This is one of the only times i have ever hoped for a mother to die in childbirth...
Preferably by the baby coming out and strangling her to death with the umbilical cord while horrified hospital staff watch in fascinated horror.
Then the baby flees the hospital, kidnaps whichever MAdden ahole is the one who is the father, downs a fifth of Vodka and hops in the family land cruiser and drives off a cliff.
(Paris thinks) "Another pet! I can keep it in my purse like my chihuahuas! And I won't have to worry about those PETA cretins claiming I mistreat it!!"
The goblin offspring of Wonky McFuckeye and Douchebag von Fakepunk? Well, what could go wrong there? I hope her diseased womb *is* loaded with a little bastard and it eats its way out through her heart... on live TV. There's your simple life, you hateful cunt!
I'm not sure which is the bigger surprise: 1. Her actually being able to get prego after the blood in her drug and alcohol stream. 2. That her "smile for the camera" boyfriend would actually want to bone her.
Maybe the baby will explode out of her chest in a gory spray of blood, tissue, shattered bone and organ matter and then Sigourney Weaver will torch mother and spawn with her flamethrower till they die.
Vigilante: We're suppose to WAIT for the Apocalypse before we get busy looting and fucking random strangers??? Will someone please send me the damn rule book!
I disagree, Todd. I'm not a nurse, either, but I play one in my bedroom. I think the best thing we can do for this baby is chop up Paris and put her in several of her designer shoe boxes, weigh them down, and float HER to the bottom of the river!
kelsey, of course that is assuming that Paris would be a responsible and caring mother who would never expose an innocent embryo to drugs and booze and all the potential defects that come with them.
But this is Paris Hilton. Come on, you think she'd give up weed, booze, coke and all the rest for the sake of, like, a baby? Which is like, an ACCESSORY? Next season it'll be kittens, and then like, it won't like matter anymore, y'know?
Vigilante: I tripped over that, too. I think 20:54 might have meant indirectly, because she'd be sitting on the couch chowing down on nachos...oooops, I mean swilling down Beluga caviar. Hey!! You and I could go over there, wait until she's loaded on Cristal, or does she drink Dom? I know she IS dom(with a "u" and a "b", of course). Anyway, after she's passed out, we could remove the orgy-comatosed bodies of Britney, Nicole, Lilo, and ewwwwww Nikki from between her legs, beat the crap out of her, steal her Gucci wallet, skip the dry humping, don't worry about the Alzheimer's(blackouts are God's way of saying you should never know you had lesbian sex with ewwwww your little sister, and even ewwwwwwier, Britney, Nicole and Lilo), force-feed her RU486, wash it down with sulphuric acid(lesbian-spawned Antichrists are damn hard to kill), go to Vegas, say "hi" to Jenny, put me in the rubber monkey suit, well, you get the idea!
40 Comments:
Leave Your CommentDoubt it.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 10:19:54
of course she is...this is the next "fad" in H'Wood. What better way to get you're face back in the mags and make some $$$ in the process.
These people are all f'ing low lifes
By PK, on July 14, 2008 10:25:20
I wonder if the doctors will do her tummy tuck immediately after the C-Section, or if they'll wait out the week.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 10:28:24
Just fyi, the gay decoder ring is also known as an "anus".
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 10:29:13
Those plants are conveniently growing at the wrong place, damn. I wish she was a tad taller.
By Toe, on July 14, 2008 10:30:25
This is one of the only times i have ever hoped for a mother to die in childbirth...
Preferably by the baby coming out and strangling her to death with the umbilical cord while horrified hospital staff watch in fascinated horror.
Then the baby flees the hospital, kidnaps whichever MAdden ahole is the one who is the father, downs a fifth of Vodka and hops in the family land cruiser and drives off a cliff.
By JR, on July 14, 2008 10:38:01
who gives a fuck period
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 10:43:23
Toe, you beat me to it. If it happens, the kid should get the Congressional Medal of Honor.
By Ken Mehlman, on July 14, 2008 10:48:00
Babies with herpes are hot!
By coolpapa, on July 14, 2008 10:56:34
DAMN TOO LATE TO GET HER FIXED
By THE PUNISHER, on July 14, 2008 10:59:20
The evil spreads . . . her legs . . . then gets knocked up.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 11:02:44
The Anti-Christ is born.
By Satan, on July 14, 2008 11:06:30
Someone please off this twatty bitch before she raises a slutty, emptyheaded kid just like herself.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 11:09:04
That's going to be one ugly baby.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 11:14:31
(Paris thinks) "Another pet! I can keep it in my purse like my chihuahuas! And I won't have to worry about those PETA cretins claiming I mistreat it!!"
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 11:14:43
Wasn't this listed in the Bible somewheres as a sign of the Apocalypse?
The end is nigh, people. Better get busy looting and fucking random strangers.
By Vigilante, on July 14, 2008 11:45:32
PS: For causing me to spill coffee on my shirt JR gets looted first.
By Vigilante, on July 14, 2008 11:57:10
I hope she's not, that poor baby would have such an awful life. But you know she wants the attention and wants to have what Nicole has.
By please paris never have kids!!, on July 14, 2008 12:16:18
The goblin offspring of Wonky McFuckeye and Douchebag von Fakepunk? Well, what could go wrong there? I hope her diseased womb *is* loaded with a little bastard and it eats its way out through her heart... on live TV. There's your simple life, you hateful cunt!
By Bozo Goop, on July 14, 2008 12:21:14
If she is, who want to lay bets that Children's Services gets called on her more than they got called on Britney?
I lay bets that she makes Brit-Brit look like mother of the year.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 12:29:44
she isn't pregnant. she just bought coke in seattle.
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 12:41:16
GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!11
By Moraces, on July 14, 2008 12:50:47
I'm not sure which is the bigger surprise:
1. Her actually being able to get prego after the blood in her drug and alcohol stream.
2. That her "smile for the camera" boyfriend would actually want to bone her.
By thewillie, on July 14, 2008 13:00:56
I can tell you for a FACT that Paris was in Coco Deville last week drinking chilled shots of Grey Goose AND smoking weed! that's right!
she is NOT pregnant!
By kelsey, on July 14, 2008 13:06:44
So...Kelsey, what you're saying is I shouldn't have knocked that old guy down, dry humped him and then stolen his wallet?
Eeeesh. Maybe I'll get lucky and find out he has Alzheimer's or something.
By Vigilante, on July 14, 2008 14:01:16
Maybe the baby will explode out of her chest in a gory spray of blood, tissue, shattered bone and organ matter and then Sigourney Weaver will torch mother and spawn with her flamethrower till they die.
By JR, on July 14, 2008 14:16:26
JR:
I would pay major $$$$ to see that.
By Anonymous, on July 14, 2008 16:02:32
Todd is a gay decoder!
By pedro, on July 14, 2008 16:03:34
She has herpes. I hope she is taking her valtrex and not spreading that shit around. Poor unborn kid (if it's true)
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 16:31:00
Vigilante: We're suppose to WAIT for the Apocalypse before we get busy looting and fucking random strangers??? Will someone please send me the damn rule book!
By gregarb, on July 14, 2008 18:03:05
I disagree, Todd. I'm not a nurse, either, but I play one in my bedroom. I think the best thing we can do for this baby is chop up Paris and put her in several of her designer shoe boxes, weigh them down, and float HER to the bottom of the river!
By gregarb, on July 14, 2008 18:11:06
kelsey, of course that is assuming that Paris would be a responsible and caring mother who would never expose an innocent embryo to drugs and booze and all the potential defects that come with them.
But this is Paris Hilton. Come on, you think she'd give up weed, booze, coke and all the rest for the sake of, like, a baby? Which is like, an ACCESSORY? Next season it'll be kittens, and then like, it won't like matter anymore, y'know?
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 20:19:21
She stopped drinking AND smoking weed because both make her FAT! DUH, people! Get with the program!
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 20:54:45
Maybe because her boytoy is a recovering alcoholic and he told her to stop the drinking around him.
By Essy, on July 14, 2008 21:06:25
everybody called her fat so she's ANA again
By anonymous, on July 14, 2008 21:11:28
Gregarb....the rules are that there are no rules, only anarchy rules, darling. I thought this Paris thing might have been a sign, turns out it's not.
She's still just a diseased ostrich without an egg. And apparently a fat cow as well.
No looting yet. Feel free to go around fucking random strangers tho.
And what? Smoking weed makes you fat? Who told you that, 20:54?
By Vigilante, on July 15, 2008 06:32:53
A bullet in the middle of her head solves this problem...
By anonymous, on July 15, 2008 10:07:17
"Douchebag von Fakepunk"
--------
I think I love you, that was hilarious. :o)
By anonymous, on July 15, 2008 11:29:33
Vigilante: I tripped over that, too. I think 20:54 might have meant indirectly, because she'd be sitting on the couch chowing down on nachos...oooops, I mean swilling down Beluga caviar. Hey!! You and I could go over there, wait until she's loaded on Cristal, or does she drink Dom? I know she IS dom(with a "u" and a "b", of course). Anyway, after she's passed out, we could remove the orgy-comatosed bodies of Britney, Nicole, Lilo, and ewwwwww Nikki from between her legs, beat the crap out of her, steal her Gucci wallet, skip the dry humping, don't worry about the Alzheimer's(blackouts are God's way of saying you should never know you had lesbian sex with ewwwww your little sister, and even ewwwwwwier, Britney, Nicole and Lilo), force-feed her RU486, wash it down with sulphuric acid(lesbian-spawned Antichrists are damn hard to kill), go to Vegas, say "hi" to Jenny, put me in the rubber monkey suit, well, you get the idea!
By gregarb, on July 15, 2008 12:08:04
Now, see, THAT'S a plan. But I think Jenny'll be offended if we don't invite her along for the beating/looting bit.
I'll bring the weed, you bring the rubber monkey suit.
By Vigilante, on July 15, 2008 13:48:37
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