Leave it to Papa Joe to interrupt what was a much needed Thanksgiving break to finally allow his daughter's handlers to officially state the obvious.

LOS ANGELES - After months of rumors, denials and salacious magazine covers, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are officially calling it quits. The couple jointly announced their separation Wednesday, their publicists Meredith O'Sullivan and Rob Shooter confirmed. "After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," Simpson and Lachey said in an official statement. "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time." The couple wed in October 2002 and went on to star in their own reality show, "Newlyweds," on MTV. The show made them A-list celebrities. Following Simpson's role in 2004's "The Dukes of Hazzard," tabloid magazines began reporting trouble in the marriage. Us Weekly first reported the couple's split in its Oct. 17 issue."

Be free, Nick. Be ever thankful for birth control. Papa Joe now sits back, wrings his hands and cackles maniacally, for he is again the sole owner of his eldest "Mini Me".

See also:
E! Online
MTV.com
ABC News
People Magazine
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Related entries:
Nick and Jessica are Finally Done
Nick and Jessica are Several Miles Apart
Jessica Simpson Needs a New Manager

Hollywood.com reported Sunday that Nick Lachey was seen in Miami Beach partying with several not-Jessicas at Nobu Saturday night. These pictures of Nick show him partying during the day on Saturday with several not-Jessicas in Miami Beach. The pictures below those are of Jessica in Los Angeles on Saturday when she was shopping, of course. Is it safe to assume that Jessica didn't even notice Nick left town? Yes. Is it because she's dumb or she doesn't care? Both. Did Nick get laid in Miami Beach? You'll know when I know. What is he drinking? Something with whiskey, I think. Why do people always quote Nietzsche when they want to sound smart? Good question.

Kirsten Dunst hasn't been getting drunk well enough on her own, so she did what any aspiring alcoholic would do and found a professional drinking partner named Tara Reid.

Kirsten Dunst has been dubbed "Kirsten Drunkst" after her drinking habits have reportedly spun out of control. Pals of the Spider-Man beauty are said to be concerned the star is partying excessively and believe her new found friendship with notorious Hollywood party girl Tara Reid is partly to blame. Dunst and Reid arrived together at club promoter Brent Bolthouse's recent party at top Los Angeles nightclub Privilege, and were seen knocking back drinks until the early hours, according to the New York Post."

Their use of the word "beauty" was obviously a politically correct way of saying "spindly, self righteous spawn of Gollum", or Dunst hacked the editor's computer and added "beauty" where that should have been. The saddest part about these pictures of her taken this weekend is she was very likely sober when she dressed herself, and so was the stylist who stuck those ratty extensions on her head. Oh, but just you wait. She'll be drunk soon and the first thing to go will be that thrift store clearance sale bra, and ... vomit bags are located in front of you and emergency exits are located at either end of the cabin.


Thanks to Casey for the link.

Related entries:
Kirsten Dunst is still hateable. And drunk.
Kirsten Dunst is a wicked lush

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Angelina Jolie was walking through Los Angeles International Airport when she had what witnesses describe as a "dizzy spell" and it took her several minutes to recover.

An onlooker revealed: "Angelina looked as cool as ever in her shades and matching black top and trousers. She was with a couple of friends and was being escorted through to the departure lounge. Seconds later, she seemed unsteady on her feet and had to sit down. It was all very sudden." The source is quoted by Britain's Daily Star newspaper as adding: "Luckily, after a few minutes, she seemed just fine again." Angelina recently sparked fears after shedding kilograms and appearing in public slimmer than usual. A source close to the star added: "Since the airport incident people are really worried about her health."

Angelina hasn't been looking like her usual healthy, enviable, lickable self lately. The pictures below are from four days ago and she's a little gaunt and pasty. Note to self: Send Angelina Jolie a letter confirming her current diet of air and Brad Pitt juice is working well, encourage her to continue it and sign the letter "Dr. Jenny". Then camp out in LAX and hope next time this happens she faints and requires mouth to mouth. I'll be there in my sexy nurse's uniform I bought at the adult themed costume shop and as our lips meet and I'm beginning to revive her, she starts to kiss me. Then those demons from Hellraiser show up, rip my skin off and send me to Hell. Dammit! That happens every time. I gotta stop drinking so much caffeine before I daydream.

Christina Aguilera is now a married woman. She exchanged vows with Jordan Bratman on Saturday in what most people are describing as a surprisingly tasteful and elegant ceremony considering the bride was "Xtina".

Aguilera wore a Christian Lacroix gown, and the pair exchanged wedding bands designed by London jeweller Stephen Webster, who also styled Aguilera's engagement ring. Meanwhile, the three bridesmaids wore dresses designed by Stevie Wonder's's wife Kai Milla. Sources at the wedding claim Aguilera walked down the aisle with her hair decorated with jewels and white flowers, in front of 130 guests, which included family and celebrity friends including Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz and the singer's longtime manager Irving Azoff, who initially introduced the couple.

Christina has a great sense of humor for having invited Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz to this antithesis of the Spears/Federline "Pimps and Maids" ceremony. It would have been even funnier if Christina made sure Diaz caught the bouquet, and then Christina punched Cameron in the mouth because Cameron is so punchable. Most people seem to have the opinion that Jordan Bratman is not the most attractive guy in the world. When I see Christina and Jordan I'm always reminded of my friend, Rachel, who says, "I make it a point to only date ugly guys because they try harder." I'm guessing Jordan tries pretty hard and also did a pretty good job on their wedding night as evidenced in these pictures from the day after the wedding.




There are no photos of the ceremony online yet, and as I reported last month, Christina and Jordan sold the exclusive rights to their wedding photos to People magazine.

Update: The pictures are in OK magazine and I'll post those scans when decent ones are available.

Here are more pictures from the New York leg of the Brit and KFed "Look, We're Still Married Tour 2005". Star Magazine conducted a poll of its readers recently and the results prove not only do Star readers have common sense, but they took what was left behind when Britney was born without it. The results were as follows:

65% of the readers say Britney should divorce Kevin.
Only 28% of them think the couple should try marriage counseling.
91% think KFed is bad for Britney's image.
Only 20% think Kevin really loves his wife.
98% agreed with Federline's ex, Shar Jackson who believes the dancer is "like a leopard who will never change his spots".

100% of me thinks Spears and Federline are functionally retarded when it comes to dressing themselves. These two go out of their way to find the dumbest and ugliest clothes and are oblivious enough to wear them with confidence in public. Pigs coat themselves in mud and feces and they still look better than these two on their best day. Come to think of it, pigs can be quite charming especially in comparision to Federline. The results of this poll would have been more favorable of the marriage had Britney married an actual pig rather than Kevin who is a considerably less intelligent barnyard animal.

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