According to a story on Glamour UK, "Scarlett Johansson says her ultimate fantasy would be having sex in the back seat of a car ... 'I do think having sex in a car is sexy. If I were in a really raunchy frame of mind and thinking of doing something crazy and kinky and sexy, the back seat would be it.'

I haven't gotten around to having sex with Scarlett Johansson yet, I've been pretty busy, but I've always assumed it was gonna be pretty hot. Now I'm not so sure. Scarlett needs to get a computer, cause the back-seat fantasy died in the 1950's once people figured out what porn was and it was only exciting in the first place cause drive-in movies led you to believe you might get attacked by a monster. If her ultimate deviant fantasy is sex in the back seat, I might bring a magazine or something cause I'm gonna get pretty bored pretty fast. Unless the back seat is filled with 10 other models and a saddle and some cowgirl hats. And a little something called the 'Mr. T Power Fist'. Although I'm gonna need a AC outlet and a surge suppressor for that one.

This week, Time magazine "reports on the interrogation of Mohammed al Qahtani at Guantanamo Bay, who is widely believed to be the so-called 20th hijacker, a compatriot of Osama bin Laden and a man who had tried to enter the U.S. in August 2001 to take part in the Sept. 11 attacks ... The quizzing now starts at midnight, and when (al Qahtani) dozes off, interrogators rouse him by dripping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera music."

Thanks a lot pussy liberals. This could have been an awesome report if not for you, and they could have replaced the words "dripping water onto" with "slammed a hammer into" and "playing Christina Aguilera music" with "execute". Honest to God, once I'm in charge, if I see any electronic equipment brought into a room with a guy involved with 9/11, I better hear the phrase, "Red is positve, black is negative" and "don't bother with any KY".

From IMDB: "Tom Crusies beliefs in Scientology are based on misinformation, according to Entertainment Weekly - after editors checked facts from a recent interview ... Just weeks after accusing Brooke Shields of being 'misinformed' after she championed anti-depressants for helping her deal with post-partum depression, Cruise made a couple of sweeping statements to Entertainment Weekly (who checked) Cruise's comments and found out he wasn't accurate. Supporting Scientology claims that psychiatry is 'a Nazi science', Cruise stated, 'Carl Jung ... was an editor for the Nazi papers during World War Two,' ... (EW) researchers discovered this is untrue ... The movie star continued, 'Look at the experimentation the Nazis did with electric shock and drugging. Look at the drug methadone. That was originally called Adolophine. It was named after Adolph Hitler.' The magazine also questions Cruise on this point, explaining, 'According to the Dictionary Of Drugs And Medications, this is an urban legend.'"

This sure does feel like another witch hunt from the liberal media, cause if they have some proof that this religion - founded by a science fiction writer and based on million year old aliens trapped in volcano prisons - is some sort of sham, well, I would like to see that, sir. I would like to see your "proof" very much.

"My first commercial was for a medication grade acne [treatment]," The OC star revealed this week. "They had to put me in like two hours of make-up ... I've never seen it, but my friends have seen it. They did a 'before' and 'after' in the commercial and I started out with a lot of acne. And then they go to 'after' and I was like, 'Well at least the audience will know that I really don't have huge boils on my face because we'll clean it off.' And they were like, 'Well, actually not so, buddy, because you'd have tons of acne scars.' So then I hug my mom and I'm all like pock-marked. That's in existence somewhere and $100 to whoever finds it! I've never seen it."

I read that four times - mostly because I can barely read - but also because I got worried, because Adam Brody tells stories like he's undercover and trying to work in a code word so the FBI knows that the deal has gone bad and it's time to send in his backup. So, like, has anyone heard? Is he okay? Cause I'm totally gonna bang Rachel Bilson if he's dead.

Another picture today from the W magazine 60 page photo shoot where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie see how quickly they can force a gun into Jennifer Aniston's mouth. Honest to God, they might as well bang each other on Aniston's car or dig up her childhood pets and bury them upside down.



All credit here to Frank from over on voics.

In an interview now online on Entertainment Weekly, Tom Cruise addresses some of his insane tendencies of late, including flopping around on Oprah, taking shots out of nowhere on Brooke Shields and his ramped up commitment to Scientology, the only thing that can save the lost souls here on Teegeeack, or what you humans call "Earth". Before anyone is too hard on Tom, just remember that his body is inhabited by the wandering souls of fried space aliens. So that sucks. And laugh if you want, but once Xenu is freed from his electronic mountain trap and order is restored to the Galactic Confederation, (an alliance of 76 planets founded 95 million years ago) you're gonna feel pretty silly. No offense all of you who don't believe in Xenu, but you're kinda makin an ass out of yourself.

Thanks to Christie for the Scientology link. And here's another thanks to sex-kitten reader Jenny.

It would be awesome if TVgasm had even a mildly more credible name, but I'm gonna pass on their claim about Lindsay Lohan and her dramatic weight loss none the less.

"TVgasm has learned from a source close to Lindsay Lohan that her shrinking, frail frame is not the result of an eating disorder, but of a coke addiction mixed will diet pill abuse ... part of the Lohan elite agreed to give me some information on conditions of anonymity ... "(her) partying is getting out of control," the source reports. "She's gone from occasional coke use to a full on fiend; it's scary."

Lindsay Lohan is either a coke freak or she's been cursed by the Black Pearl. She's an eighteen year old billionaire princess who for some inexplicable reason looks like she's done two tours in 'Nam. Maybe in a world of unicorn chariots and gumdrop rainbows there's a completely rational explanation for how someone loses 50 pounds over the weekend that doesn't involve amputation, but I'm pessimistic. If years of training with the Bolshoi Ballet taught me anything, it's what girls look like when all they eat is cigarettes and cocaine. And, umm, it's exactly like this.

Me and some of the supermodels watched the Brad Pitt interview on Primetime Live last night - the models wanted to see Brad, I wanted to see the African villagers and call the models fat - but they started to get un-horny when they saw the little kids, so I turned it off and gave them a Winnie the Pooh that giggles when you press his tummy. Luckily I overheard one of the caddies at my country club talking about it, and from what Guillermo said, it seems Pitt spent most of the night talking about Ethiopia, the heartbreaking level of poverty there and what he feels the Unites States government can do about it. Guillermo made some interesting points about oversimplifying complex problems and how government does nothing well or efficiently, charity being no exception. He said that private charities handle things like this more effectively 100 percent of the time, but Pitts heart seems to be in the right place and he deserves a great deal of credit for trading time with uncomfortable personal questions in exchange for shedding some light on Africa's problems, at least according to the wise and thoughtful Guillermo. I had him fired and deported anyway of course. Maybe I overreacted, or maybe he shouldn't talk during my backswing, it's hard to say for sure, but I am gonna miss the guy. We've had some good times, Guillermo. I'm gonna miss you, bro.

To learn more about the ONE Campaigns efforts to end poverty in Africa click here.