The classic televesion show, Dallas, is coming to the big screen some time this year. The film, about a family of Texas oil millionaires, has already been cast with John Travolta and Jennifer Lopez as oil tycoon JR Ewing and his wife Sue Ellen. Luke Wilson, Shirley MacLaine, Bill Murray and Marcia Cross have been reportedly offered parts and Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson are both in the runny for the teenage Lucy Ewing.

Seriously, are the producers of this movie just pulling names out of a hat at this point? J.R. Ewing was The Terminator with a country accent; a ruthless womanizing bastard that had no remorse for anyone or anything. John Travolta is a tubby pansy who probably wears a camisole over his girdle and cools himself with one of those Asian folding fans. Sue Ellen was a condescending and conniving bitch who had an appetite for alcohol and self-destruction. Jennifer Lopez is a condescending and conniving bitch... never mind, she's perfect.


This is LL Cool J's new video for "Control Myself" featuring Jennifer Lopez: