Madonna Will Save the World
Madonna has been lobbying the British government and the nuclear industry in an effort to rid the world of nuclear waste. This sounds like a noble idea and a grand crusade, until you realize that Madonna's big plan starts with scientists using "magical" Kabbalah fluid. Needless to say, everyone thinks she's an idiot. It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically," one official told the Times. "She relentlessly pursued people," according to a former civil servant. She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants."
Madonna, on the other hand, had this to say, presumably while she was on a cross:
I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point?"
I'm not a scientist, but trying to rid the world of nuclear waste with a bottle of Kabbalah water would be a few spots down on my list of things to do. Probably just below stopping global warming by chewing Dentyne Ice or curing the world's poverty by trading my cow for some magic beans.
Madonna and Guy on August 16th:
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46 Comments:
Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise and now Madonna. Money makes you crazy, I guess.
By Anonymous, on 10:40 AM
The lobbying, which took place a few years ago, was part of a campaign by Madonna, who saw it as her mission to rid the world of nuclear waste. She made this clear in newspaper interviews at the time.
“I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste,” she said. “That’s something I’ve been involved with for a while with a group of scientists — finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not.”
The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in Los Angeles but has branches worldwide, was set up by Philip Berg, a former insurance salesman. One devotee has described how Berg leads chants of “Chernobyl” and the names of other nuclear power plants. Followers believe this helps “heal the problem of nuclear waste”.
Undercover reporters who attended a Kabbalah Centre dinner in London described how Madonna and Ritchie were among guests who turned east towards Chernobyl and began shouting its name.
Some Kabbalah followers are even said to believe that nuclear waste is the cause of the Aids epidemic.
The Kabbalah Centre is believed to have sponsored Oroz, a “23rd-century” research body in New York that heralded a “breakthrough” in neutralising radioactive waste.
Dr Artur Spokojny, the director of Oroz and a Kabbalah follower, is said to have developed a “revolutionary” decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynecological problems in cows and sheep.
yikes
By Anonymous, on 10:44 AM
she needs to get over herself...
By Anonymous, on 10:45 AM
You people are just biting the hand that feeds you. We wouldn't have music, movies, fashion or a WORLD if it weren't for her.
I'm selling Madonna-water out of my pickup truck at her concerts. It's really just her piss and sweat, but word is it can cure the deaf and make crippled people walk. Unfortunately when they hear her speak, they wish they were deaf again, and the cripples walk away as fast as they can.
By CK1, on 10:50 AM
Wow, I'm glad there are people like her in the world doing really important things, while I just skulk into my non-profit office every day and look through Vogue and write fantastic songs.
By What ho!, on 10:54 AM
Kelly Clarkson said Orodyne worked for her, so that confirms the cow thing
By Anonymous, on 10:59 AM
Celebrities are so delusional...
By Anonymous, on 11:22 AM
She wants to conquer the world through Kabbalah water? HUH?! I think the older she gets the more insane she gets...
By Anonymous, on 11:32 AM
I don't know what you people are laughing at. I just held up my Visa Bill and yelled at it and all the numbers fell off.
Pfft. Haters.
By Vigilante, on 11:36 AM
on her list she left out "I can develop veiny muscular man-arms and wrinkled grandma hands"
By Anonymous, on 11:39 AM
I just think the older she gets the more outlandish her statements and actions have to be to keep her name in the news.
Between the Kabblahblah and the leotard......yeah, the old bat is well on her way to a house full of cats and apple preserves.
By joejoe, on 11:42 AM
hi, Madge, it's Sean. right, right, long time. anyway, i'm just calling to ask if you ever found that bottle of pee i was saving to throw at the paparazzi, i could really use it now...what? no, no, you're probably right, it's got to be Kabbalah water in there. sure, that's right, i'm sure it just turns a little yellowish when it ages, sure, sure...ummm...bye.
By Anonymous, on 11:49 AM
vigilante, maybe madge can "cure" my mastercard bill as well. pfft.
By Anonymous, on 11:56 AM
madonna's has officially lost her mind.
By Anonymous, on 11:58 AM
Naw, man. Just give me your MC bill and I'll yell at it for a while. I've been walking around for the last hour or so screaming at things and everyone's left early for the day. I'm tellin' ya, it works wonders.
Of course, I'm going to want some sort of payment for my services....but we can discuss that later.
By Vigilante, on 12:11 PM
guy ritchie needs to pimp slap this ho
HARD
By Anonymous, on 12:51 PM
madonna and hulk hogan. ok. it's my own fault, i couldn't find the 1.21 gigawatts to get me back to 2006.
By Anonymous, on 12:52 PM
this is just the latest in her long line of delusions. for example, she's always thought she was talented and sexy. HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
By Anonymous, on 12:57 PM
Fabulous films? Name one, Madonna!
By Anonymous, on 1:03 PM
Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of... a delusional old whore.
By the giant, on 1:10 PM
What. A. Freak.
Hey Mad Madge, if it cures nuclear waste, then why don't you pour it over yourself and your cult? That would solve a lot of problems?
Oh, and your ego too. "Fabulous films"? "Greatest songs"? "Conquer the world"? She can't do any of the above. She's a once-was, now a has-been.
You know, I quite honestly think Madonna has a touch of mental illness. Whatever she's into at the moment -- sex, shocks, motherhood, Hinduism and now kabbalah -- she is utterly obsessed with and refuses to shut up about. If anyone tries to get her to, she turns all diva on them.
On the plus side, she's rapidly turning into a muscular Crazy Cat Lady. Another ten years and she'll be in Tom-Cruiseland.
By Anonymous, on 1:11 PM
Considering that what she practices isn't even true Kabbalah...
Honestly. What a fucking looney toon.
By Anonymous, on 1:15 PM
lordy lordy, grandma's having another of her spells. somebody put her in the garage, we've got company coming over.
By Anonymous, on 1:25 PM
that's right - true Kabbalah rituals use blood, not water (ok, it's blood from cows and sheep with gynecological problems, but that's just some type of weird coincidence)
By Anonymous, on 1:32 PM
greatest songs? compared to what? LOL... that would be funny if it wasn't SO fucking sad. this bitch has never made a "great" song in her life.
By Anonymous, on 1:33 PM
i'd have an easier time believing in the nuclear waste thing than i do with the "fabulous films" comment.
By Anonymous, on 1:46 PM
maybe she just feels responsible for adding a new deadly environmental toxin: the old-lady-funksweat-crotch of the leotard she wears in concert.
By Anonymous, on 2:03 PM
"lordy lordy, grandma's having another of her spells. somebody put her in the garage, we've got company coming over".
Now thats funny.
By Anonymous, on 2:13 PM
I'd still fuck her crazy ass.
By Anonymous, on 2:22 PM
i think the egomania of these *celebrities* is a much bigger problem right now than nuclear waste. where can i send my money to get rid of THEM?
By Anonymous, on 2:33 PM
when one moves to london, does one automatically become a pompous ass (madonna, gwyneth) or does one have to take classes?
By Anonymous, on 2:34 PM
Oh no she di-ent!!! She said that?! I knew the bitch was self-important, but DAYUM!
By Anonymous, on 2:38 PM
greatest songs? most fabulous films? fashion icon?
Ok, I'll give her the last one.
I say we have a Battle Royal with Mel Gibson(Jesus), Tom Cruise(Hubbard), and Madonna(Kabbalah).
By Anonymous, on 2:41 PM
plus Paris Hilton(Paris Hilton)
By Anonymous, on 2:46 PM
Massive lols at vigilante. That comment might have been the funniest thing ever written.
By S., on 3:32 PM
I wonder is she saved a copy of her famous sex book for her two childre to see .
By Anonymous, on 4:51 PM
I am wondering when she figured she made a fabulous film? Last I heard she had to beg and/or marry directors to put her in films.
By Anonymous, on 9:58 PM
LOL. when does she figure she's written a great song or made a fabulous film? her biggest hits were written by others and her movies have mostly been flops? girlfriend needs to get her head out of her bum.
By Anonymous, on 6:44 AM
Thanks, S! Check's in the mail! I didn't yell at it so the numbers should still be on it....
By Vigilante, on 11:56 AM
MADONNA LOUISE VERONICA CICCONE!
no dice, the waste wasn't neutralized. maybe i wasn't facing in the right direction...
By Anonymous, on 12:43 PM
madonna please go away....i mean far away!
By xtract, on 4:30 PM
I don't think she's nuts. I think she's run out of publicity-generating material (well, almost). Next she's adopt a pet monkey and move to Neverland. Some celebs just don't know when to retire. Here's a hint: When you become a caricature of yourself OR publicize that you have answers that can save the world, it's TIME to retire.
By Piquebu, on 10:10 AM
I love Madonna BIG TIME. But this Kabbalah shit is just so stupid. The water comes from a near by nuclear waste dump. Madonna, stick to pissing off the Christian right and look hot doing it!
By Anonymous, on 9:33 AM
6:44 AM, that is NOT true. Madonna has written her own stuff. She may collaborate, but it's all her's. Madonna would not be where she is today if it wasn't for talent. Films, she's crazy. I loved her in A League of their Own, and Evita. That's about all.
By Anonymous, on 9:35 AM
"She may collaborate, but it's all her's."
You just contradicted yourself.
"Madonna would not be where she is today if it wasn't for talent."
That's the same excuse Britney fans use. Ever heard of a thing called PR?
"Madonna, stick to pissing off the Christian right and look hot doing it!"
Except the Christians are blase about her attention-getting stunts, because she's now too money-savvy to do anything REALLY offensive and risk losing any buyers.
By Anonymous, on 12:49 PM
"Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise and now Madonna. Money makes you crazy, I guess."
By Anonymous, on August 22, 2006 10:40 AM
Who in their right minds in the 80s would have predicted that in 20 years, Prince would be the most "sane" person in that bunch.
By that standard, Britney Spears-Federline should be up for Mother of The Year in 2020. And yes, she will still be having children, but they will be genetically modified with safety features that come standard.
By Greg H, on 2:14 PM
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