From IMDB : Oscar-winning actor Jamie Foxx has arrived on Time magazine's list of the world's most influential people, alongside President George Bush ... hailing from 31 different countries, and including rappers, designers, world leaders and a tsunami survivor, the listed newsmakers have shaped the world in some way, according to the magazine's editors.

This quote from Trey Parker of South Park has been on here before, but if I put it up again now it will be appropriate and look like I've done something:

People wonder why we rip on celebrities, when all around there are pages of shit glorifying celebrities like Winona Ryder. And celebrities view themselves as the fucking Mozarts of their time. Even fucking Ray Ramono thinks he's an enlightened individual. These people all think they're enlightened artists and therefore speak for the country. But I haven't met one celebrity who wasn't a little bit fucked up. Actors and actresses are the worst, because they're just fucking monkeys. Half the people in this country could do what they do but for some reason they think their opinion matters."

Lists like this are the height of pretension. They're never what they should be, instead they just become random quirky picks so the editor can seem enlightened and thought provoking. Oprah will probably use the list to roll it up and swat her housekeeper for not folding her giant underwear in that extra fancy way. There are some really good actors in film, but lets be perfectly clear, film acting is not real acting. Theatre is real acting. A film set is such a structured sterile environment, actors talk, they don't act. And most of them don't even do that very well. Jamie Foxx seems like a decent enough guy and he's always good in his movies, but unless he invented a love-powered car that I didn't hear about, pretending to be Ray Charles hardly makes him influential.

A report on IMDb says that "Jesica Alba has sparked speculation she's planning to take a trip down the aisle ... while she was doing reshoots for the (Fantastic Four) in Vancouver, Alba was spotted on April 8th wearing what appeared to be an engagement ring … the actress' representative insists there's a simple explanation, stating, "She is not engaged. She's had the ring for a while, usually wears it on her right hand, but it was swollen (from flying), and she switched it."

Ah, the classic 'it was swollen from flying' defense. Why, I cant think of the number of times that ... umm, wait, actually that makes no fuckin sense whatsoever. Jessica must be a great boss, because I think I might fire any representative whose idea of a good defense was to tell people that I morph into some kind of blob whenever I leave the ground.

It's also kind of charming that Jesica is normal enough that she dates a guy like Cash Warren, who is the assistant to Fantastic Four director Tim Story. A lot of girls in Hollywood would see that as beneath them. Especially since "assistant" in this town could mean anything from "trusted consultant" to "guy in charge of dissolving any 16 year old Russian prostitutes who die cause they can't handle their blow".

Anyway, here are those Vancouver pics of Jessica with what might be an engagement ring.

These posts can get a little cathartic sometimes, so if you are one of the people who hate those, you should probably just skip ahead, cause this one is gonna be pretty bad. I'll start by mentioning that, according to the police, trick-or-treating is only considered trick-or-treating if you do it on Halloween. If it's mid April and you walk back from the liquor store crying, naked except for an open bathrobe, a bottle of SoCo in one hand, a loaded Glock 9 in the other, the police consider that something else entirely and don't seem inclined to take 'trick-or-treating' as an appropriate explanation. But once I explained 'Snakes on a Plane', they understood completely. What is 'Snakes on a Plane' you may ask. Well, I'll tell you : 'Snakes on a Plane' is a movie from New Line starring Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, and hey, guess what it's about.

I would love to assume the execution of the screenplay somehow transcends its soul-crushingly stupid plot, but I'm just being ridiculous. This couldn't be any dumber if the assassin used jazz-hands for a weapon. And that sound you hear right now is me yelling fuck at the top of my lungs because I can't even begin to tell you how depressing it is that my unrivaled screenwriting brilliance has yet to be recognized and yet crap like this not only gets bought but somehow navigates the minefield of production to make it to the screen. The movie's description even manages to jam in the words "rookie pilot" to amplify its dumbness and my pain by 1 million.

From the British press is claiming "Orlando Bloom recently took some dating advice from none other than Brad Pitt and may now try to reconcile things with on again / off again girlfriend Kate Bosworth..."

Does Orlando think he can just come into the life Kate and I have built and turn our world upside down? The lady said no Orlando, deal with it. I know I seem cool and in control at all times, but trust me, ya don't poke the bear.

In a related but non-cracking-Orlando-Bloom-in-the-skull story, Kate Bosworth walking her dog may be the cutest thing I've ever seen that also gave me a near-painful hard-on. And notice that her dog that she spends so much time with what appears to be a actual dog, maybe even from the pound, not some hairless shivering rat with blush and tinted contacts and a diamond tiara like so many in Hollywood seem to cling to like they're conjoined. I'm almost positive I'm in love with Kate Bosworth. She projects an approachable kind of beautiful, she's perfect but somehow not intimidating, she's adorable and sweet but it's still really easy to picture a room full of shattered furniture as Kate looks up, sweaty and panting and smiling, pushing her hair out of her eyes after 30 hours of sex...

Holy shit ... umm ... excuse me for a minute.

From Glamour magazine: Ashton Kutcher has denied rumours he's hooked on Viagra, but admits he has tried the drug. "I tried it, but I'm not addicted," he told GLAMOUR magazine. "I don't have a hard-on now! I haven't taken it in years. I took it a few times recreationally. It's illegal [without prescription], but I've taken it."

This really does lend itself to the theory that the problem with most guys who need Viagra isn't the guy, it's the girl. I bet you no one has ever needed Viagra with Krista Allen. Funny how Ashton needed dangerous addictive drugs to trick his penis into sex with Brittany Murphy, but suddenly he's hard enough to cut glass now that he's with hyper-ripped-out MILF Demi Moore. Maybe if women would use more Pantene and Dexatrim, guys would need less Viagra. Although I must admit most of my high school chemistry classes were spent staring at Kay Donaldson's ass, so it's possible I don't have a complete command of the science involved here.

Jon sent in this link to the first online pics of Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane on the set of the upcoming Superman Returns. I'm not a huge fan of the brown hair on Kate. You really have to go out of your way to dull down her hotness, so congratulations to overrated director Bryan Singer. I know the original Lois Lane had dark hair, but those things weren't a documentary, I think they could have stuck with her natural blond and the world would have somehow kept spinning. But not even Singer could hide that ass of hers. It's amazing that a girl who's cuter than a basket of baby koala's could still inspire such unpure thoughts. And it is also cool to see James Marsden in another guaranteed huge movie. He's an underrated actor, just about the nicest guy in the world and good looking enough to make me feel confused sometimes. Uh, wait, no, I mean ... ummm ... TITS!



update - Ivan over at katebosworthweb has a truckload of pics of Kate as Lois. Unfortunately she still seems to have the brown hair in all of them. Which is hardly Ivan's fault. Damn you Singer!

"The time has finally come to share our wonderful news that we are expecting our first child together..."

My new goal in life is to find Kevin Federline and punch him in the face. So, if you see anyone at anytime and they're not punching Kevin Federline in the face, rest assured, that's not me.

Britney really did used to be kinda sweet and likable. It seems hard to remember now but it really was true. Remember? Christina was the tramp and Jessica had no career and Britney was the cocktease jailbait virgin who outsold both of them put together. It was a simpler time in America I like to refer to as 2004.

She's already a singing and acting superstar and now Jennifer Lopez has revealed she is considering a move into politics. The Latino beauty added that she'll use activist pal Jane Fonda as an advisor when she gets serious ... 'I remember asking Jane if I wanted to do something what would you say. She told me: 'There's a time to do things and a way to do things. When you're ready call me and I'll tell you what's right and what's wrong, so you won't get yourself in any trouble.'

I like to pretend that America wouldn't be dumb enough to elect Jenny from the block to any kind of public office, but, based on a quick look at our current politicians, I'm pessimistic. I am encouraged by the fact that her keen political instincts have told her it's a good idea to become aligned with Hanoi Jane Fonda, a woman mostly famous for her political activity during the Vietnam War. She was the one cheering for the Vietnamese. While they tried to kill my dad.

My dream is a world where everyone loves each other and we celebrate our differences and there's always enough of everything for everyone. Wouldn't that be great? Can you picture it? You can! Well, congratulations, you're thinking of Fraggle Rock. Fag. Now go play with your dolls and not vote while I kill me some terrorists and make a necklace of ears.