Ok, so guess who just titled his links post with a news story we hadn't covered yet? This...

...wait. What has two thumbs and just titled his links post...dammit.

Here's the deal: Last night, at 7PM, seventeen-year-old Chris Brown turned himself in to authorities who were investigating him for allegedly assaulting an unidentified woman the night before. This caused him to miss his performance at the Grammys.

Rihanna, Chris' boyfriend also missed her performance, adding to the ever-building crappiness of the Grammys that only Radiohead, a drumline and "The Rap Pack" could save. This lead to speculation that Rihanna was the assault victim, though only Radar Online shat himself when he received a statement so long, it must have been in a random e-mail:

"It was some time after 12PM PST [Sunday] and I had been waiting in the ER department corridor when Rihanna was brought through the back entrance on a gurney, flanked by two LAPD officers. It was impossible to know it was her at first because when they wheeled her past me, she had the hood on her fuchsia-colored sweatshirt tightly drawn round her face and she was wearing big brown sunglasses. They took her into room 14 which was opposite me. It had a six-foot glass door but the nurses drew a privacy curtain around it."

"I knew the person was famous because of all the attention she was being given by security and medical staff. However, they didn't draw the curtain all the time and I was finally able to make out that the woman they had brought in was Rihanna. She was lying in bed. While the two police officers waited outside, Rihanna was seen by the doctor. When he left, a plain clothes officer in a mismatched suit went in.
I figured he was a detective because I saw the handcuffs in his belt. He stayed in there for about an hour."

"When he left, Rihanna's two female assistants went in to see her and a private security guard stood outside. The police officers were given room 10 to use which was close to Rihanna's.
"Rihanna was clearly very upset by what had happened and I could hear her screaming. Rihanna was trying to get her point across about something, she sounded like she was crying as she tried to get to put her point across."

"Her staff was also very shaken by what had happened. Later on I saw one of the assistants crying into the shoulder of the security guard. I left at 4pm, happy to get out of the place, something terrible had clearly happened to Rihanna."

Since then, Brown posted $50,000 in bail and Rihanna's people still aren't confirming OR denying anything.

As for me, well, it's just bringing back flashbacks to when Todd hit me and told me not to mention him in a post again. [Insert rushed punchline here].

The last time the two R&B stars were seen with each other were at the Clive Davis pre-Grammy party, where they walked the Red Carpet separately.