It was actually cardiac arrest.
Me: Seems reasonable.
Me: But youre adapting pretty well to L.A. Dont miss the small town at all?
April: Not for a second. It never really felt like home to me.
Me: Too slow?
April: Maybe. Too isolated.
April: I grew up on a twenty acre farm in a town of 2000 people. Three miles down a gravel road.
April: Much like solitary confinement.
Me: Well you went to a Christian college in Branson. That had to be raucous.
April: I was the R.A. in an all girls dorm.
Me: Thats pretty hot...
Me: Would you ever discipline the girls with pillow fights?
April: I patrolled the halls to make sure that everyone was in their rooms by midnight.
April: You wouldnt have liked it there. There were absolutely no boys allowed!
Me: Yeah what a nightmare that would have been.
April: Arent you from Nebraska?
Me: Louisiana. Small town. Like, the offensive Louisiana stereotype, with confederate flags and alligator wrestling, that was home.
April: Cool.
April: Do you still wrestle alligators?
Me: Only when they need to be taught a lesson. Ill strip down to my shorts and put a knife in my mouth and dive into the bayou…
Me: surface an hour later wearing its head as a hat.
Me: Im all man, baby.
April: Yikes. I better be good then.
Me: Not like those Hollywood boy-toys you hang with.
Me: Speaking of that, whats the romantic life like for you?
April: I have a boyfriend. Hes half Italian and half Armenian and very hot.
April: And he benches 365 lbs.
Me: I curl that.
April: No boy-toys for me...
Me: Im actually 6'5 - 280...
Me: but I seem bigger because people respect me so much.
Me: How long have you two been together?
April: Right on a year.
Me: So its just about over then, huh? Golly, thats too bad.
Me: Whats the path for you now? I know you wrote a screenplay.
April: I am concentrating on acting right now. I have some movie opportunities coming up this summer.
April: But I am still going to continue modeling because I love it so much.
April: And I am shooting my own swimsuit calendar right now. So thats exciting.
Me: Wow, all you, just you?
April: Just me.
Me: Im not gonna lie to you ... Im very much interested in seeing that.
April: So how are your screenplays coming along?
Me: The screenplays are great. Im a genius, so that worked out nicely. Selling the screenplays is taking a little longer than I would have hoped.
April: I hear that. Writing is such a competitive field.
Me: Youre a really good typist by the way.
April: Thanks.
Me: Its weird, I have friends who are brilliant and they live in their car, I have friends who are hacks and they make millions.
Me: So random.
Me: Success doesnt seem like its always based on merit. Frustrating.
Me: Do you have a hard time being taken seriously?
Me: Because of the hotness.
April: Sometimes. People have a preconceived idea of my IQ before they get to know me. I hope I surprise them.
April: To tell you a secret ... Im really a book worm. I had a 4.0 GPA in college. Just between you and me.
April: People dont exactly expect that of lingerie models.
Me: Yeah, I had a model brag to me once about her "self-defecating" sense of humor. I didnt have the heart to explain what she said and why it was different than "self-deprecating".
April: What genre are your screenplays? Comedies I hope?
Me: Kind of unapologetic summer action/comedies.
April: Youre very funny. I havent laughed this much in a while.
Me: Youre very easily impressed. I love that trait in girls. In fact I kind of depend on it.
April: Very cool. May Bruce Willis or Tom Cruise become attached to your films very soon.
Me: Thanks again.
Me: Who are you repped by?
April: CED for print.
April: And theatrically Im in the process of changing agencies.
Me: Why is that?
April: You have to go with the flow. Go in the direction with the most momentum. All while keeping your loyalty.
Me: I left my last lit agent. She barely even spoke to me. Kidnappers stayed on the phone longer than that woman did.
Me: Are you taking acting classes now?
April: I have a private acting coach.
Me: Why do you like that more than a class?
April: More personal attention. And more specific help for audition material. But classes are good too.
Me: So, if you could choose any path, what would it be - film, stage, television, writing...
April: All of the above. But right now, movies are my poison.
April: And you left out directing...
April: Do you have a favorite movie?
Me: The Way of The Gun. You?
April: Dr. Strangelove and I also like Scarface.
April: and Goodfellas.
Me: Wow. Can you even talk to the other models or do they just stare at you like a dog who heard a bell ring.
April: hahaha
April: "Pavlov". Is that how you spell his name? The dog guy with the bells...
Me: I think so. Sounds right.
Me: But I'm not very smart, so...
Me: What movie stuff do you have coming up? You said you had some auditions.
April: No, a part, but its not been announced yet.
April: But Ill make sure and let you know when it is.
Me: Really, indie or studio?
April: Studio.
Me: Color me impressed. Good part?
April: Yes. Im very excited.
Me: A lead?
April: No, a medium role. But sometimes a medium role in a big film is better than a lead role in an indie.
April: Sometimes.
Me: True enough.
Me: Well, thats all I need. I cant thank you enough for this.
April: Well best of luck with you. I think your website is super cool and it was great talking to ya.
Me: Same here. Thanks again.
April: Goodnight. Talk to you soon.



plenty more with April on AprilScott.com