Jenny here with a few quick links for you:

Courtney Love has confirmed the rumor that she's pregnant. I am truly amazed this broad was able to conceive another child. I would have thought that whatever organs are still able to function in that polluted mess of a body would have packed up and left by now. I am even more amazed that there is a guy out there who wanted to have sex with her and was actually able to maintain an erection long enough to impregnate her.

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Madonna's bellybutton tops Spin Magazine's list of Rock's 25 Most Incredible Body Parts. I catch a lot of flack for my undying love and devotion to almost all things Madonna. I say "almost" because I haven't forgiven her for helping keep Britney Spears on the musical radar, trying to rap on that last CD or joining a cult, but I still love that sexy bitch. And I'll never be able to thank her enough for her book, SEX, which came out when I was in high school and contained the hottest pictures ever taken of her. It also taught me that it's okay to have sex with other women and masturbate while straddling a mirror. That book was a better teaching aid than any of those sappy books she's writing nowadays in a desperate attempt to equalize her karma in the eyes of her Kabbalah gods, or whatever. Those are to literature what Nick Nolte's mugshot is to glamour photography.

Some of those very hot and very NSFW pictures from SEX can be seen here.

Performing at the MTV Video Music Awards can be well worth it if you crave the pointless free crap packaged in the famous gift bags awards shows routinely hand out to entice big names to grace the stage. Crap like $1,000 mink eyelashes and 24-carat gold lash curlers. I'm serious, by the way. The bags at this year's VMAs were valued at $26,000. Nice, but a paltry sum compared to the bag at last year's Grammys, which were worth an estimated $34,000, or last year's Academy Awards, which was valued at $150,000.

Other items in the VMA bag were an iPod shuffle with an MTV logo, an orange vinyl Paul Frank watch and a glass checker-set from Jose Cuervo, six months of guitar strings from Dean Markley, a six-month membership from The Sports Club/LA, two complimentary vacations, Shu Uemura makeup products, a Willy Wonka "golden ticket" redeemable for unlimited Nestle Wonka candy, a Dooney & Bourke triangle duffel bag, Swarovski T-shirts from Americana Couture, a Frederick's of Hollywood herringbone tweed-and-velvet corset, Givenchy perfume, Taryn Rose ballet shoes, Missoni sunglasses, a limited-edition Sean John tee, and, last but not least, the billionaire artists can redeem a $1,000 gift certificate to "life coach" Sherri Ziff Lester, who may have some thoughts as to why people hate them.

MSNBC is reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen is the choice of Calvin Klein to become the face of his next campaign. Jeannette Walls writes:

The younger (by two minutes) half of the Olsen twins, stands five-feet, two-inches and was admitted to a clinic last year for an eating disorder. Still, she and sister Ashley are considered style icons by some, as the New York Times noted earlier this year, "In fact the twins are trendsetters for the latest hipster look. Calvin Klein, who famously launched the career of waif-like Kate Moss in a series of ads, wants Mary-Kate ... to be featured in a campaign for his upcoming high-end collection."

Mary Kate Olsen is to modeling what donkeys are to field goal kicking. I'm sure they could both technically do the job, but are you seriously telling me that this is the best option available? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't models supposed to make clothes look good? No matter what. Like, even if they were wearing Jamie Gum's dress made from fat-girl skin, you would look at it and think, "well, sure, it looks good on these professional models..."

There's no chance that anyone anywhere ever has looked at this and thought, "Yeah, I want to look like Mary Kate. Because everyone loves heartwarming aliens." That has never ever ever happened. And that's not the worst she can look. I saw a picture of her one time, and my penis literally fell off. Literally. I was reading a magazine and I turned the page and there she was, and then I just heard a "whump" sound as something fleshy hit the floor. Swear to God.

Images removed per request.

Many sociologists are now in agreement that the more Eva Longoria gets dressed up, the worse she looks. Put her in evening gowns and fake eyelashes and she looks average at best. Put her in jeans and the mud and she looks devastating. You could paint her in blood and she would look better than she did last night. In fact, that might be pretty hot. Ooo, especially if she was naked. Here she is in both of her outfits from last night's MTV Video Music Awards. I'm not sure what madman convinced her to wear that dress, but I'm assuming his mom beat him with a pool cue and now he hates women. In the mom's defense, I now would also like to beat him with a pool cue. So getting her out of that dress was a good start. And don't get me wrong, that suit is awful too, but at least she doesn't look like she's trying to make weight as a high school wrestler.

Please believe me when I tell you that no one wants to have sex with Jessica Simpson more than I do, even though I might get arrested if she looked like this and we went for a walk downtown. I assume when she gets paid it's just in giant bags with dollar signs on them so I'm not sure how a disaster like this happens. I think raccoons are as cute as the next little girl does, but I can only think of a few dozen times that I've actually masturbated to them.

Jenny here with a couple of quick links:

Suge Knight was shot in the leg outside of an MTV VMAs pre-party which was hosted by Kanye West. There is speculation that the wound which shattered his leg bone was self inflicted. I don't know. I wasn't there. See, because I wouldn't attend any party which had Suge friggin' Knight on the guest list. Call it life preservation, if you will. That dude would punch his own reflection if he looked at himself wrong.

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I would rather be seen topless, in a pair of acid washed Z. Cavariccis, with neon pink leg warmers and LA Gear high tops, than be seen in public wearing anything from Justin Timberlake's new clothing line. I haven't seen the clothes yet, but anyone who dresses as a Michael Jackson impersonator most of the time and dates chicks who wear crap like this obviously lacks the part of the brain which controls good choices.

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Tara Reid was staying in some swanky hotel in London while filming an episode for her train wreck of a show, "Taradise", and booked a separate suite to store her shoes. Her shoes? Shouldn't that have read "her cache of liquor and condoms"? Well, maybe not the condoms.

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Pamela Anderson drinks espresso because it makes her nipples hard. Espresso pretty much has the same effect on me. Well, that's one thing on a laundry list of things which also includes the wind blowing, blinking and breathing.

I'm sure I don't need to explain that Brigitte Bardot was pretty much the hottest piece of ass on the planet in the 1960's. And by that, I mean she was kind of a hussy. But now she's a big animal rights activist in her home of France and her latest cause is for the government to outlaw the practice by French fishermen of using live puppies and kittens as shark bait. And if you're not mumbling "Jesus I hate the French" under your breath right now, go read that last sentence again, because it said "live puppies and kittens as shark bait".

According to a newspaper in Reunion, a French island located in the Indian Ocean, a six-month-old puppy was found last month with hooks implanted in its snout and one of its legs. The French Society for the Protection of Animals (SPA) told the paper that the dog was the victim of fishermen who attract sharks by throwing puppies or kittens into the water, tied to fishing lines, and wait for the predators to swallow the thrashing animals. "We don't see that every day, but it's not the first time, either," said the vice-president of the SPA. "We've already seen cats six or seven months old with hooks in them."

There's a billion reasons to hate the French, and I'll let you decide on your favorite. I guess sunshine and innocence wouldn't stay on the hook, so they got the next best thing. Evil like this is normally only seen in cartoons, where ladies are tied to train tracks by guys in tophats with monocles and handlebar mustaches as they cackle manically. And normally they can only be stopped by a talking moose and a flying squirrel, but if you take an Armalite rifle and fire randomly at French fishing boats, that may also be effective.

Despite every initial report claiming that Zahara Marley Jolie was orphaned when both of her parents died of AIDS, the Sun UK is reporting today that Wakka Wakka's mom is an 18 year old girl named Mentewab Dawit, and she is alive and well in Ethiopia.

The Sun also has a picture of the girl next to a picture of Jolie holding Wakka. This may or may not constitute legally binding proof that she is Wakka's mother; I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. She does kind of look like Wakka, but a closer look reveals that they have different last names, so now I don't know what to think.



update - more now on the the saga of Wakka Wakka, from the Sun and Female First UK:

Mentewab Dawit was brutally raped in 2004 and discovered she was pregnant four months later. She named her daughter Setota, which means "gift", moved in with her mother and took a job at a construction company but still found her bills impossible to pay and could only watch as her daughter lost a drastic amount of weight.

I was all alone after giving birth, but I was so happy to have my child, but I was thinking about its future. I could only eat a piece of bread each day, so it was very difficult to me to breastfeed my child. I assumed my baby was going to die."

Dawit eventually gave the baby up for adoption and was relieved when Setota/Zahara Marley was found a home in July but had no idea who had adopted her child until the Sun tracked her down in a town outside of the Ethiopian capital.

I am so grateful to this lady for giving my daughter a better life. I want them both to know I love them very much. I want to say thank you to Angelina for giving my baby this wonderful, loving family. I want to ask just one thing of Angelina - which is that she gives my child the education I would love for her. In the future I would like to know about her condition, but I will never try to interfere with their lives."