Despite almost universal condemnation by pediatricians about the practice, Britney Spears has decided she will have an underwater birth when delivering her first child in a few weeks. But since that's the type of insanity reserved for regular idiots, Britney will of course super size it. In Touch Magazine is reporting that Britney:

will deliver her baby in a special pool filled with 1,000 one-liter bottles of specially blessed Kabbalah water costing a whopping $3,800!"

The odds of this ending in tragedy can only be expressed in a previously uninvented percentage that's above 100. If Kevin somehow manages to not flick his cigarettes out in the bath water - and that's a big if, lets not kid each other - he'll almost certainly electrocute Britney and the baby somehow. Dropping the camera seems a strong candidate. And I don't mean to sound like a complete monster, but so be it, since the world needs these two idiot hillbillies to have a kid like we need the return of fire breathing dragons.