Infamous Hollywood bachelor George Clooney has a new girlfriend just three months after he and Lisa Snowdon split. He and an Italian heiress named Gianna Elvira Cantatore met through some mutual friends, and the day after their first date Gianna sent George a bouquet of white daisies. Clooney's looks and bank account can't be the only reasons these women allow themselves to fall in love with a guy like him and I doubt he has any sort of magic techniques I haven't already learned from my vast collection of porn. He's happy to tell anyone who'll listen that he refuses to get married ever again, but women continue to set themselves up for heartache. All of you guys out there who are having a hard time scoring chicks may want to use George's pick-up line which is something like, "I'm going to hump you and dump you." Keep in mind that it's a line which is best used while you're wearing a tuxedo and clutching the original scripts from your year as a co-star on The Facts of Life because it works on me every time.

The great Radar Online says that "West Coast paparazzi have been on high alert since Britney Spears gave birth last week." In response, Spears has taken extraordinary steps ... so she can sell the baby pics herself.

Britney's hired several look-alikes to pose as her and she's reactivated her entire security team that she used back when she was on tour ... most of the precautions are to keep the paparazzi from getting any photos of the kid."

Radar says that this "doesn't mean (you wont see) the newborn in the checkout line soon." (Spears) has been approached by all the major tabloids bearing competing offers for a first look. Sources say that OK! magazine has promised her $2 million for an exclusive cover shoot. As for dear old dad? "Kevin gets 50 percent of all that money. Tabloid money is the only real money he ever makes," says the source. Of course, if the paparazzi get there first, any windfall the couple has in mind would decrease significantly. In other words, "Britney has to keep Preston under wraps if she wants the big bucks!"

Keep in mind, just last year her net worth was valued at 32 million, but since she pissed away a lot of that since then, her child is now a commodity to be exploited. With none of that money going to the baby of course. I haven't bought that much baby furniture, but I bet the low profile stuff with extra sharp corners is probably pretty cheap. Especially if you buy it used, since it will be covered in blood. But its not all pointy jabby traps in the room, oh no, there's also a 4 dollar Dora the Explorer blow up chair. That she bought. For a boy. Awesome. The kid was going to grow up to be a cop killer anyway, now he's going to be a cop killer in drag, so that'll at least be entertaining. For everyone but the cop.




Source and more: Radar Online

Being the toughest spoiled Hollywood anorexic is like being the tallest midget, and it makes this the lamest "gang" feud of all time. The New York Daily News takes us back to Tuesday night in Hollywood, at the Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party, where "rival" gang leaders Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff divided guests into two factions on opposite sides of the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel pool, then exchanged ominous glares all night long, apparently still carrying a grudge over their long-ago misguided rivalry for the affections of Aaron Carter.

On Lohan's side: Kirsten Dunst, Nicole Richie, and DJ AM. On Team Duff: Kimberly Stewart, Joel Madden, Haylie Duff, Wilmer Valderrama, Greek shipping heir (and Mary-Kate Olsen boy toy) Stavros Niarchos and the "Laguna Beach" kids. An eyewitness reports:

"There was a lot of tension, a lot of evil looks. Nobody went into the other's territory."

I just thank god that everyone kept their cool and made it home alive. On a powder keg like that, glaring can turn to frowning or even scowling in a heartbeat, and then who would we have to make crappy Disney products? These people have lived desperate lives and they know the law of the jungle: when you dip your toe into the pool at the Roosevelt, two may enter, but only one will survive.

I don't know what "Peace One Day" is, but based on my insider knowledge of Hollywood, it involves drum circles and calling Bush racist. And Angelina Jolie was there last night, accompanied by her ex-husband, her giant head and a shade of lipstick you normally only see on the base of a mans penis(*). I know Angelina has been this skinny for a while now, but it's weird to see, especially when you consider that pictures always make you look heavier than you really are. But even with that, 1 out of 1 penisses that I have still recommend sex with her.




(*)before anyone freaks out, yes, that penis line is stolen word for word from Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, a book that might be the greatest thing ever written, except for maybe Invisible Monsters by Palahniuk or Reasons to Live by Amy Hempell.

Newsday is reporting that

fans booed Madonna and Guy Ritchie at the London premiere of his new movie Revolver on Tuesday after the couple walked past the crowd without signing autographs. The movie's star, Jason Statham, spent nearly an hour signing autographs in Leicester Square, but Madonna and Ritchie had only brief contact with the crowd of some 2,000 fans."

I'm more like Statham when I walk the red carpet. My ribald antics have made me a crowd favorite and I like to interact with the fans, which is one reason I always wear something slinky, both for the ladies and the fellas. I'm not saying those guys are gay, but they're sexual creatures and they appreciate a handsome man.

Lindsay Lohan does get credit for dying her hair back to red, as seen here at the Premiere Movie Awards last night, but she's living in a fantasy world if she thinks that's an excuse to wear this shapeless bundle of fabric she's got on here. When someone is that pale and freckled and red, and you wear some sort of metal chain mail thing around your neck, the nicest thing someone can say is that you look like one of the Thundercats, and that's probably not the most flattering thing in the world.

Page Six is reporting that Teri Hatcher was - once again - less then warm with her Desperate Housewives castmates at the Emmys Sunday night, especially after losing Best Comedic Actress to castmate Felicity Huffman. Says the New York Post:

Felicity wanted a picture with all of her co-stars," said our spy, "and everyone [Eva Longoria, Nicolette Sheridan and Marcia Cross] took a picture with her but Teri, who refused."

We have a saying down south, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I'll beat your ass". My point (and Kurt Vonneguts in the book Mother Night) is that we are what we do every day. You're defined by your actions, despite how wonderful you may think you are. Maybe she doesn't wear coats made from puppy, but no one is a dickhead all the time. Like if a guy were to say "But I only kill when the moon is full", well, that's good enough. You hear these bitch rumors about Teri Hatcher all the time. Everyone in the cast seems to get along with one another except Hatcher. So, either everyone else in Hollywood had meetings in a volcano fortress and devised this finely honed and coordinated plot to make Hatcher look like a bitch, or she's just kind of a bitch.





Wow, and I never even got to her gargoyle features or the absurdity of her being nominated as a Comedic Actress. Yikes.

Paris Hilton recently bragged to US magazine that she and her family had donated 6 million dollars to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

It's important for people to realize (that they) have nothing ... we're glad to do our part."

And according to Radar Online, "Some US staffers were skeptical about the boast - as were Hilton's own handlers, who sources say warned her about repeating the sketchy-sounding claim. 'She just flat-out lied,' griped one incredulous reporter. "Did she think no one would bother to check?'"

In reality, a 6 million dollar donation was made through the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, a charitable trust set up by the Hilton family patriarch in 1944, back when kids in knickers played that game where they run with a hoop and a stick, and never in a million years did he imagine that any blood of his would turn his name into the punch line of every slut joke told in the next milenium.

Needless to say, Paris has no affiliation with the trust. She sits on no board, she has no access to the funding and has no say in when or where funds are distributed. And, more to the point, the donation didn't cost her a dime. That 6 million didn't come from her bankroll. So, Paris may do something that helps the Gulf Coast, but only incidentally. In a Butterfly Effect kind of way. Like if she swallows some guys semen, and then they guy has to go to a doctor for the burning and then the doctor has a breakthrough in treating dysentery. So, in that sense, if Paris can help by having a guy pee on her or write their initials on her back, she's more the willing to help.



Source and more: Radar Online