Britney Spears is apparently furious when her husband Kevin Federline makes fun of her weight. Federline reportedly makes pig noises when she eats and laughs hysterically when he hears her thighs rubbing together.

Wow, what a catch. Even with his busy schedule as a full-time wigger and his hobby of pretending not to have kids, he still manages to find time to go out of his way to be a thankless ass to the one person in the world that cares about him. I would never condone domestic violence, but the next time Federline wakes up it should be in a burning bed.


Source: Entertainmentwise

Jessica Simpson is reportedly desperate to start dating again but is worried about what the public/tabloids might say. As you might have guessed, her father/manager/pimp, Joe Simpson, has "encouraged" his daughter to wait until Nick Lachey is seen with another woman until she decides to publicly date someone. A source tells Life & Style magazine:

He's afraid her fans will think she doesn't give a damn about the split if she's suddenly kissing some guy."

Listen Joe, Jessica is not waiting in the princess tower with bluebirds flying around her head waiting for a knight on a white horse. She's already been bent over a chair by Bam Magera and Adam Levine, so keeping her locked up isn't going to help her image. If I was Nick Lachey, I would just stay in my house naked and sneak girls in just for spite. And after three years of banging plastic in the missionary position, Lachey is probably ready to finally use his safe word.

Nick at the SAG Awards:


Jessica on January 21st:

Your eyes are not fooling you. That is Britney Spears in a public bathroom in Las Vegas earlier this month. There's no word on whether or not she was wearing shoes, but I think it's safe to assume her Barney Rubble feet were bare. When I was at Victoria's Secret and laughed at that sheer purple thing while asking out loud, "Who would wear that ugly ass thing?" I wasn't in the bathing suit cover-up section. I was in the lingerie section. Because that's where lingerie is kept. The bathing suit also looks a hell of a lot more like underwear you find in the juniors section than a bathing suit, but whatever. The point is, Britney Spears took three things which were meant to look sexy and, yet again, made them look hideous. 1. A bikini, 2. Lingerie, and 3. A pop star. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash the greasy residue off my computer screen which got there courtesy of Brit's hair and face.


Note: No, these are not Photoshopped. They were taken by a fan at a Las Vegas hotel. See this MSNBC article which covered their visit, and more pictures here and here from the same visit.

The Sun UK is reporting that Carmen Electra is attracted to model Kate Moss and would love to meet her in person. Carmen tells Loaded magazine:

I fancy Kate Moss. She has the best style. People need to give her a break. I'd love to meet her. You can't deny her beauty and her sexuality.

Carmen also claims that women constantly flirt with her and try to get her in bed. She added:

I get a lot of women trying to pick me up and women can be more attractive than men. I like that, I love girls.

If Kate Moss was dressed in a schoolgirl outfit, most guys would have a hard time trying to figure out if they should give the little girl a lollipop or ask the little boy why he is dressed like that. So I'm not sure if Dave Navarro thinks this is a good idea. However, if a threesome were to happen and Navarro can talk his penis into sex with Kate Moss after years of banging away on Carmen Electra, he deserves some sort of award. But not the same pretigious award you get when you have sex with Star Jones. That rare combination of self-loathing and courage is not found in most humans.

It's hard to make fun of Lisa Loeb. I've always liked that Stay song and had a few pairs of glasses which were inspired by hers. If you're going to be a "One Hit Wonder" (with a new reality show), you're better off with a song like hers than some garbage like Macarena. Still, it'll never match up to the greatness that is PopoZao, but I sense nothing ever will. At least K-Fed can't say he strutted in front of total-perv Isaac Mizrahi in thong underwear. Well, not yet, anyway. *crossing my fingers*

• Hayden and Sienna's morning after [Just Jared]
  
• Duh, um, er, uh what the funk?! [Hollywood Rag]
• Cindyyy ... Cindy Crawford [Hollywood Tuna]
• Steamy Sundance [City Rag]
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Sophia Bush are flirting [Egotastic]
• Kate Beckinsale is scared [A Socialite's Life]
• Someone should have pushed Paris Hilton [D Listed]
• Kate Beckinsale's Giant and GQ 2006 spreads [Gorilla Mask]
• Scarlett Johansson SNL (video) [Smit Happens]
• Kate Moss goes to police [Popsugar]
  
• Best Week Ever's bigger and badder blog [Best Week Ever]
• "The movie you need is ..." [Pajiba]
  

The National Enquirer is reporting that saggy skank Kirsten Dunst was mistaken for a stripper that works at the famed Body Shop while waiting for her limo outside of the Chateau Marmont Hotel on Sunset Boulevard. A man slinked up beside Dunst and whispered, "I'll pay you $500 if you let me squirt whipped cream on your body and let me lick it off." Offended, Dunst screamed, "Gross!", and turned and walked away. The man following behind her and said, "Wait. What's the matter? I come to watch you dance every weekend!" To which Kirsten replied,"Wrong girl, guy!" then she sped off in her limo.

I'm not a doctor so I don't quite know the state of this man's mental health, but I can only assume he talked to Kirsten just before he drank his own urine and told a phone book to repent, for the time of purification was at hand. Because mistaking the shockingly ugly Kirsten Dunst for a stripper is something that probably could not be explained by science. Strippers are supposed to give you a hard-on, not make you want to cut off your penis and throw it in a field.

Lindsay Lohan was reportedly rushed to a London hospital to receive teatment on her leg. She was admitted to the hospital Friday afternoon and received ten stitches in her shin after she slipped on a set of stairs at singer/photographer Bryan Adams' $5 million mansion. Lindsay was released later that day.

She and her friends were preparing breakfast, with eggs and everything, and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup," Dina explains to Star. "She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs since it was slippery. The teacup went flying, it was shattered, and one of the pieces cut Lindsay in her shin. It was an accident."

Lindsay Lohan was obviously doing coke so I won't bother you with that, mostly because I'm trying to figure out how Bryan Adams managed to get a bunch of underage girls at his house. And not just for a quick visit to have tea, but to stay long enough to need to take showers and make breakfast. I have never listened to Bryan Adams, but I may need go to the library and find a copy of Summer of '69. You know, for research.

Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto on the set of Chapter 27: