IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com: Jessica Simpson is in the Hospital

Jessica Simpson is in the Hospital

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Her dad helpfully offered that ever since puberty, Jessica has complained that it hurts when she pees, especially during family vacations.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 12:43:32
Definitely gotta call bullshit on this "kidney infection". You don't feel "achy" when you have a kidney infection; you feel like you want to DIE. Your whole body racks with chills, your fever spikes easily past 103, your teeth chatter under they crack off, it is completely impossible to get comfortable, and again, you just want to DIE. In fact, some people do. That's how awful a kidney infection is. I've had several. They suck, and so does Jessica Simpleton. She must have gonorrhea or something.

By Beany McKidneybean, on March 31, 2008 12:43:39
I call bullshit too. Kidney infections are close to death. It's like getting stabbed in the back with a hundred steak knives. She's probably in there for plastic surgery on her ugly face or to fix her saggy breast implants.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 12:49:38
she probably has a bladder infection that went unnoticed and spread to her kidney

By virgo, on March 31, 2008 12:55:51
Probably from sharing so many gerbils with Tony Homo

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 12:58:38
Don't you guys know anything? The term 'kidney infection' is code for abortion. She never remembers to take her pills and Romo is the type that is too selfish and proud to wear condoms.

He must be scared witless. He almost pro-created with a hillbilly. I bet he's more careful from here on in.

By Vanchic, on March 31, 2008 13:36:47
It's hep - has to be.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 13:52:04
Being admitted to hospital is always a good way to get attention; just ask Britney.

By Fred, on March 31, 2008 13:53:23
God, this girl fell harder than Paris Hilton.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 14:08:47
My guess is she's probably sick because John Mayer made her drink his pee. The fact is this chick is way dumb and way too eager to please and I bet at a certain point he just wants to see how far she'll go.

By thebig28, on March 31, 2008 14:16:52
It's not kidney infection, it's a yeast infection. You know - because she's a total cum dumpster.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 14:47:35
There is NO SUCH THING as a bladder infection that "goes unnoticed". I'm guessing you've never had one. Here's hoping you never will.

Of course, I suppose it's possible all of her nerve endings have rotted away from 20+ years of incest.

By Beany, on March 31, 2008 14:55:52
nose job...totally getting a nose job

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 15:15:35
That dude is kinda cute for a man.

By Donkey Punch, on March 31, 2008 15:46:15
Vanchic, Jesucka must be the first tranny to get pregnant through anal sex.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 15:47:41
It's testicular cancer.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 15:54:11
There's a first time for everything, 15:47:41. How do you think AIDS began? People shouldn't have sex with monkeys...and retards like the Simpson sisters.

By Vanchic, on March 31, 2008 15:54:27
Kidney infection IS NOT code for any type of abortion anytime anywhere unless that's what you called yours nobodyelse uses it.

Chestica merely just let someone go ass to vagina on her.

C'MON!!!

By GOB5, on March 31, 2008 16:06:30
I love how I'm expected to believe that all these celebritites "check into" hospitals like they're fucking hotels. I get a fever and achy I go to bed and take some Advil. I get "exhaustion" I go to bed and get some freaking sleep. These idiots check into hospitals? Who are these doctors checking them in for such stupid crap? Even if it was a kidney infection, they don't check you in unless you are on the verge of failure. I've had kidney stones twice, throwing up from the pain, all they did was stick drugs in my IV to kill the pain and send me home. Kidney infections make you pray for the sweet release of death, and they won't admit you unless you're running a dangerously high fever. Otherwise, its antibiotics and plenty of water.

This is why these stories are total bullshit.

By Kate, on March 31, 2008 16:18:47
I'd make a joke about her putting wheels on her miscarriage, but I won't because I'm a goddamned gentleman.

By monkeyrotica, on March 31, 2008 16:43:19
She is teh hotness!

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 17:41:14
pass the ball next time romo

By like.those.ribs, on March 31, 2008 18:37:27
Twenty-eight years ago I had a "Kidney Infection" I contracted from a young lady I was dating. Can you say Clamydia?

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 18:48:00
Hey you guys, I've had prostate problems, they're nothing to joke about.

By Not A Hillbilliy's Fool, on March 31, 2008 19:07:01
It suddenly occurs to me that this woman is gonna be one hideous hag by the time she hits 50.

By jbonz, on March 31, 2008 19:13:55
Gee, what if Jessica is really sick and Paris really hurt her chin when she fell. Then we're all going to hell. Oh well.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 19:37:32
No she is teh not.

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 20:08:36
High fives, Kate! Only another "stoner" (that's my nickname--isn't it adorable?) would type "sweet release of death". We are the few, the proud, the drinkers of unsweetened cranberry juice. (Talk about praying for the sweet release of death...)

And IF J.Simp DID go to the e.r. for a "kidney infection", she goddamn well better have waited FIVE FUCKING HOURS TO SEE A DOCTOR, the way I always do.

By Beany, on March 31, 2008 20:10:45
HOPEFULLY she went to get her nose done and boobs too BIGGER set

By anonymous, on March 31, 2008 23:52:46
Actually, kidney infections may or may not require hospitalization (sometimes just to be safe), and they usual result from a UTI that has spread to the bladder and then kidneys. This is different from kidney stones. So if she's going to make something up, it should be something better than "too much sex."

By anonymous, on April 1, 2008 06:00:18
If by "teh hotness" you mean brainless, insipid, talentless whore, then yes, by all means, she is teh hotness.

By JAC, on April 1, 2008 06:07:21
Maybe she should call Roto-Rooter to check out the plumbing. They are pros and are used to working on man-holes.

By Claude Ballz, on April 1, 2008 06:54:46
kidney infection usually caused by e.coli, hence from having too much SEX. damn that ho doesnt shower or something.

By anonymous, on April 1, 2008 07:32:15
She probably has an STD not a kidney infection.

By AstridAndThenSome, on April 1, 2008 08:16:23
I realize kidney stones and kidney infections are different 6:00:18. I was just pointing out that even in a situation where you are in terrible terrible pain, unless your life is at risk, they won't admit you into the hospital for something they can just give you drugs for. I had a roommate who had a kidney infection and spiked a fever of 103.3. Guess what the hospital did? Gave her antibiotics and sent her home.

Beany- I will not drink unsweetened cranberry juice. Won't do it. I will however, drink cran-grape, cran-rasberry. Ocean Spray. Still has the Kidney Foundation seal on the side so I assume its at least not doing any harm. I have been having weird, twitchy pains in my right kidney so I started guzzling them a few days ago. Seems to be helping.

By Kate, on April 1, 2008 09:04:53
If she gives me her boobs to play with, she can have anything she wants, even my kidneys.

By Jerry, on April 1, 2008 10:58:50
I had a terrible kidney infection before. At first, they gave me antibiotics and sent me home. The next day I became septic and almost died, so they admitted me. I was in the ICU for a week. But I'm no celebrity. I'm sure they'd just admit her and give her a private room and sponge baths 3 times a day.

By anonymous, on April 1, 2008 12:06:15
Kidney stones and kidney infections are not different if you get the infection because your kidney is jammed up with a stone the size of J.Simp's left testicle. That's what happened to me. Two weeks in the hospital. Preceded by FIVE HOURS IN THE FUCKING ER WAITING ROOM, despite previous hospital records. I have decided to become a famous, untalented shit-for-brains who can't sing so that my next hospital admission will proceed in a timely fashion.

Anyway, as pointed out by my nephrobuds, she doesn't have a kidney infection (in-office dipstick, sent out for culture, Cipro 500 mg b.i.d. for 7 days max and plenty of water). Maybe she's getting a brain implant. Plenty of space in there.

Feel better, Kate!

By Beany, on April 1, 2008 12:29:06
Don't know much about her, but it's apparent to me that she just can't take a good picture. She seems determined to have that "horse face" picture taken everywhere she goes...

By anonymous, on April 1, 2008 14:39:14
"teh" is not a fucking word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By anonymous, on April 1, 2008 17:30:11