Nick Lachey Would Rather Live With Satan
Last week Nick Lachey had an interview with an Australian radio station. Naturally, he was asked how he felt about his ex-father-in-law, "Papa" Joe Simpson who is rumored to be one of the major factors in Nick's divorce with Jessica Simpson. At one point Nick was asked if he'd "rather be trapped on a desert island with Joe or Satan, Prince of Darkness" to which he replied, "I might take my chances with Satan, Prince of Darkness."Smart choice, Nick. Satan and I are pretty tight now that we're done haggling over that pesky little sale. It turns out Papa Joe also had some business dealings with Satan, but Satan said Papa Joe really gave him the creeps. He offered Satan a night with Jessica and Ashlee in exchange for a shorter contract amongst other things. Of course Satan would normally go for something like that, but even he has standards. He told Papa Joe that trannies and butt-chins really don't do anything for him. Then Papa Joe grew enraged, threw a fit and stormed out of Satan's office pledging to take his job one day. Satan's eyes welled with tears whilst telling me the story and he was visibly shaken. So I gave him a big hug and proceeded to have sex with him. It was the least I could do.
Jessica on August 4th:
Nick on August 10th at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards nominations:
Source
34 Comments:
Who dresses Jessica? She always looks like a fugly mess. I can't believe she hangs out with her hairstylist ALL the time and her extensions still always look like shit.
By Anonymous, on 4:32 PM
Nick is so much prettier and looks less like a man than Jessica does. I hate them both, though. I wish they'd all get kidnapped by Al Qaeda and beheaded.
By Anonymous, on 4:35 PM
Jenny had sex with the Prince of Darkness.
That's hot!
By Anonymous, on 4:36 PM
did anyone else notice the strange calf muscle in the third picture...?
By Anonymous, on 5:04 PM
Jenny,
Why won't you return my calls?
*sniff*
By louis cypher, on 5:15 PM
Who can blame him? He's got his creepy father-in-law standing around ogling his wife's breasts and getting jealous of Nick, and his wife doesn't seem to notice that her dad is, uh, a creep.
Satan sounds pretty good by comparison. At least he doesn't loathe Nick more than any other person.
By Anonymous, on 5:16 PM
I agree with Nick, Papa Joe is creepy. I saw somewhere else today that now Jessica is telling the world Nick has a small penis and she couldn't even feel it when she lost her virginity to him. Personally I think it is because Papa Joe's tube steak already stretched the crap out of her.
Seriously though, why publicly say something like that? Even if you hate him it just seems really immature.
By Anonymous, on 5:18 PM
Did you hear that Lachey has a tiny willy? Jess said she "couldn't feel anything."
Try and get dates now Nicky boy!
By Ic0n, on 5:22 PM
Papa Joe probably planted that story. He would never want Jessica bragging about having great sex with anyone but her daddy.
Jessica is too "Christian" to say things like that to reporters anyway. That story is bullshit.
By Anonymous, on 5:24 PM
Jessica was a bad lay and never even had sex with her husband. That's why she hangs out with Ken Paves, that gay hairdresser best friend of hers all the time. She's not fucking anyone. She probably thinks everything about it is gross. Probably because her dad came in her hair too many times. Good for Nick he's finally getting laid.
By the dude, on 5:28 PM
Jessica Jessica, that is the danger of not having sex with your man before the wedding night. You don't know what the sex is going to be like and then you are pretty much stuck with him if he sucks. Maybe everything is small next to Daddy's dong.
By Anonymous, on 5:28 PM
August 15, 2006 5:18 PM -
Yup! We can now expect the obligatory riposte from an ex of Nick's saying how he's a 'great lover' and 'very well endowed' and blah blah blah. Immature is right.
I say Nick go on the Howard Stern show and settle the matter right then and there.
By non imus, on 5:30 PM
I can't wait for Nick to say what a gross smelling and loose pussy/(ballsack) Jessica has, but he won't because he has more class than those preachy hypocrites in the Simpson family.
By Anonymous, on 5:34 PM
Shit. Now all the girls are gonna want to have sex with Nick just to see if it's true. lol, the dude just can't lose!
By latchkey kid, on 5:36 PM
DON'T WAIT TO HAVE SEX AND LIVE WITH EACH OTHER UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED!!
God, that is the worst rule ever. Nick was a good sport waiting and hoping for the best, but most of us knew he was doomed to be miserable living with that retard.
By Anonymous, on 5:37 PM
At least Nick is fucking chicks now
By Brandy, on 5:37 PM
August 15, 2006 5:37 PM
Uh, waiting to have sex has nothing to do with the problem. Believe me, plenty of people who HAVE had sex pre-marriage have a case of the toxic in-laws.
A better piece of advice would be: Make sure you can stand your in-laws before you get married, and make sure that your significant other is not the "yes mommy/daddy, no mommy/daddy" type who won't back you up.
By Anonymous, on 6:03 PM
Team Lachey!!
Seriously though, I'm dissapointed he was eaten by dingos in Australia. Geez, had he spent just three crikey-filled hours with Steve fuckin Irwin we'd, fortunately, be reading of his suicide. Hell, even a death adder bite requiring amputation would've been a nice consolation prize.
I have an asshole, so therefore I have an opinion on this here superstar Lachey.
This guy has jumpstarted a comatose career by exploiting his divorce. How dreeeeamy, girls.
"What's left of me" & "I can't hate you anymore"? What textbook, pity-milking ballad will he release next?
"I don't like making meals for one" or how about "I masturbate into your empty underwear drawer" ???
Someone shoot this fucker already. Where's Mark David Chapman when you need him? ;)
By joejoe, on 8:01 PM
Um that blond girl on the left of Nick looks like someone punched her in the face and it imploded. Who is she?
By Anonymous, on 9:57 PM
i never hated on jessica before, i simply said she looked like a tranny
but now i HATE HER. "a public affair" was the aural equivalent of waging war. and her dancing at the club, my god... jessica, just die already.
By Anonymous, on 10:26 PM
Hey, about the blonde girl on the left of Nick... Here in australia she has become famous just for being on a TV ad.
I think you may have seen it overseas, it's an ad for Aussie tourism and she's the one who asks "Where the bloody hell are you?"
Just to further the generalisation that all Australians talk like crocodile dundee...
By Anonymous, on 3:18 AM
Check out the pit stains on the blonde in the last two pics. tee hee.
By Anonymous, on 6:36 AM
haha, the last pic of nic posing w/ the two girls, check out the girl on the left her pit stains...
By Anonymous, on 6:45 AM
She's rubbing her titties on her daddy and barely touching her husband...
By Anonymous, on 6:48 AM
what's with her leg in pic 3?
By Anonymous, on 7:03 AM
9:57 i was thinking the same thing about that blonde girl, very weird face
By Anonymous, on 8:05 AM
They could really use Satan's input on song selection.
"Stairway to Heaven" and "Sympathy for the Devil" are way better songs than....uh....name some of the songs the Simpsons have sung, 'cause I can't remember any of them...
By Zen Wizard, on 8:33 AM
Sorry, Jenny! I've been meaning to take that "Satan" sign down from the men's restroom door at the bar for months now. I should've known better than to let you drink that last fuzzy navel. But on the bright side, that creepy old guy came out of the bathroom with the biggest smile I've seen in years!
By Anonymous, on 9:05 AM
Her calf muscle is FLEXED in photo 3. All of her weight is on her left foot and she is walking in hooker heels.
No, I'm NOT defending Jessica, just offering an explanation. ;)
By joejoe, on 9:11 AM
EW her calf muscle almost jumped out of her leg! It looks really weird actually. That tube dress is so unfortunate, she really needs to get a new stylist...
By Anonymous, on 11:11 AM
I bet part of their divorce decree is that they are never allowed to speak of their private lives while married... Poor Nick probably has so much dirt on Jessica and her family, but he has to keep it pent up inside forever! I would love to be his therapist...
By Anonymous, on 5:55 PM
It's probably best that we forget about either of them...they're not worth the attention...on a lighter note, check out The Onion's latest jab at Jessica and her breasts...www.theonion.com...
By Anonymous, on 6:32 PM
Those two girls are fug
By Anonymous, on 4:32 AM
Jess said that Nick's got a small one because her crotch has been ripped by Papa Joe's huge monster and any dick after his will feel too small for that germ ifested cave.
By Anonymous, on 9:44 AM
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