I realize Keeley Hazell isn't an actual celebrity and has nothing to do with celebrity gossip, but she has perfect boobs and spends most of her time taking her clothes off and letting people take pictures of them. Turns out, that has a lot to do with my penis. My penis really, really loves Keeley Hazell, but he's afraid that stereotypes and ignorance will make people not be able to see his true self. He's cultured in the arts and in the sciences and enjoys reading books on constitutional law. Why, just yesterday, we were discussing how Jackson Pollock used synthetic resin-based paints called alkyd enamels during his Springs period. "This was novel at the time, " my penis said.


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