BREAKING NEWS - Britney is giving birth right now

91 Comments:

  • this baby is going to suck ...because it has one hillbilly moron and one urban moron for parents...

    By Anonymous, on 11:58 AM  

  • get a life
    who gives a fkying crap
    1000 people will give birth today
    many more will die.
    you're a jerk.

    By Anonymous, on 12:00 PM  

  • no, you're a jerk.
    Thanks for pointing out the obvious.
    Mouth-breather...

    By Anonymous, on 12:03 PM  

  • Kid will be raised by Nannys that live in a different trailer.

    By Anonymous, on 12:03 PM  

  • The baby will come out screaming for Big Macs and Super Sized fries since that's all Britney has been eating as of late.

    By Anonymous, on 12:05 PM  

  • Hope she gets an extra stich!

    ATV & Dirt Bike Warehouse

    By Anonymous, on 12:05 PM  

  • at least her twatty isnt gonna get all schwagged out ^^

    By Anonymous, on 12:07 PM  

  • You don't get 'schwagged out' after natural child birth.

    The muscle needs to heal for a few weeks, but then it's back to normal.

    By Anonymous, on 12:11 PM  

  • you can take the trash out of the trailer, but........

    By Anonymous, on 12:13 PM  

  • No, I said I didn't want anymore rabies.

    By Anonymous, on 12:14 PM  

  • OMG this is the funniest post I have ever read!! I love your website!! Keep up the good work!!

    By Anonymous, on 12:15 PM  

  • If you would read the article she is having a c-section asshats. No sewing the cooch up.

    By Anonymous, on 12:15 PM  

  • You've been farked...

    ...but I still doubt people will care.

    By Anonymous, on 12:16 PM  

  • I had no idea Cedars Sinai had a pool filled with Kaballah water ready for her. Can doctors still sew under water?

    By Nic, on 12:17 PM  

  • o my god

    By Anonymous, on 12:18 PM  

  • Stitch her up with that damn red Kabbalah string.

    By Anonymous, on 12:19 PM  

  • If you seriously give 1/2 a fuck about this blonde bimbo and this hick giving birth to 1 more idiot who shouldn't be born than you should Kurt Cobain yourself. Eat the shotgun already.

    By Bill Clinton, on 12:21 PM  

  • I believe they're both hillbilly morons, actually (isn't Britney from TN or KY?). Either way, point taken and point agreed.

    By Anonymous, on 12:26 PM  

  • Man, I really hope this stupid kid writes a tell-all book in 20 years so millions of people across the world can empathize with yet another spoiled child of a talentless hack.

    By platkat, on 12:26 PM  

  • Britney's from Louisiana. Unfortunately.

    /Louisianian

    By Anonymous, on 12:29 PM  

  • just another ho giving birth, except this one's famous

    By Anonymous, on 12:30 PM  

  • Oh noes! This site will have to get BnB somewhere eles.

    By Anonymous, on 12:31 PM  

  • The muscle needs to heal for a few weeks, but then it's back to normal.

    like hell it does.

    By Anonymous, on 12:34 PM  

  • haha, I feel so much better about the caliber of posts on Fark.com now. Who are you people?!?

    By victell, on 12:35 PM  

  • 9000 people are born every hour so just a few more then a 1000 will be born today.

    By Anonymous, on 12:35 PM  

  • I say they take the uterus out with the baby.

    Spay the biatch already.

    By bloghunter, on 12:36 PM  

  • victell, I've seen worse on that Fark thread and please don't make me repeat them.

    By Anonymous, on 12:38 PM  

  • who cares if she's giving birth? we should be pitying the poor kid for having a slutty mom and a moronic dad.

    By Anonymous, on 12:41 PM  

  • damn shame she wasn't in Louisiana when Katrina hit.

    By Anonymous, on 12:41 PM  

  • I'd hit it in labor while she's getting a C-section.

    By Anonymous, on 12:43 PM  

  • I would hit it...farken right

    By Anonymous, on 12:43 PM  

  • The nurses are rude because they hung up after you asked about Britney Spears??

    Think about it, how many phonecalls do you think have these nurses had about this? Don't you think they have patients to take care of instead of answering the phones all day long just about one person?

    By Anonymous, on 12:53 PM  

  • She is all mine when she dumps Kevin...I have a double wide trailer with a view of dump

    By Anonymous, on 12:54 PM  

  • Uhhh...
    I think the 'rude nurses' update was a joke, miss snooty pants.

    By Anonymous, on 1:10 PM  

  • I'd rather hit that dirt road from behind. It wouldn't smell as bad as her Cooter.

    By Anonymous, on 1:13 PM  

  • WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OOHHHHH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SUCH BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    By Kumquat, on 1:18 PM  

  • September 14, 2005 12:34 PM

    DUH! You are such a moron. Just because

    A. You already were a stretched out ho before you gave birth

    or

    B. You're a male who only has sex with clown pocket vaginas

    Doesn't mean all women are loose as a goose.

    By BellaGirl, on 1:22 PM  

  • Wow, such important news. Should we alert the President? Jeez people, could there possibly be a subject any less important to give a rats about than some skanky twat with a record contract? I bet the owner of this blog can't add two fractions or name the first three US Presidents. No wonder this country is going down the toilet.

    By Anonymous, on 1:23 PM  

  • ^ Be careful. No sense of humor can lead you to an early demise. Smile, Grumpy Smurf.

    By Anonymous, on 1:25 PM  

  • Who gives a flying fuck if the hillbilly princess has spawned?

    And shut the fuck up about stretched out vaginas. Nobody gives a shit.

    By Shop for FREE!, on 1:27 PM  

  • To much hate here. I think it is great BRITT is having her baby.

    By Anonymous, on 1:29 PM  

  • I hope she bleeds to death, and Cletus & baby Cletus die too.

    By Anonymous, on 1:37 PM  

  • Shouldn't that be the Cleterfetus instead ...

    By Anonymous, on 1:41 PM  

  • Wow.

    This post really opened up the floodgates of humourless stupidity in the comment boards.

    Oh well, at least it's not as bad as what happens when it's about angiejennbrad.

    By Fred, on 1:43 PM  

  • Great, the Antichrist has arrived and soon we will see the 7-headed beast come to carry us to oblivion. Rapture...rapture.

    By Anonymous, on 1:52 PM  

  • Updates are always so damned sexy.

    By Anonymous, on 2:10 PM  

  • I've seen hotter Phys Ed teachers than her.. I'd hit it when she was 18.

    By Immanuel KANT, on 2:10 PM  

  • it would be nice to round up all these skanks and put them on an island and ..and///and ////and///and......I hear the crackatoa volcano island has room..other than its a large under water hole...

    Fark.com lives on.

    By Anonymous, on 2:12 PM  

  • hail satan.... um.. i mean... good luck, to the doctor....may he not cut the wrong way .... we'll be very sorry, if that bitch is not get 10 other kids for her soccer team ;)

    By Anonymous, on 2:14 PM  

  • fark completely sucks. bunch of idiot armchair retards that talk a bad game and think its good. go back to your useless flame wars and retarded cliches. you arent needed in the real world.

    By Anonymous, on 2:21 PM  

  • I just read a little of fark for the first time. All I can say is: "eh."

    I like it here better.

    By Anonymous, on 2:32 PM  

  • The muscle needs to heal for a few weeks, but then it's back to normal.

    like hell it does.

    Well, it's not exactly the same -- but it certainly isn't gaping open either. After the first birth, the hips expand and that looks great and the vagina is still tight but I would say not as uncomfortably tight as before. There's definately a difference but it's sublte and IMHO actually better.

    By Anonymous, on 2:43 PM  

  • It's interesting that people take the time out of their precious day to write "who cares about this"... because, obviously, you all do, or none of us would be writing.


    Oh, and giving birth DOES stretch out your vagina. Deny it all you want, but child birth forever alters the landscape of your body. Get the fuck over it you assholes.

    By Anonymous, on 2:54 PM  

  • "...the vagina is still tight but I would say not as uncomfortably tight as before."

    Since when is a tight vagina considered "uncomfortable"?

    By Anonymous, on 2:58 PM  

  • Since when is it too tight...


    apparently since some asshat contributed to the population and is now trying to justify their gaping hole.

    By Anonymous, on 3:15 PM  

  • It is the Seventh Sign of the apocalypse, God help us all.


    Read the Book of Revelations people! I'm telling you it says "when a child is born of two mentally incompetent pieces of human garbage..."

    True story.

    By Anonymous, on 3:26 PM  

  • SUCKERS...FUCKWITS...BLAH...BLAH...BLAH

    By NOT A FUCKWIT SEPTIC, on 3:29 PM  

  • congrats to Britney and her baby. Some of your comments are sickening, serious or not. Remember, childbirth is a beautiful thing, and seeing as how that's how all of us are here today, can we show some compassion? Then again, since most of you probably lead very sad lives consisting of making fun of celebrities and then jacking off to them, I can see why you would despise the concept of childbirth. I feel sorry for some of you. Go Britney!

    By Anonymous, on 3:47 PM  

  • Britney squeezes out offspring, world continues not giving a shit

    By Anonymous, on 4:00 PM  

  • this one time I caught a fish this big! |<------------>|

    By Anonymous, on 4:07 PM  

  • Why did she get a police escort to the hospital?
    Is this service provided to all women in labor in LA?
    Can one pay for a police escort or was this on the taxpayers' dime?

    By confused, on 4:16 PM  

  • anon 3:47

    you

    are

    a

    MORON!!!!

    By Anonymous, on 4:17 PM  

  • From previous post by one seriously sad sumbitch : "I bet the owner of this blog can't add two fractions or name the first three US Presidents. No wonder this country is going down the toilet."

    One half plus one halfwit equals one douchebag.

    George, John, Tom and Ringo- so there.

    Thanks for flushing.

    -The Owner

    By The Owner, on 4:21 PM  

  • Who the fuck "owns" a blog anyways?

    By Anonymous, on 4:23 PM  

  • You can "own" a website and this is a dot com, so someone owns this blog-style website. Their privacy policy should help.

    http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/PrivacyPolicy.html

    By captain obvious, on 4:27 PM  

  • This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By cindylou, on 4:54 PM  

  • btw, also re: police escort... you can pay to have 'special patrol' officers work as security. businesses do it all the time. i once worked somewhere that paid $500 a month to be on the special patrol list, AND paid the dept a crap load of $$ to have officers do security in their off hours

    By cindylou, on 4:57 PM  

  • Sorry, cindylou. That link was too long for our permalink page, so I had to re-post. Thanks.

    cindylou said...

    ah the Brit, america's eternal virgin is now a mom

    i saw this about her 'journey'
    it's pretty funny

    atomfilms.com

    September 14, 2005 4:54 PM

    By Jenny, on 5:04 PM  

  • C-section, eh? I thought the Doctor was going to have to be across the room crouching with a catcher's mitt...

    By Emily Litella, on 5:43 PM  

  • Congratulations to them both! It should be a joyous occasion - especially for K. Federline.

    He must be having real happy thoughts right now, he has finally closed a done deal to a free meal ticket for the rest of his life.

    I'm going to feel sorry for Britney when she will finally one day realize she has just made the biggest mistake in her whole entire life.

    Oh ya, congrats again.

    By Anonymous, on 5:54 PM  

  • Britney has turned out to be real trailer trash.

    I like some of her songs e.g. Toxic, Oops I did it again.

    But she's basically finished. She's looked like trash throughout her whole pregnancy and no one respects her now.

    By William, on 5:58 PM  

  • anon 3:47, You're not going to guilt me into recanting my opinions. I PERSONALLY think pregnancy is disgusting, pregnant women are fat and gross, and child-birth is the most horrific thing I've ever seen. And my saying that Britney and Kevin made a mistake by having a child is not "sickening"... it's the fucking truth. Yeah, congrats Brit and Kev on bringing yet another horribly fucked up child into what will soon be a broken home. That's truly something to celebrate, you imbecile.

    And yes, I am a woman saying this. So take your wussy, whine-ass, Dr. Phil ball-likcing opinions, and shove them up your baby-making crotch.

    By Anonymous, on 6:49 PM  

  • I agree with a lot of what ^ is saying (and so does my wife, who also happens to be a woman).

    Personally, I'm a dude and I am not sure whether or not I want to have kids one day (though I do like 'em, I am just not sure I want all the hassles of one), but to say that anyone who thinks childbirth is anything but beautiful and yada yada yada does not make their comments "sickening."

    For one, we are all laughing at these rich hilljacks who make themselves easy targets. And celebrities in general are a bunch of insecure sycophants, so they deserve it. (It's sort of a trade-off, they get rich and famous but they also have to put up with being made fun of and et cetera. It's fair.)

    But I digress.

    Getting back to childbirth, I, too, think it's kinda gross and creepy and certainly not the "most beautiful thing in the world" or whatever crap you wanna try and sell. Maybe I'd feel different if it were my wife, but just because somebody doesn't tow the line on the pregnancy issue does not make them or their comments sickening or make them sad people.

    By Butterscotch Stallion, on 7:07 PM  

  • Pregnant women are nasty cows, and I would rather do anything than have a parasite feeding off of me for 9 months inside of me, and for 18+ years outside of me. I despise children, I have to put up with them and their ignorant parents all damn day long, and sit there and smile while the little hellions are trashing the place....I don't understand why people cant just live and let live. I'm sure people will not be able to see this issue from my POV, but I can't see how anyone could want kids or even like them, so whatever. I think you're sick for wanting to bring more kids into this miserable, fucked up world, that's way more horrible than me feeling the way I do! I think Brit and K-Fed should have been sterilized, how dare he bring another kid into this already overcrowded world when he has 2 that he does jack shit for? Disgusting. And Britney is the poster child for why NOT to get pregnant (getting fat, nasty, dirty, zit faced). Also, if you think your cooch goes back to "normal", yeah right. Banging her would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway! Ugh. That just gives me the shudders. "beautiful?" UGH. Not quite, how about DISGUSTING? I'm quite content with my dog, she's smarter, cuter, and way better behaved than ANY kid, I would bet my life on that, but she's not allowed in most places when they let kids in everywhere? Now THAT'S bullshit, who agrees with me??

    By tsarinaamanda, on 7:31 PM  

  • Isn't the whole B.S. (Ms. Spears) thing rather lame/pathetic? Brittany darling? The timer just went off. Your 15 minutes of fame are up.

    By Anonymous, on 7:43 PM  

  • I hear Petsmart is having a sale on Kibbles and Bits,

    Better stock up now while supplies last Federtrash and Shitney!

    Oh, and be sure to housetrain it, the smell will be almost as bad as Brit's cooch.

    By Anonymous, on 7:49 PM  

  • To anon 3:47.: I find it interesting that you call pregnancy "beautiful" and in the same breath manage to congragulate Britney.

    Because we all know that Kevin and Britney showed so much respect for the "beautiful" pregnancy of Shar Jackson. And Kevin and Britney showed so much respect for their own pregnancy, what with Kevin smoking in front of a preggers Britney and all.

    Wow, the respect shown by this lovely couple for the "beautiful" act of pregnancy is almost too much to handle... now excuse me while I puke.

    You think we should have "compassion"? Ask Kevin where his compassion for his children was when he was off fucking Britney around the world, while Shar Jackson (who's no prize pig herself) carried ONE of his THREE children.

    Grow up, 3:47.

    By Anonymous, on 7:56 PM  

  • Mmmm, taste the air, people. The anger is palpable. People are really pissed off.


    Bonus points (and a shiny new donkey) to whoever got that last reference. And this one.

    By Anonymous, on 8:32 PM  

  • actually, nearly all vaginal births result in some tearing of the vagina. so really, the vagina will never return to its original state.

    -random med student

    By Anonymous, on 9:25 PM  

  • What happened to the Trishelle video?

    By Anonymous, on 9:31 PM  

  • So I guess now that she has gotten pregnant and had a baby she’s not a teenybopper icon anymore? Although today I did see what couldn’t be more than a 16 year old 7 month pregnant chick. She must be the trashy promiscuous teenybopper idol now I suppose.

    By Anonymous, on 9:40 PM  

  • Can I eat the Placenta?


    /*Yum*
    //*Yum*
    ///*Belch*

    By Anonymous, on 9:59 PM  

  • Preston Michael Spears Federline

    Cletus "The Trailer-Trash-Himself" Yokel Delroy would be much better, if you ask me ... but sadly nobody asked me....

    P.S.: thx to our beloved Simpsons (TM) for the name of Cletus ;)

    By Anonymous, on 2:44 AM  

  • why does she need a c-section?? can't handle a little pain??

    By Anonymous, on 6:04 AM  

  • tsarinaamanda, you are awesome :D i actually feel the same way. i love kids, but no way in hell i would bring a kid into this world. and after having sex with a girl who had kids, i don't believe anyone who says that the vagina is the same afterwards :O

    By Anonymous, on 6:06 AM  

  • All the people posting about how pregnancy is disgusting, only to turn around and start telling the people who think child birth is beautiful to "grow up", crack my ass up. Talk about your self-hate! These people take the cake!
    I would bet they're mostly farkers too.

    Funny thing, (IMO) a lot of farkers are self-hating asshats who desire nothing more than to tear everyone (including eachother!) apart in some lame attempt to boost their own chronically fractured egos.
    I got tired of the cliches and the same arguments being repeated ad nauseum. They think it's funny, which it is..for the first 1000 times!

    Anyhow, glad to hear that Mrs., Mr., and baby Federline are doing fine. (Although, I do hope this keeps Britney out of the recording studio for a long while)

    By FormerFarker, on 11:04 AM  

  • Save your wimpy ramblings for Oprah, formerfarker; no one wants to hear your wussy ass.

    I agree with quite a few of you here: Congrats brit and kev on bringing a fucked up baby into this world.

    By Anonymous, on 11:37 AM  

  • Personally, I think the whole "why bring a kid into this fucked up world" shit is just that--shit. It sounds good, but it also comes off as ignorant, cliche, and, as mentioned above, self-hating. I think if people wanna have kids, great. Please try to keep them well behaved and do as good a job as possible at raising them, but go ahead and have them. And I like kids, but only when I have the luxury of doing fun stuff with them and can then hand them off when I am done or they need to be changed or get fussy. In that sense, I'd be the perfect grandparent...haha...just not a parent. I also don't think childbirth is beautiful or some big accomplishment.

    But these two hilljacks should never have had kids. Hell, Federline should never have had any kids with anyone. Watching them raise this kid will continue to be entertaining, though, in a car crash kinda way.

    By Butterscotch Stallion, on 1:54 PM  

  • holla...I'm out of here

    By Anonymous, on 2:22 PM  

  • I will always find this funny - Cletus and Brandine - hahaha

    By Anonymous, on 5:19 PM  

  • She got up early enough to be there at 6:00am?

    By Stacy, on 12:30 PM  

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