"Teen singer CHARLOTTE CHURCH has been left red-faced after paparazzi caught her topless on a Caribbean beach," says Contact Music. "The Welsh soprano, 19, is holidaying in Antigua with her rugby star boyfriend GAVIN HENSON, and was unaware her ample bosom was photographed as she applied sun lotion to her body. Photos of Church's bare breasts were published in today's edition of British newspaper The Sun."

Here's that picture from the Sun below. So if you're into blurry pictures of girls who are sort of famous, well then you're the big winner. I think I'll stick to internet porn and that strip club on Sunset and La Brea, thanks. Feel free to drop by. It's a pink building next to a Chevron, and if you see a cardboard cut out of me, you'll know you're in the right place. Tell 'em Brendon sent you and your first drink is free!

Newsday is reporting that "Brittany Murphy is the first celebrity Jordache jeans girl. She stars in a series of new ads for the company that became famous during the 1970s. The ads are a twist on the horse-head logo, with the 27-year-old actress posing bareback on a horse in a field. Jordache said the first ads will run in national publications beginning in September."

Is there some kind of jean shortage in this country I haven't heard about? Is it really necessary to bring back a brand from the 70's. I don't know how to break this to the fine folks at Jordache, but I don't think this is gonna be the money making extravaganza they're dreaming of, regardless of how badly I want to have sex with thier confusingly hot spokesgirl.

If you're an international Hollywood hunk like Leo DiCaprio, and you're generally considered a pretty good guy and maybe the greatest actor of your generation, and you have a romance novel name that makes you sound like a knight on a unicorn in the year 1780, I bet one thing that's really annoying is when your supermodel girlfriend hangs all over other international supermodels. That would be irritating. It would be maddening to see your supermodel girlfriend hang all over a dude who's previous claim to fame was people thinking he was Pauly Shore. 24 hours after going out with you. In public. Yikes.


July 20, 2005



July 21, 2005




note - The alternate title for this post was, "Behold the power of makeup!"

The 40 Year Old Virgin - Even as I write this at 6 in the morning, I'm wearing an ascot and top-hat, and when my staff says "tis another glorious morning, gov'ner" my response is a dignified "indubitably", so I'm obviously a very classy dish, but for all of you perverts out there who think boner jokes and pointless vulgarity and even nudity are funny, especially in a movie trailer, then you might want to check out this very R-rated, very NSFW version of the trailer for Steve Carells the 40 Year Old Virgin .

Get Rich or Die Trying - This thing is truly baffling. It kind of looks like a typical rushed piece of crap, forced out quick to take advantage of 50 Cent's fame, like when you see Tom Green in the first Charlie's Angels or something, but it's directed by 7-time Oscar nominee Jim Sheridan, the Irish playwright and director of My Left Foot, In America and In the Name of the Father. And it's written by Terence Winter, who wrote about 20 episodes of the Sopranos. But this is only a teaser trailer, so it's pretty vague and hard to know what the end result will be. Like that time I hired a hit-man. Wait, did I say "hired a hit-man"? I meant to say "ordered ice cream." So many flavors, I was in way over my head.

According to a story in this mornings Page Six, "Courtney Love is furious at a snub from Steven Spielberg. Love's daughter, Frances Bean, and Spielberg's son, Sawyer, are pals through a shared passion for equestrian competition, but Bean was left off the guest list for Sawyer's recent bar mitzvah..."

I'm going to make stuff up here and suggest that Spielberg did contemplate inviting Francis Bean, but then someone mentioned that she would probably be escorted by Courtney Love, and that was pretty much the end of that. Based on stuff I'm not making up, you could release a pen of greased pigs and then set the ballroom on fire and have more peace and order than if you invited Courtney Love to something like a bar mitzvah.

And since the article also said something about Josie Moran...




update - And right on cue, Love mysteriously blacks out at a party and is rushed to the hospital.

As cyclist Lance Armstrong strengthens his grip today on a seventh consecutive victory in the Tour de France, several sources are reporting that Matt Damon might be about to step into the role of Armstrong in an upcoming biopic. 8 Mile screenwriter Scott Silver has been hired by Sony Pictures to work on a first draft and Armstrong had this to say in the magazine Men's Journal:

"I've had the chance to get to know Matt Damon. He is a fan of cycling and has a connection to cancer. He has expressed an interest in the role..."

Like every other person alive, I'm impressed as hell with what Armstrong has done and what he has overcome. His victory over a very aggressive cancer is obviously empowering and heartwarming. And I like Matt Damon a lot, but cycling isn't the most watchable sport in the world, so I'm not sure how that might translate on screen. I can't watch it, and absolutely nothing makes me happier than to see an American piss off the French. It's really only worth watching to hear the commentators wanna kill themselves. 12 hours of, "So Jim, what do you think Lance is gonna do now?" "Well ... I think he's gonna try to pedal faster than those other guys. Back to you Tom."

At about the half way point you swear they're just gonna open up the paper and start reading. "Bad news Jim, 'China stalls on trade pact...'"

I read something where Japanese scientists were testing a pill that was like a girl version of Viagra, and it makes women really horny and more likely to have a lesbian experience. It probably won't work of course since Japanese scientists are goofy perverts, not magical wizards, but it doesn't look like Pam Anderson and Lindsay Lohan need that pill anyway, since they're pawing all over each other and seal things with a kiss. And I know what you're thinking, "Wow, the only thing hotter than 2 chicks kissing would be 4 chicks kissing. Or maybe even 5!" And I'd have to agree with you. But then you'd think, "Well then what we really need is 7 hot girls kissing." But that's where I draw the line. I'm sorry my friends, but 7 is just too much.



update - someone in the comments asked about the third picture and any more from this set. I added the only two left, and neither of those has the angle they want, but I tacked on that same picture in super high res, so go nuts.

At some point Brad Pitt is going to start to wonder what the hell he's done. He's already gotten meningitis. His weekends are spent wading through human misery, sitting in dirt that is the floor and also dinner, trying to talk like a ventriloquist so the flies don't get into his mouth. Now there's a new baby in the house. Still not Brad's, by the way, despite his well known desire to start a family. Those are the first pictures of Wakka Wakka or whatever the kid's name is below. Meanwhile, Vince Vaughn is banging away on Jennifer Aniston in their ginormous Malibu palace, driving the Range Rovers to run up a tab at NoBu and going to Cubs games. At some point, sex with Angelina Jolie - I don't care what she'll let you do to her - just becomes more trouble than it's worth.



Picture credit to JJB.