Hollywood kicked off the awards season by giving out awards for movies people haven't seen at the Hollywood Film Festival. Fortunately we'll all be spared from the sappy speeches and circle jerking because the Hollywood Awards are not televised. Since shows like this are usually good predictions of who'll win Oscars and some of you care about that stuff, I'll recap who won what. Sam Mendes won the best director award for Jarhead, Joaquin Phoenix won the actor of the year award for Walk the Line, Charlize Theron won the actress award for playing another unattractive woman in North Country, Rachel McAdams won a breakthrough performance award for The Family Stone, Jake Gyllenhaal won a breakthrough performance award for Jarhead and Gauge won best actress for best DP gang bang scene ... er ... oops. I should really stop browsing the AVN site while I'm working.

Oh, and Rachel, dear. Girls shaped like ironing boards don't look more chesty and shapely in ugly strapless dresses that constantly look like they're sliding off because nothing is holding them up. Fashion advice at no charge.