he's seriously the most overrated comic of my lifetime. i used to think he was funny 4 or 5 years ago, but it seems like he's sucked a lot more as he's gotten older and more attention.
Just give her a ball gag to put in her mouth (or be cheap and a paper bag over her head) and what's not to like? Big breasts, IQ of ten, and can probably be talked into doing ANYTHING... Sounds like a great find for Dane! Come on, he'll probably be working at Sam's or Costco in real life soon anyway! Let the guy get some while he's on his way down...
She's one of those chicks that is just too insecure to be without a boyfriend for any length of time. So she goes from one shitty relationship to the next.
Let me take this opportunity - as I will ANY mention of Dane Cook - to announce that this guy is stunningly unfunny. He is to comedy what Lindsey Lohan is to Meryl Streep. The mere thought of this guy cupping one of my Jessica's breasts in one of his mitts twists my stomach into knots...on the other hand, let's give it up for Jessica as even a douchebag like Dane Cook has to be better company than a mopey John Mayer.
I beseech you all to remember that Jessica is the author of one of the best MTV lines -- EVER! "...you love my stinky farts..."
Finally, there's proof that there is a God, he is just and he loves us all. For how many years has he stood by and let genocidal lunatics get away with mass murder, let poor people starve en mass, and let evil, pestilence, strife (and whatever the other horse's name is) run rampant amongst his children while thieving, no talent hacks are held up on a pedestal, thrown mounds of cash by minions of retards and seem to get away with it every day?
Well, not today. God may have let Joe Stalin live to be a ripe old age without getting his just desserts, but He has struck back by putting these two together.
There is finally hope for the world . . . just so long as they don't breed. If so, someone needs to dig up the seven swords of Megetto.
doesn't dane cook have a long-time girlfriend? i think this is yet another story brought to you by creepy papa joe to make jessica look like less of a loser for being dumped by john mayer. dane cook appreciates the press. zzzzzzzzz...
This is a match made in... Burbank. They are both so white-bread, bland and talentless that it's almost heartwarming that they found each other. If Dane can keep it in his pants I foresee vegetative, barely sentient happiness for these two.
that is definitely a photo-shopped version of Mayer and Simpson. you can see the complexion differnce in Cook/Mayer's brow, just below the brim of his hat. good pic of "nine year old" Jessica though!
I don't get Dane Cook at all, he is not funny in the least!I think the only reason that he has gotten some fame is that he's more attractive than most comics out there. Frankly I would rather go watch Jessica's next awful movie than watch one of his comedy specials.
I don't get Dane Cook at all, he is not funny in the least!I think the only reason that he has gotten some fame is that he's more attractive than most comics out there. Frankly I would rather go watch Jessica's next awful movie than watch one of his comedy specials.
RE: Anon 19:55 I never noticed Dane Cook much. First, he's FUG, and doin' him wouldn't occur to my braincenter where sex crazy lives. Second, he must suck as much as all of you say, because the other part of my brain never stopped to notice anything he has ever said.
He thinks women masturbate only one way? What rock has this doofus been under? Maybe he IS gay and has never been privy the realm of ladies' masturbatory masterpieces. We are very creative beyond mere scrapbooking.
As for J. Simpleton, yawn. She's washed up and old and pretty soon our resident slut won't even do her anymore. This current jerk/publicity stunt Dean Cook or whoeverthefuk he is has the same doofus vibe as Dick Crochet, Simpleton's first "catch." All Cook needs to be Nick II is the little shiny kite on his lips that Nick always has from wearing too much sweet kisses gloss in public. Sheesh.
I doubt these two are dating. It didn't work the first time around so why should it work now. They both have careers that are in free fall. The buzz on both of there movies is bad although he has Jessica Alba in his so it can't be a total wash at the box office. How depressing for her to go from Nick to John Mayer to Dane Cook. Must suck to be her these days.
I doubt these two are dating. It didn't work the first time around so why should it work now. They both have careers that are in free fall. The buzz on both of their movies is bad although he has Jessica Alba in his so it can't be a total wash at the box office. How depressing for her to go from Nick to John Mayer to Dane Cook. Must suck to be her these days.
Can someone find out what the hell Dane Cook was thinking when he traded in his long-time, seriously hot gf that was living with him at the time he was touring (prior to his movie role with Messica Slumpson)?
Everytime I see jessica on the blogs it makes me kinda laugh a little. I just feel like her daddy convinced her one day in bed by saying, "honey lips, your soooo damn cute and everyone in hollyhood luvs you, baby! You need to leave nick because hes holding you down, hony. As soon as hes gone you will blossom more than your bosom and become the next Jennifer Aniston!.... Now come over here and let me rub your bosom, I just need to make sure your growing fine and healthy!"
Hes such a duche! But the funnier thing to me is that she believed all the rage when she wore those daisy dukes on the Hazzards...And actually believed she would be the next big thing! Men would drop at her feet because she does her daffy-duck pout and sais silly/cute things, with her saggy D-cups held up by papa Joes hands. Although the silly/cute things she sais are cute when your about 5yrs old, so maybe since thats the intelligence level she has, its ok. Boy did that plan back-fire! Shes a hazzzzz-beeeen!!! A retarded, notalent waste of space. Sorry Jess, but I think most of these people commenting on you defonately have more talent than you. Not to mention we can write and type, hell...some of even use proper grammar and can spell!! How do you like that papa joe? I cant wait to see Jess in playboy spreading it for fame. It will add an extra ammount of creepy when papa joe not only shows up for the shoot, but makes calls like, "ok jess, push up your butt! Squeeze your titties together! Pout, baby! Put one leg up and hold it....no let me help you, like this."
I never said she was better with Nick, I think he looks like a douche. My point was, she dumped her marriage because she thought she was the next big thing in hollyhood. She probably thought she was going to land some super "A" list man and have an enviable career by hollyhood standards.
Anyways, asshole. That is that. And dont you mean DANE Cook? Not DAN idiot! hahahahaha!
37 Comments:
Leave Your Commentwow. doesn't take her long to find another dude's ass to ream.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:11:39
he's seriously the most overrated comic of my lifetime. i used to think he was funny 4 or 5 years ago, but it seems like he's sucked a lot more as he's gotten older and more attention.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:18:09
Just give her a ball gag to put in her mouth (or be cheap and a paper bag over her head) and what's not to like? Big breasts, IQ of ten, and can probably be talked into doing ANYTHING... Sounds like a great find for Dane! Come on, he'll probably be working at Sam's or Costco in real life soon anyway! Let the guy get some while he's on his way down...
By Nick from Mexico, on July 6, 2007 12:21:15
that shirt on the guy in front of them is hilarious and true "i don't get paid enough to be nice to you"
Dane cook=retard.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:21:25
She's one of those chicks that is just too insecure to be without a boyfriend for any length of time. So she goes from one shitty relationship to the next.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:21:34
To end a relationship with John Mayer and downgrade to a moron like Dane Cook must be really depressing. Not that John Mayer wasn't a moron.
By dm, on July 6, 2007 12:27:57
What's that?...it's John Mayer doing the happy dance! No more stalking now that she's moved on or at least until she gets dumped again.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:29:02
Its like she totally has the 'I'm at the bar and the only thing left is the fat girl in the corner' syndrome.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:29:13
Meh. I hate to say it but at least her fashion sense has improved. Or she's hired a better stylist. Maybe she's dumped Ken as her main 'mo?
By Vigilante, on July 6, 2007 12:44:38
I hear Scott Baio is looking, Jess
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 12:53:43
try harder, leno.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 13:06:24
Scott Baio is looking? Hot DAMN!
He's mine! I called him first! All you other bitches better back off!
By Vigilante, on July 6, 2007 13:31:25
Please don't let them reproduce. Aren't there laws against that?
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 14:08:23
Let me take this opportunity - as I will ANY mention of Dane Cook - to announce that this guy is stunningly unfunny. He is to comedy what Lindsey Lohan is to Meryl Streep. The mere thought of this guy cupping one of my Jessica's breasts in one of his mitts twists my stomach into knots...on the other hand, let's give it up for Jessica as even a douchebag like Dane Cook has to be better company than a mopey John Mayer.
I beseech you all to remember that Jessica is the author of one of the best MTV lines -- EVER!
"...you love my stinky farts..."
Yes, Jessica...yes, I do...
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 14:41:46
Finally, there's proof that there is a God, he is just and he loves us all. For how many years has he stood by and let genocidal lunatics get away with mass murder, let poor people starve en mass, and let evil, pestilence, strife (and whatever the other horse's name is) run rampant amongst his children while thieving, no talent hacks are held up on a pedestal, thrown mounds of cash by minions of retards and seem to get away with it every day?
Well, not today. God may have let Joe Stalin live to be a ripe old age without getting his just desserts, but He has struck back by putting these two together.
There is finally hope for the world . . . just so long as they don't breed. If so, someone needs to dig up the seven swords of Megetto.
By uncledaddy, on July 6, 2007 15:07:39
Agreed: Dane Cook could not be any more lame.
Does anyone know what kind of jeans she's wearing?
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 15:10:10
doesn't dane cook have a long-time girlfriend? i think this is yet another story brought to you by creepy papa joe to make jessica look like less of a loser for being dumped by john mayer. dane cook appreciates the press. zzzzzzzzz...
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 15:38:10
This is a match made in... Burbank. They are both so white-bread, bland and talentless that it's almost heartwarming that they found each other. If Dane can keep it in his pants I foresee vegetative, barely sentient happiness for these two.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 15:47:59
Actually big boy's T-Shirt reads "I'm not paid enough to be nice to you."
That is horrible English.
By TheExpatriot, on July 6, 2007 16:46:28
dane cook said in his act that he thinks the way women masterbate makes him laugh and it doesn't turn him on. doesn't that make him kinda gay?
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 16:55:33
If he's not titty fuckin her, he's wasting his time & her talent.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 17:35:39
that is definitely a photo-shopped version of Mayer and Simpson. you can see the complexion differnce in Cook/Mayer's brow, just below the brim of his hat. good pic of "nine year old" Jessica though!
By bigcat, on July 6, 2007 18:13:30
WOW, She has really turned into a big ole WHore nowadays.....
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 18:30:22
I don't get Dane Cook at all, he is not funny in the least!I think the only reason that he has gotten some fame is that he's more attractive than most comics out there. Frankly I would rather go watch Jessica's next awful movie than watch one of his comedy specials.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 18:53:01
I don't get Dane Cook at all, he is not funny in the least!I think the only reason that he has gotten some fame is that he's more attractive than most comics out there. Frankly I would rather go watch Jessica's next awful movie than watch one of his comedy specials.
By anonymous, on July 6, 2007 18:53:18
RE: Anon 19:55
I never noticed Dane Cook much. First, he's FUG, and doin' him wouldn't occur to my braincenter where sex crazy lives. Second, he must suck as much as all of you say, because the other part of my brain never stopped to notice anything he has ever said.
He thinks women masturbate only one way? What rock has this doofus been under? Maybe he IS gay and has never been privy the realm of ladies' masturbatory masterpieces. We are very creative beyond mere scrapbooking.
As for J. Simpleton, yawn. She's washed up and old and pretty soon our resident slut won't even do her anymore. This current jerk/publicity stunt Dean Cook or whoeverthefuk he is has the same doofus vibe as Dick Crochet, Simpleton's first "catch." All Cook needs to be Nick II is the little shiny kite on his lips that Nick always has from wearing too much sweet kisses gloss in public. Sheesh.
By SWF, on July 6, 2007 21:11:46
"Unintentional comedian." LMAO
By anonymous, on July 7, 2007 23:34:45
Id Hit it still. Shit I would tittyfuck Jessica Simpson
By Mr Hod, on July 8, 2007 00:56:09
i don't believe it. this is Papa Simpson just trying to be starting something.
By anonymous, on July 8, 2007 18:14:53
I doubt these two are dating. It didn't work the first time around so why should it work now. They both have careers that are in free fall. The buzz on both of there movies is bad although he has Jessica Alba in his so it can't be a total wash at the box office. How depressing for her to go from Nick to John Mayer to Dane Cook. Must suck to be her these days.
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 06:37:41
I doubt these two are dating. It didn't work the first time around so why should it work now. They both have careers that are in free fall. The buzz on both of their movies is bad although he has Jessica Alba in his so it can't be a total wash at the box office. How depressing for her to go from Nick to John Mayer to Dane Cook. Must suck to be her these days.
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 06:38:00
I NEED that fat guy's shirt!
By Salmonella, on July 9, 2007 07:40:35
Can someone find out what the hell Dane Cook was thinking when he traded in his long-time, seriously hot gf that was living with him at the time he was touring (prior to his movie role with Messica Slumpson)?
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 10:25:42
ILMAO!!!!
Everytime I see jessica on the blogs it makes me kinda laugh a little. I just feel like her daddy convinced her one day in bed by saying, "honey lips, your soooo damn cute and everyone in hollyhood luvs you, baby! You need to leave nick because hes holding you down, hony. As soon as hes gone you will blossom more than your bosom and become the next Jennifer Aniston!.... Now come over here and let me rub your bosom, I just need to make sure your growing fine and healthy!"
Hes such a duche! But the funnier thing to me is that she believed all the rage when she wore those daisy dukes on the Hazzards...And actually believed she would be the next big thing! Men would drop at her feet because she does her daffy-duck pout and sais silly/cute things, with her saggy D-cups held up by papa Joes hands. Although the silly/cute things she sais are cute when your about 5yrs old, so maybe since thats the intelligence level she has, its ok.
Boy did that plan back-fire! Shes a hazzzzz-beeeen!!! A retarded, notalent waste of space. Sorry Jess, but I think most of these people commenting on you defonately have more talent than you. Not to mention we can write and type, hell...some of even use proper grammar and can spell!! How do you like that papa joe?
I cant wait to see Jess in playboy spreading it for fame. It will add an extra ammount of creepy when papa joe not only shows up for the shoot, but makes calls like, "ok jess, push up your butt! Squeeze your titties together! Pout, baby! Put one leg up and hold it....no let me help you, like this."
EEEEEEEEWWWWWW!
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 11:05:28
JESSICA LOOKS MUCH BETTER WITH DAN THAN SHE DID WITH NICK (ASSHOLE!)
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 14:03:59
@17:03:59
I never said she was better with Nick, I think he looks like a douche. My point was, she dumped her marriage because she thought she was the next big thing in hollyhood. She probably thought she was going to land some super "A" list man and have an enviable career by hollyhood standards.
Anyways, asshole. That is that. And dont you mean DANE Cook? Not DAN idiot! hahahahaha!
By anonymous, on July 9, 2007 18:08:12
Dane Cook is sickeningly unfunny. Please stop him before it's too late.
By Malice, on July 9, 2007 20:29:45
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