The People's Choice Awards Were Last Night
Queen Latifah and Vince Vaughn are giants by Hollywood's outta whack height standards, but look at Eva Longoria. I had no idea what a midget this girl is. If I was a hostess at a restaurant and Eva came strolling in for dinner, I'd offer the grown-ups in her group a booster seat for their toddler and then point to Eva. Then they'd tell me, "That's Eva Longoria." And I'd say, "Hi there, little Eva, how old are you? Are you this many?" as I'm holding up four fingers. It would pretty much go like that until I got fired and collected unemployment.
I couldn't think of any way to make fun of Ali Larter. She played it safe and looks hot. So I'll just write "nipples" and move on...
In addition to having a last name that sounds like a section of a Victoria's Secret store, Hayden Panettiere was born on August 21, 1989 which makes her like 10 years old or something. Each time I started to write about her, my curtains would move because of the Dateline cameras behind them. So I'll just drink my sweet tea they made for me and shut up.
I didn't watch the show and now I'm saddened because I missed Robin Williams. I love the way he exhausts me with the same routine he's been using since 1910 which is drenched with neverending, unfunny impressions of famous people. I hope he went up there and said, "Robin couldn't be here, so Jack Nicholson and John Wayne will be accepting this award on his behalf." and then Robin went back and forth acting like Jack and John were talking to each other and the people in the audience did that ass kissing, bullshit, secretly embarrassed for him laughing. Aw man, he's great.
55 Comments:
So true about Robin Williams. I saw a great picture of him pretending to grab Hayley what's her name's ass at this event.
By Anonymous, on 4:01 PM
^ that's halle barry [edit]
By Anonymous, on 4:06 PM
Robin Williams sucks. He's not funny, he's short, and he has a hairy back.
By Anonymous, on 4:09 PM
Nice! Hayden pressing her breast against the breast of a much older woman. http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/pictures/20070110/hayden%20panttiere/hp3.html
Oh and it's "Jack and John were talking to each other" not "Jack and John we're talking to each other."
By Anonymous, on 4:27 PM
How dare you correct me.
By Jenny, on 4:29 PM
save the world, fuck the cheerleader
save the world, fuck the cheerleader
save the world, fuck the cheerleader
By chuggdog, on 4:30 PM
Longoria is quite small. Saw her IRL...just over 5 feet tall.
By Anonymous, on 4:31 PM
how did you not mention Vince Vaughn? He looks out of his mind wasted!
By Anonymous, on 4:37 PM
1- I like Vince Vaughn, but here he looks like he just woke up from a night out with Britney Spears.
2- Ali Larter looks gorgeous! I wish I knew what makeup she used to cover up her undereye circles (seriously.... because I have them too!)
3- Hayden Panettiere looks healthy. I hope she doesn't turn into an anorexic cokehead, even though all the cool kids are doing it. Eh, she probably will.
By Anonymous, on 4:45 PM
Seriously that picture of Eva is reflective of my whole life. And she's probably wearing 4 inch heels to look that tall.
By Anonymous, on 4:53 PM
Want to make fun of Ali Larter? Get your hands on a photo of her boyfriend. Like whoa.
By Anonymous, on 4:58 PM
Hayden Panttiere is giving Brandon Davis a run for the money in the greasy bear department. She has some strange overly large head and no neck too. What's she famous for?
By Anonymous, on 5:00 PM
Jenny, thanks for fixing the grammar. While I might dare correcting you, time will tell if I dare create a user name around here.
Anon 4:27
By Anonymous, on 5:06 PM
Robin Williams is funnier than Jenny.
By Anonymous, on 5:08 PM
^ No he isn't.
By Anonymous, on 5:11 PM
^yes he is
By Anonymous, on 5:15 PM
^No he is not
By Anonymous, on 5:16 PM
5:08 is a racist Asian.
By Anonymous, on 5:17 PM
..."DATELINE/curtains move" AHAHAHHAH seriously, you're great.
By Anonymous, on 5:18 PM
3 posts by Jenny=a good day on this blog.
By Anonymous, on 6:11 PM
Hayden Panettiere is on Heroes. Great show. My man Weiss is in it!
By Anonymous, on 6:29 PM
Just another grammar correction: you forgot the word "wonky" in front of "nipples".
But who cares, we just read this stuff because Jenny is hot and we hope to get in her pants some day! What are you, Jen, like a size 2?
By Anonymous, on 6:29 PM
So Robin Williams...eh your here to pick-up^ a minor like Hayden Panttire. I only though Bryan Warener aka Mo'la Manson was so low. Pan-ttire puts the "Pan" in Pan's Labrinth... It's like Ledgend for the 21's century. But no Tom Cruise, or a dude with horns.
By Kriss "Angel" Hanson, on 6:51 PM
Vince is looking pretty rough in that picture...
By jannre, on 7:09 PM
I'm usually a titman but I think I'd kill my family for a threeway with Ali Larter and Hayden Pattierre.
By Anonymous, on 7:43 PM
WHY ARE HAYDEN PATTIERRE'S SHOES ALWAYS TOO BIG FOR HER?!?!?!?!
By Anonymous, on 7:45 PM
any one else think that Vince Vaughan fits the physical description of a heroin addict? bloated, sunken eye/dark cycles around the eyes, weight gain (common for men) and sweaty...
By Anonymous, on 7:52 PM
jenny's fun
By Anonymous, on 8:27 PM
The Robin Williams bit: bang on, you nailed it. I also loved the part about dateline and the curtains.Love your site.
By Jacquie, on 8:33 PM
so when robin williams first got famous, a big deal was made about how he still dropped by stand-up comedy clubs all the time, performing almost every night, as if he were some type of comedy purist. seldom mentioned was the fact that other comics often refused to go on stage if robin was in the house - that's how much of a material-stealer he is. the few genuine laughs he gets are from other people's jokes. you can tell, because they don't fit with the rest of his "manic" schtick.
By Anonymous, on 8:51 PM
eva's short because she put all her energy into growing the moustache that's hidden beneath her makeup pancake. and i bet you can make a wig after she waxes her butthole...
By Anonymous, on 8:58 PM
they had to use that 10-second delay switch when vince vaughn was on stage because the mic kept catching him saying "must eat brains"
By Anonymous, on 9:02 PM
I don't know what's better... To be blind and never see Robin Williams perform again, or be deaf and never hear his voice again.
By jeditemple, on 9:15 PM
The only things that are missing from Vince are the bolts on his neck.
By Anonymous, on 9:18 PM
wow, that must have been one hell of a coke binge for vince. he looks awful.
By Anonymous, on 9:20 PM
usually the last step on the factory production line is to wipe the excess grease off the bobblehead dolls (Hayden Panttiere)
By Anonymous, on 9:32 PM
i'm pretty sure that at some point in her life, queen latifah has struggled up off the potty and looked back at something substantially larger than eva longoria.
By Anonymous, on 9:34 PM
Anonymous said...
The only things that are missing from Vince are the bolts on his neck.
9:18 PM
ROTFL!
Change of subject- Ali Larter looks so perfectly pretty. The posing is kind of textbook though. Small complaint mind you, but I get the impression that she would get off the toliet seat and make a "Ta Da" gesture with and arms and smile.
By Anonymous, on 9:43 PM
Queen Latifah kind of scares me, she has a pretty face and all, but she has a kind of 'giantess' thing going on.
By Anonymous, on 9:52 PM
HAYDEN PENETTIERE << thats how her name is spell , she is cute Ali larter she is a pig who will bang anything with a penis and Robin Williams is an old comic who drinks to much and Vince got wasted that night
By Anonymous, on 11:19 PM
^ No, it's HAYDEN PANETTIERE.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0659363/
By Anonymous, on 11:24 PM
I heard the USO rejected Robin's offer to entertain the troops in Iraq because they realize his act would cause flashbacks in the soldiers and make insurgent attacks seem comical in comparison.
Get it? Insurgents have bombs, Robin Williams has bombs.....is this thing on???
*mic tap*
*mic tap*
By joejoe, on 11:37 PM
Hayden is only 6 months younger than me but i still feel like a fucking pervert for enjoying those pics as much as i do.
That aside, please write more Jenny. You're a lot funnier than Todd.
By sam991, on 4:54 AM
Vince looks like a drunk and has for a couple years, sunken eyes, puffy, but maybe coke, or both. He is aging very quickly.
By Nrrvus, on 6:58 AM
Hilarious post! Loved the visual of Dateline in the curtains.
By Keira Fan, on 8:14 AM
5:08 is not a racist Asian, but rather a white female who knows good comedic writing when she reads it.
By Anonymous, on 8:42 AM
im glad im not the only jenny stalker on this page. enough of you just doing the links....you need to handle the writing and let todd do the links. no offense todd, but youre not hot AND funny AND a bi-curious female. its just simple math, buddy.
By Anonymous, on 8:42 AM
Hayden is pretty, but I agree she needs to put some powder on.
As far as who the better writer is on here, I like both Jenny and Todd. They have their own individual style, both of which I can appreciate.
I bet Todd is hung like a donkey.
By Anonymous, on 9:24 AM
8:42 AM - shut the fuck up and stop complaining. Cunt.
By Anonymous, on 10:45 AM
People, stop bashing Todd's writing. He is crude, perverted, racist, and mysogenistic.
In other words, he is fucking great!
By Anonymous, on 11:16 AM
jesus. eva's arm is like the size of latifa's wrist
By Anonymous, on 1:03 PM
i feel so bad for Robin though...he WAS a good comedian, but that's when he did a ton of cocaine and was bouncing off the walls...now he's a poor pathetic ex-alcoholic...it is not fun being him...
By Anonymous, on 5:04 PM
4:45, Vince was probably awake all night, hearing Aniston groaning over the phone about "I'm so miserable, I'm so alone, but I'll be strong and find happiness, I have my lesbian circle... I mean, I my goddess circle!"
By Anonymous, on 7:25 PM
Eva might be petite but so I am and you don't have any idea of what you can get when you are small whith a big smile. I've got free stuff she got that and Tony Parker
By Anonymous, on 2:38 AM
Its so sad when you are trying to be ironic and you fail...
By Anonymous, on 7:34 AM
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