Jessica Alba recently admitted her breasts were digitally enhanced in the Into The Blue and Fantastic Four movie posters. Alba said,

They enhanced my chest a little bit. They always do it. And in the poster for 'Fantastic Four' - they did it big time!"

I didn't think she'd need much enhancing since she's about as naturally flawless and well proportioned as it gets. She's practically impossible to cut up unless you believe Awful Plastic Surgery's theory that Jessica already enhanced her own boobies. Even if that's the case, what can I use to make fun of her? Saying she bought herself a decent sized pair of implants and picked a great surgeon to do it (unlike Tara Reid (nsfw)) isn't really much of an insult. She was cool enough to admit the movie posters are a lie, she dates a normal guy, who up until everyone found out he was copulating with Jessica Alba, wasn't famous and she probably kisses other girls even when she's sober. So I'm just going to say that according to the pictures below she's butt-picker, and ... uggh ... I give up. The girl's butt is so nice she can't even keep her own hands off of the thing.

Evangeline Lilly admits she once urinated in a parking lot trash can after being dared to do it by her co-stars Matthew Fox, Jorge Garcia and Dominic Monaghan.

"One night, we had all gone bowling. Most people left, so it was myself, Matthew, Jorge and Dominic - three goofy, out-there guys. So we're in the middle of a parking lot in Kailua, daring each other to do things. Jorge turns to me and says, 'I'll give you twenty dollars if you pee in that garbage can.' Thirty seconds later, I've got my pants down and my bum hanging into this garbage can, and he has to give me twenty dollars. I don't have a lot of inhibition."

Man, what a coincidence! Because "hot chicks who will do demeaning things for very little money" is exactly what I typed into my eHarmony personality profile under "searching for". Wow. I expected good results of course - Dawn and Todd have been married over a year! - but I wasn't expecting a young Hollywood starlet. The website says we should find a common interest on a first date, and while it might be a little different, hey, they're the experts, so rinse that before you eat it Homeless Guy, cause I'm in the mood for love and I just shotgunned a 2 liter of Coke to prove it.

MSNBC is reporting this morning that Bruce Willis has made it clear to ex-wife Demi Moore that he wants their children to be kept away from Kabbalah, her trendy Hollywood religion which is an offshoot of Judaism, but is often labeled as a cult by critics. The report says that Willis "strictly forbids" his children with Moore from being exposed to the controversial church. Says a source:

Bruce's feelings are that Demi and Ashton can do whatever they want with their personal and religious lives, but he puts down his foot when it comes to his daughters and does not want them visiting the Kabbalah Centre."

The reason so many people might think that Kaballah is a shadowy cult that demands secrecy and only cares about money is because they're a shadowy cult that demands secrecy and only cares about money. Which totally reminds me that I need to finish my paperwork and start my shadowy religious Hollywood cult. I've narrowed our new God down to either a golden tiger or Cobra, the bad guy from G.I. Joe. I may have to kick some money back to Hasbro for the licensing rights, but that first night Kirsten Dunst gets attacked by rattlesnakes will make it worth every penny.

One of the most closely guarded secrets in Hollywood has been reveled, because the combined forces of Sony and Marvel Studios are no match for the idiocy of Kirsten Dunst. In an interview with Zap2it Dunst was asked about Spiderman 3, and with no specific follow-up, she gleefully gave away the names and details the two studios have worked tirelessly for months to keep quiet. Said Dunst:

We have really great people though as the villains in this film, Thomas Haden Church and Topher Grace -- Venom and Sandman. Maybe I wasn't supposed to say that."

The article goes on to say that Dunst quickly checked with her rep after the slip and was assured that the information has already been released. But here's the thing - No, it really really hasn't been released. Rumors have spread for months now about the villians in the film, which is exactly what the people at Marvel and Sony wanted and what they have worked to fuel so that the Spiderman sequel stays in the publics consciousness. Now the only real question is what does more damage when thrown at Kirsten Dunst: rocks or bottles? Experts would say it's rocks. At least I hope they would, cause that's what I'm using.

Kanye West was refused entry into a London nightclub over the weekend when a doorman didn't recognize him. West was in the UK to promote his new album and had just finished a show at Abbey Road studios when he and his entourage rolled up to the club Chinawhite on the West End. Says a source:

Kanye rocked up at China white at around 2:30am with his entourage. They parked their two silver Mercedes people carriers outside the club and all of them headed to the door. The people on the door said it was members' only and they didn't seem to recognize him at all." The report adds that "Kanye was gracious but he was fuming. His big night had been ruined."

A spokesmen for Chinawhite refused comment for this story, so the part that says "they didn't seem to recognize Kanye" is pretty much just a guess. Also likely is that Chinawhite has a dress code, and sweater vests from Lands End aren't part of that code. If some rapper is going to be a pain in the ass at your club, he should at least have the decency to not dress like Payne Stewart.

Sultry eye-candy reader Dan wrote in to remind me that God does sometimes smile on the righteous and punish the wicked. In this case, me and Kirsten Dunst, respectively. Dan is probably somewhere in the middle. But he says:

I don't seek Kirsten Dunst news; it finds me. Somebody mentioned seeing her at a bar (poor bastard) and a friend of a friend, who is from Denmark, said that "dunst" is a Danish word meaning "horrible stench." He didn't elaborate, but he stressed that the implications are so severe that the word is used sparingly."

I speak Danish fluently of course, but I'd forgotten this because my time in Denmark is part of my mysterious past that I'm running from, while trying to start a new life here in the OC, but this really is true. "Dunst" really does mean "stench". The only thing not clear is if its always meant that or if this is the kind of thing where the formal name becomes slang for a general term. Like when people say "FedEx" when they just mean to priority mail something, or like how in the south we refer to every kind of soft drink as "Coke". Did Dunst always mean to smell like dead fish, or did she spend some time there in a loose fitting skirt and the Danish just know something we don't.

It looks like the winning bidder for the pictures of Britney Spears's first born is OK magazine.

The pop babe is rumoured to have been paid around $1.5-million for the interview and photos. Earlier this week, it was claimed that Britney earned around $6-million for having a baby.

The sexy singer and her husband Kevin Federline will receive the huge sum after agreeing to a number of TV, photo and endorsement deals showing off the new arrival to the world.

The couple have allegedly accepted over $3-million to show home-video footage of the birth on their popular reality TV show Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.

They are also rumoured to have agreed a deal worth over $1.5-million to video the first few weeks of Sean Preston's life for TV."

I think all of these magazines and television networks should band together and collectively choose not to pay them for these exclusive rights. It would be an amusing experiment in order to see how low they are willing to go to sell the pictures and video before the paparazzi snaps photos of them having their first public family dinner in a Kentucky Fried Chicken parking lot. OK magazine should at least have some say in how the Spears-Federlines spend the money in order to prevent them from running out and blowing it all on Swarovski Crystal pacifiers, Louis Vuitton diapers, FUBU crib sheets and infant sized do rags.

These pictures which look like they were taken from a satellite near Saturn will do for now. The dark haired woman with same hairstyle as Britney and a hair color which more closely resembles Britney's natural shade of brown is her mom, Lynn Spears. Lynn's the one holding the little commodity. Britney's the one blowing a snot rocket onto the pool deck in the last picture.

Star Magazine is one of many sources now reporting that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were married in a secret ceremony Saturday night (9.25.05) at their home in Beverly Hills. This is Demi's third marriage, Ashton's first. Says Star:

Preparations were kept strictly secret, with guests being whisked in incognito, while security guards told onlookers the couple were merely hosting a formal dinner for a visiting diplomat. While the couple are both loyal devotees of the Jewish practice of Kabballah, sources said the short ceremony was traditional."

I'm positive these two are delightful and will live in bliss forever, but it's undeniably creepy that Moore is 42 and Ashton is 27. And since Ashton is none too bright, this feels more like some sort of sexual assault followed by the Stockholm Syndrome than two soul mates finding one another. And I'm sorry, but I just think that's wrong, since I believe that sexual assault is only justified in cases of self defense.