Sienna Miller's dad, Ed Miller, mentioned during a recent interview that if Jude Law cheated on his daughter again, he'd kill Jude. He said,

He did a lot of hard work, trying to figure out who he was. And I told him if he did anything like that again I'd kill him."

I don't know about Sienna, but I'd feel really secure in my relationship knowing the only reason my fiance is faithful is because he doesn't want my father to murder him. And you know Jude wants to cheat on her every day. He's probably a little nervous since most of his hair is tangled in the shower drain and he wants to sow his wild oats before he has George Costanza's hairline. Plus, I don't see how he couldn't be embarrassed going out in public with this girl. I swear her stylist is a retired rodeo clown with cataracts in both eyes and an affinity for the absurd.


Source: Bang Media

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Ladies, can we go ahead and let this boots over the pants trend die now? You're all wearing them, as are the fashion victims who dress like you. You finally got the hint with the Ugg boots. Well, almost everyone. Jessica Simpson still wears them, but she's about as dumb and pointless as a broken screen door, so I wouldn't count on her to catch on too quickly. My point is, this look is just as unflattering as those Uggs and almost as stupid. You're not motorcycle cops, clam diggers, cowgirls, shit shovelers or storm chasers. So just stop now before it morphs into the 1980's look with the leg warmers over the stirrup pants and the white pumps. That's my look, and you can't have it.

When I was a kid, the boys in the neighborhood would stick baseball cards (or Garbage Pail Kid cards) in the spokes of their bicycles to soup them up so they'd be noisy. I did the same thing with my bike. It's fun to customize cars too, but it's downright disrespectful and cruel to do what Kevin Federline did to this poor Ferrari. I may not fit the stereotype, but I'm a tomboy at heart. I'd rather work on the '69 Camaro RS which is sitting in the garage with its original Hugger Orange paint and waiting for an engine than go to the mall to try on clothes and listen to skinny girls call themselves fat for hours on end. Changing the brake calipers to read "Federline" instead of "Ferrari" is proof that Kevin is the antithesis of the Midas touch. He turns everything he gets his grimy hands on into steaming piles of crap. And, yeah, you read it right. The back of Kevin's shirt says, "Holla @ Yo Damn Self" which in English translates to "I'm Totally Retarded".

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During a recent interview with Playboy magazine, Kate Beckinsale said she and her husband have long distance cyber sex via webcam. She also says she gained weight for the movie Click, and her husband enjoyed the new and improved bigger butt, bigger boobs Beckinsale.

It was Len's idea and he set them up. He tells me what to wear each evening. It really helps our relationship. There's no way we are keeping it clean. That's the whole point. It's just like when you get a photocopier and you just have to do one of your bum. It's just one of those rules of life."

See, these are people most of us like picturing doing cam shows. Now, the thought of Star Jones and Al Reynolds doing this is not so titillating. Star would do the sitting while Al did the dancing. She'd tell him to put on his Funny Girl wig and dress. Then would tell him to twirl around and sing Don't Rain on My Parade while she dipped her "Payless" shoes in butter and licked them off, and all the while saying what? Help me out, people ... Right. "Al, you're just like buttah." Okay, yeah, see that's not so hot.

Anyway, here are some pictures of Beckinsale to help clear your mind. I know they're a year old, but you'll get over it.


Source: BANG

The new issue of In Touch Weekly is helping stick Kevin Federline's Air Jordan covered foot deeper in his mouth by publishing some statements he made to a reporter while he was partying in Vegas recently.

Partying with pals in Las Vegas during the week of Britney's 24th birthday, Kevin told a reporter that he has already consulted his lawyers and would demand a "$125 million" settlement if the marriage was to end. "I don't like lawyers," the aspiring rapper said as he was leaving the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino on December 3. "But in this situation, I have to get protection." Kevin's even told friends that he's been advised that the prenuptial agreement he signed is "not worth the paper it is written on."

Kevin (or "Federdouche" as many like to call him) doesn't like lawyers in the same way that criminals don't like cops. Most of the time you're running from them and calling them "pigs" because you've done something wrong, but when you need them to save your ass, they're your best friends. It's sorta like having "baby mamas" (a.k.a. Shar and Britney) everywhere. Most of the time, you're running from them and calling them "bitches", but when you need them to pay for your cornrows and fresh set of wife beaters, they're your favorite bitches. If we're lucky, maybe we'll get to point and laugh if Kevin goes to prison and is someone else's "favorite bitch", but that would be too funny, and I might die laughing, and I'm not ready to die just yet.

Note: I'm not saying Kevin has done anything warranting a prison term, unless being a total dirtbag is a felony.

The ugly custody battle over Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin's 10 year old daughter, Ireland, is still fuming. Baldwin brought Basinger back to court after he claimed she violated a custody order during the summer. Recent court documents reveal he alleges Basinger is bribing their daughter with chocolate bars which have "manipulative messages" written on the wrappers.

One example, which Baldwin has included in his legal suit as Exhibit C, reads: "To my daughter Ireland, who gave me the strength, courage and tenacity to stand up for myself... Mom." Baldwin claims, "The false message she continues to send our daughter is that she needs protection from her father."

Alec is likely reading too much into these messages. You really need to be careful with stuff like that. At an office Christmas party one year, my boss gave me a chocolate bar with a little card on it which read, "There's more where this came from, honey. Cum to my office." Hoping for a raise, I went into his office after work wearing nothing but my bra and underwear. It turns out he'd bought hundreds of those candy bars from a fund raiser at his daughter's school so she'd win the grand prize, and he was giving them away to anyone who wanted them. He always got me mixed up with another girl in the office whose name was Honey. And he was a really bad speller.


Source: WENN

Several sources are reporting that Britney Spears decided to reconcile with Federline and let him move back in the house. According to witnesses, and these pictures below taken a couple days ago, she also gave him back his Ferrari she had towed away. That'll teach him, Brit. Way to go. I wasn't sure who was dumber out of these two, but at this point Federline is coming out smelling like a rocket scientist. A racially confused, functionally retarded rocket scientist.

Oh, and uh, if you're bored feel free to head over to DivorceKevin.com where Britney's devoted fans have set up a petition to get Britney to dump the Federline. Sorry, people. Once you go jobless, gold digging, slob with a pregnant girlfriend, you never go back.


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