IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com: Hallmark Tells Paris Hilton to Suck It

Hallmark Tells Paris Hilton to Suck It

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YOU ARE THE BEST!!!

Ms. Lovely

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 09:58:35
Hallmark is made of win.

Btw, it'd be so great if in the title, "Hallmark" was replaced by "The Entire World".

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:03:06
So...an American greeting card company can tell Paris Hilton to go fuck herself, but it took the American legal system seventeen mulligans to hold her accountable for her bullshit?

Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:19:24
I guess Paris has run out of exciting things to do since she's worked so hard to help Rwandan orphans and has become such a positive role model and upstanding citizen since her stint in prison. What? You say she hasn't??? Nevermind...

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:25:52
Why do (some) people thing she's pretty? Have they seen this picture? Why does SHE think she's pretty...oh right, like you said she probably can't see too well..

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:28:12
Hi, my name is Paris and I REALLY want you think I'm sexy. See how hard I'm trying? Aren't I sexy? Isn't this not awkward or contrived at all? It's me trying to be really sexy. Is it working? Do you think I look sexy? I opened my mouth and everything. I hope you think I'm sexy now since I'm trying so hard to look sexy.

By Hamfist Hilton, on November 9, 2007 10:32:51
Holy Crap! A face only a mother could love is a huge understatement!!

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:33:57
that is HOT!!!

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:35:00
The people at Hallmark can suck it!!! Paris Hilton deserves our admiration, not ridicule. She has done so-o-o much for the world. Stop hating, people!
/snark

By catman, on November 9, 2007 10:46:17
It's funny when stupid people get mad when someone tells them they are stupid.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:47:00
nice spread.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:47:44
The sooner Paris realizes that all she is good for is a cum sponge and offs herself the better.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 10:50:48
YYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS good for you HALLMARK keep slaping that whore with hairy cocks ,stupid bitch thinks she is the shit when she is JUST SHIT ,lets hope more companies will start to make fun of her cartoons of her whoring herself in some corner with a needle in her arm telling guys that she will fuck for a dorra ha ha ha ha

By hallmarkickedass, on November 9, 2007 11:03:34
The problem with Hallmark's legal argument is that parodies are suppose to be funny, not tired jokes that even Leno wouldn't put in a monologue.

By ravendesk, on November 9, 2007 11:16:36
Paris is a goon. Gangly dimwit. Extremely unattractive.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 11:24:44
Those pictures are frackin' hot. You ALL CAPS RETARDS are fucked in the head.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 11:32:56
Does she or does she not look like Owen Wilson in these pix?

By itis, on November 9, 2007 11:46:35
Ow, my retinas!

By Iheartlasagne, on November 9, 2007 11:47:42
Poor little pair-ASS. She's still so mentally challenged that she doesn't realize the world is laughing AT her, not with her. I guess that's what happens when you live in Bizarro world (where TWAT-ney spears, lindsay BLOW-han & kim LARD-ASSian live as well); you lose all sense of perspective. Good for hallmark; shove it in this pampered little party poodle's face. They're absolutely right; she can't encourage only positive comments & attack those that have negative things to say when she media whores herself out like she does...

Hey pair-ASS, spell RWANDA. Nope, I didn't think you could...

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 11:59:13
Lets poke her eye out and find someone with AIDS to pee in it so she'll die slow.

By Troy, on November 9, 2007 12:18:09
Banner pic: Is she looking for grubs?

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 12:25:30
PH9

how they potrait paris affects how she acts

they placed her in a waitress uniform and suggested she had never worked

they also brought attention to rigid thinking
and often suffered by people with Anorexia Nervosa, Autism, PTSD or an obsessive savant like Albert Eintein who loved his violin

Paris loves fashion

Paris loves Art

Paris loves miirors

so she can disappear

Hallmark has a great social responsibility

when adding making brass from gold

love Derek Paris

you are my Bo 10

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 13:24:38
Troy: kudos x a bazillion!

let's get manbearpig in here to start working on that!

the woodland creatures are far too cute to be that close to paris hilton.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 16:02:59
Manbearpig kicks ass.

S'all I'm sayin'.

By Vigilante, on November 9, 2007 17:01:45
onya Hallmark! Now let's all buy a card just to piss her off.

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 18:26:07
If she thinks the cards are bad well I guess she doesn't read celeb gossip blogs then... <ahem!>

By anonymous, on November 9, 2007 19:07:00
She looks like a drunk, drugged up chick coming in at 7 AM from a club who fell on the lawn trying to locate her house keys she just dropped.

The Left Eye. What, no, really...WHAT is wrong with it? For real... Did a surgeon cut a nerve in her face when they installed her faux cheekbones? She doesn't look human anymore. Her face is almost perfectly square. Robochick.

By Sporkken the Fluergenhoven, on November 9, 2007 23:02:46
I am a pedantic twat and I can not fight my compulsion to point out the grammatical error in the first Hallmark card. It should say "Paris' first day as a waitress", not "Paris's first day...".

Ok, I feel better now. I have done what I can to right a wrong in this world. And now I'll be on my way.

Thank you for your indulgence. Oh, and yeah, Paris should die in a fire.

By MickeyMickeyMickey, on November 10, 2007 07:35:32
Dear pedantic twat,

It really sucks when you try to be a grammar nazi and you fuck it up and look like a total idiot, huh?

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/apostro.asp

Go kill yourself.

By a seventh grade english student, on November 10, 2007 08:07:08
Damn it - yes, indeed, I was completely wrong. Thanks for the link, seventh grade english student (sincerely!). I will certainly be consulting that page often whilst basking in the memory of your gentle, inspiring kindness. You should consider being a guidance counsellor when you grow up!

By MickeyMickeyMickey, on November 10, 2007 08:56:04
Dear MickeyMickeyMickeyMouse,

You are ever so welcome. It is the very least I could do (which is pretty much my goal in life). It takes a big person to own up to a mistake such as that. Taking that into consideration, I redact my advice of "Go kill yourself" in favor of "Go harm yourself".

I appreciate the suggestion about becoming a guidance counselor. I just may do that.

By a seventh grade english student, on November 10, 2007 09:17:56
The outbreak of politeness here is making me uneasy.

What next, praise for "prettyboy's" superior wit?

By What what?, on November 10, 2007 09:57:13
Nope, I think everyone still agrees that Prettyboy is still an ignorant moron.

By a seventh grade english student, on November 10, 2007 11:02:27
Actually, seventhgrade, there is some "controversy" (too strong a word, I suppose) over the use of apostrophes for names ending in "s". I would say an apostrophe-s should always be used for singular proper nouns, but not everyone agrees. The Canadian Press, for instance, directs reporters to write "Jesus' apostles." See the bestselling book Eats Shoots and Leaves. Its chapter on apostrophes discusses the topic.

By ihave2degrees, on November 10, 2007 12:29:14
And I just checked the Associated Press Style Guide. It says reporters should use only an apostrophe at the end of proper names ending with "s".

By ihave2degrees, on November 10, 2007 12:32:38
Dear ihave2degrees,

Initially, I'd like to point out that nobody cares if you have 2 degrees from your local community college or the University of Phoenix. Bragging on the internet is the domain of assholes.

As for your main point, please explain what relevance a reporter's style guide has to the grammar on a Hallmark card.

By a seventh grade english student, on November 10, 2007 13:52:21
Manbearpig kicks ass.
S'all I'm sayin'.

Duck n' cover!

By Vigilante's Other Anus, on November 10, 2007 17:45:48
Why does this remind me of the pose-off in Zoolander?

By I Really Do Have Two Degrees, One Is Even In English, But I'm Going To Avoid This Like The Plague. Except To Be Smarmy With That Zoolander Comment. Hey, My Name Is Longer Than My Comment!, on November 10, 2007 17:53:57
Paris Hilton is trademarked and Hallmark used her photo on their cards without her permission. That's a TM violation and Hallmark has lost such lawsuits before.
If Hallmark didn't want to get sued, they should have drawn a stick figure of her and called it Paris instead of using her photo.

By anonymous, on November 10, 2007 19:31:39
You can trademark a name. You can trademark an image. But until they start making them artificially, you can't trademark a person.

Even if Paris Hilton was a trademarked property, the cards would fall under the parody exemption of Fair Use.

By anonymous, on November 10, 2007 21:14:15
I don't think the neighborhood dog would even do her. She is such a pathetic, ugly loser.

By anonymous, on November 11, 2007 06:05:28
She is painful to look at.

By anonymous, on November 11, 2007 14:42:31
wow, I'm really surprised Hallmark hasn't just bowed down and sucked her ass. Because they apparently don't care when their retail franchise store commit fraud and bilk them out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. < TRUTH

By A Former Hallmark Employee, on November 11, 2007 19:35:22
Biggest butterface of them all

By anonymous, on November 12, 2007 01:41:16
The Hallmark cards could've been at least FUNNY! God they're just stupid.

By MikeG, on November 12, 2007 14:20:24
Paris used to be one of the prettiest girls I've seen in person half a decade ago. Too bad now she looks like an overiped tangerine.

By anonymous, on November 12, 2007 16:43:26
It's the herpes - gotta be the herpes.

By anonymous, on November 12, 2007 22:24:43
Well, thats kinda what happens when your a dumb party slut...
but as far as the eye thing goes you can't really blame her, some dude just missed her mouth and shot his load into her eye by mistake.

By anonymous, on November 13, 2007 15:11:28
PARIS HILTON LOOKS LIKE OWEN WILSON !!!A LOL if any ood was written about her its her herself coz the world hates this skanky ugly fake blue eyes fake hair shit! u look like a moran or betta still bloke! paris the trannie!!

By lindsay, on November 23, 2007 21:58:23