Paris Latsis' mom, "You are a making us a laughing stock." : Apparently Greece and the Latsis family hadn't really heard about Paris Hilton and her perpetual whoreing. But now they have. And they've seen the night vision porno starring their future daughter-in-law. And they have a few thoughts on the matter.

Try and guess if they're good.

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Kate Moss wants Johnny Knoxville: these stories have to make Mrs. Johnny Knoxville positively giddy.

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Britney Spears has huge boobs: Man, talk about a close call, I wore this exact same outfit the other day. Thank God we didn't end up at the same party.

These pictures aren't new but the high-res versions are, as is Britney's complete and utter lack of caring. If you ever tried to figure out exactly what Britney Spears nipples look like, you'll get the definitive answer in about 5 seconds.

Maybe it's because I'm a sexy sexist pig, but I've always considered this chick pretty average looking. I actually think she's a really good actress, but I'm a bit puzzled by her rep as some amazing beauty. Generally speaking, a photo shoot of her proceeded by 20 hours of hair and makeup would be like putting a fresh coat of paint on a house that's on fire, but she looks pretty great here. So good in fact, it took me a minute to even figure out who it is. And even though I know I'm alone on that, I'll update later and post more pictures and her name. In the meantime, throw your guess down in the comment section, if you're into that sort of thing.




update - I'm no genius, clearly - it's only my zest for life that continues to overcome - but I should probably put some more thought into these things to at least not label the pictures "CT", as someone correctly pointed out. But this is Charlize Theron, in a shoot for something I've never heard of in a foreign language I don't recognize. I don't speak insane or whatever these are labeled in and foreign countries are home of the Ebola virus so I rarely leave the states, but they spell "new" "nieuwe" if that helps. Where that rack came from in the second picture, I have no idea.

The unbelievably great Radar Online has a post this morning about Mischa Barton and the new guy she's been seen with as of late:

Ever since O.C. actress Mischa Barton's split from oil heir Brandon Davis, photos of Barton and her alleged new beau, Hollywood stylist Johnny Wujek, have been all over the weeklies. But is the romance for real? While Barton, 19, is telling pals Wujek, 27, is her boyfriend, sources close to the pair say it's all part of the not-so-ingenue's plan to make her ex jealous ... Called for comment, Barton's publicist said that there's "no way" his client and the stylist are dating. "It's not even possible," he added, "if you catch my drift."

Radar Online is owned by the parent company of US News and World Report and the New York Daily News, so don't think they don't occasionally know what the hell they're talking about. And Barton did jump on this guy like a trout who saw something shiny. It almost made me think some of my kissing potion had been stolen. So either Barton is super easily impressed, or Radar is absolutely right once again, just like their hard hitting expose that revealed I have Hollywood's Hottest Buns.

The Family Guy movie is online: ever since seeing that Ben Affleck ad about downloading bootlegged movies, I'm obviously against pirating and torrents, so I only mention this to remind all of you to not go to IsoHunt.com or PirateBay.org and type in "family guy movie", and then download the DVD-rip of the untold Stewie Griffin story. Cause that would really disappoint Ben Affleck. And just think of everything he's done for you.
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Thomas Haden Church is the Chameleon: Development Hell is reporting that Thomas Hayden Church will not be playing Sandman in Spider Man 3 but instead has been cast as the Chameleon. Geeks will delight in knowing that this is the villain from the very first issue of the Spider Man comic book. The second incarnation of the Green Goblin will also make a late appearance. No word on who Topher Grace will play, but the speculation is still that it will be Venom.

Ummm ... okay I don't have a joke for this ... uhh ... oh okay, "what's the best part of taking a shower with a 12 year old girl? Get her hair wet and she looks 10."

Ta-da!
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Kevin Spacey is Lex Luther: the first pictures of former working actor Kevin Spacey as Lex Luther in Superman Returns hit the net this morning, courtesy of Supermanhomepage.com. I still have zero confidence is director Bryan Singer, who despite brilliant and random luck (being handed the script for Usual Suspects and the last second casting of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, despite his choice of Dougray Scott) still manages to make movies as exciting as a senior center slide show.

There's not a whole lot worth writing about this morning, so that means it's time for some random Marissa Miller Krista Allen Eva Longoria pictures, this time of her throwing out the first pitch at the Los Angeles Angels game on July 24th. She looks good, but she's no Vlad Guerrero. Man that dude is just poured into his uniform.

I could probably look up some random article on Eva to make this look like a real news story, but I have to get to court this morning. Man, cops really freak out when you dig casket sized holes in your backyard overnight. I'm sorry if my hardcore fight training is unconventional and offends the blue bloods at the yacht club, as they shake their heads and say 'hurumph' about my rebellious nature, but when you're raised on the streets like me, the gym just won't cut it.

Sorry the page was kind of lame today. I only put up the two posts this morning, and that was like 8 hours ago. Johnny Law had his boot on my neck all day. I'm pretty sure it was racially motivated, which is confusing cause I'm white. I tried to explain that were all on the same team here officers, but they saw the way I pulled the ho's and didn't want to believe it. Then I showed them that I had factory rims on my car and they let me go.

A couple quick hits here:

Charlotte Church topless in super high res - now see her roll of fat with unsurpassed clarity.

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Vince Vaughn doesn't understand tabloids - "I don't know who spends their time on `Oh my God, what happened today?'" Vaughn told reporters recently, according to AP Radio.

Well if Vince gets any fatter this wont be a problem. He's almost at the point where if you tipped him over, his arms wouldn't even fall to his side, they would just stick out like you knocked over a sawhorse.

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Jessica Simpson fires back at Christian critics - I'll be honest, I didn't even read this story. For all I know, you follow this link and you get some horrible virus, I just saw "Simpson" and figured this would be a good excuse to post pictures of Jessica's tongue.

Hey, are you still reading this? I said "Jessica Simpson's toungue."

According to a report on this mornings Female First UK:

Teri Hatcher makes love in an old van parked in her garden - to stop her seven-year-old daughter accidentally interrupting proceedings. The 'Desperate Housewives' actress admits she has been inviting dates back to her "passion wagon" in the driveway of her luxury mansion. She is quoted as saying: "I've had that battered VW van for years I think it's sexy and hot to get to grips with a guy in my passion wagon. When my van's a rocking, don't come knocking!"

I'm much less interested in that than I am the fact the Teri Hatcher has gotten so insane with the Botox she now has all the expressive movement of a burn victim. I had a buddy who had his nose bitten off in a fight one time, and we saved it in a cup of beer and took him to the hospital and had it re-attached, but the skin died and his nose turned black and he eventually had to get a skin graph from his forehead - and his nose still looked more human than Teri Hatcher's. It's really freakin creepy to see what she has turned into. She was never any stunning beauty, but she always looked kind of fresh-faced and natural. Now she looks like an unkillable mummy. I'm not trying to imply that she is an unkillable mummy, I'm saying, yes, she is an unkillable mummy.



As an aside, the "I got your nose" joke gets really funny when you do it to someone whose nose does, in fact, occasionally fall off. Another fun thing to do - after the skin dies and their nose turns black - is to get them drunk and take pictures of them in a Mickey Mouse hat. It's like you're friends with Micky Mouse! And who wouldn't love that!

The irony seems to be lost on Jennifer Lopez, but putting the blame on her staff for her reputation as a diva is the damage control equivalent of Bin Laden wearing rainbow suspenders. You're not fooling anyone. We still hate you, but now, we also kind of resent you for thinking we're that gullible.

Jennifer Lopez is blaming her diva reputation on her staff. The pop babe - who is notorious for her outrageous demands on set including the demand that her tea only be stirred counter-clockwise - insists her aides ask for things without her knowledge. "My publicity people made those demands. I didn't even know they were asking for candles and lilies in my rooms. They just appeared."

The inference seems to be that JeLo's staff loves her so much they just do these crazy things to see her smiling face. Cause she's so grateful. And as a perfect illustration that's she still just Jenny from the Block:

The star has revealed she is set to design a brand new fashion line of accessories for pampered pets after becoming been frustrated at the limited line available for animals. "Jennifer just got creative and wanted to extend the range of jewels for animals. She has always found it somewhat frustrating that there are limited accessories available for them."

If you're not filled with disgust and borderline hate right now, go and read that second part again. It said "jewels for animals." Right after "I'm not a diva." Which is like punching a cop in the balls in an attempt to get off with a warning. Except, replace that last part with something that actually makes sense. And is funny.