The Sun UK says Angelina Jolie is reportedly expecting twins with Brad Pitt. The couple confirmed last week that the star was pregnant. This comes on the heels of the announcement that a Los Angeles judge has granted Jolie's request to legally change the surname of her adopted children to Jolie-Pitt. According to The Sun, a source said:

Angelina is overjoyed. Getting pregnant with one of Brad's children would have been God's precious gift to her. Now we believe she is carrying twins, Angie is in seventh heaven."

Man, what a year it has been for Brad: bang an Oscar-winning actress, travel around the world, have four kids. I may be wrong about this, but stuff like that only happens when you rub a magic lamp. Not many people can honestly say that their next family portrait could be mistaken for a United Colors of Benetton ad, but the Pitt's are focused on the results: the lives they change and the communities they shape ... and making more beautiful people who will make other people look ugly. Consider it a community service. No uglies, dammit!

Note: Jenny isn't just a supermodel genius who attends court-ordered "sex machine anonymous" meetings, she can also predict the future my friends.

The Jolie-Pitts landing in Florida on January 14th:

• American Idol's super tan girl [Just Jared]
• K-Fed's album cover [Hollywood Rag]
• Madonna's Mean [A Socialite's Life]
  
• No, George. No, no, no. [Popsugar]
• Ginger Kid confusion [City Rag]
• Reese Witherspoon hates Chanel [Egotastic]
• Posh Spice: Still skinny and leathery [Hollywood Tuna]
• Brad Pitt: UN Ambassador [D Listed]
• Jordan's (Katie Price) official 2006 calendar [Gorilla Mask]
• Chuck Norris on the Tony Danza Show [College Humor]
  

Try not to be too jealous, but Kevin Federline is one of my "friends" on MySpace. As of today, he only has 20,426 friends, so it's not like he gives them out to just anyone. Since I'm so tight with K-Fed, I'd like to inform all y'all that homeboy isn't down with people callin' him "K-Fed". SOHH.com's interview with K-Fed was cut short recently when they disrespected my homie.

On Thursday (January 12), SOHH.com briefly interviewed Federline about "PopoZao," his debut single, and forthcoming untitled album. After the interviewer called Federline "K-Fed" several times, the Fresno, California native had apparently had enough. "I don't like K-Fed," said Federline when asked what artists he didn't like. "Why don't you like K-Fed?" replied the SOHH.com interviewer. Federline's response... a telephone dial tone."

You showed them, K-Fed. Let it be known K-Fed ain't got no time for sass. I'm sure Jay-Z, Ice Cube and Ghostface Killah are trembling in their Timberlands now that a dude with a name as hard core as "Kevin Federline" is about to take the rap world by storm. Off topic, I'd really like to know how K-Fed still manages to get Little K-Fed to inflate when Mrs. K-Fed is turning into this bloated puss-ball we see below from her trip to Las Vegas earlier this month. I'd say Little K-Fed is more talented than Big Douche K-Fed, but what I really mean is Little K-Fed is less untalented and slightly less smelly.

Photographers snapped Baptist, Kabbalist, Tackiest Fashion Victimist Britney Spears on a recent trip to a Hindu temple in Malibu. She was hooking up young Sean Preston Federline with some sort of "blessing" for some reason. I don't think Britney's smart enough to ask these people to help chase off the inevitable demons who will haunt him his entire life since he's the product of trash and crap. I think she was so high from Starbucks, Ding Dongs and Bubble Yum she thought the sign on the door read "Tattoo" rather than "Hindu". That snack combo can make you nutty. So much so that it'll drive you to temporarily tattoo a gunshot wound on your forehead. Gawd, she's such a tease.


Related entries:
Hollywood is Chock Full of Imperfections
K-Fed Will Hang Up on Yo' Ass
Kevin Federline is Official

"American Idol" winner Kelly Clarkson, subject to a scolding from Simon Cowell for not letting her songs be used by new contestants on the show, has agreed to do so, a spokesman said Wednesday. A day earlier, he said Clarkson was not allowing any of her songs to be licensed for other purposes. He said on Wednesday that he had not been informed by her management that negotiations were under way, and that Clarkson would allow it on a "case-by-case basis." That was also a day after "American Idol" judge Cowell sharply criticized her.

I think that by ignoring the show you're ignoring the audience who put you there," Cowell said Tuesday.

Are you fuckin' kidding me? So it's okay that you won by singing Aretha Franklin songs, but now that you are a big star, you would never condescend to let your music(?) be used on the show. Instead of going through all this trouble, why not just run on stage during the show and take a dump right on the 'America Idol' logo. You would get the same effect. How about more time on a treadmill and less time assuming the whole world really cares about the musical legacy of a 'Star Search' contestant. I think it's cool that you were just a girl from Texas with hopes and a dream, but I shouldn't need fly DNA just to carry your lumpy ass up a flight of stairs. I swear, I've seen better bodies on hobbits.

Note: If you feel like punching me, turn that aggression into something positive. Go here.

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers wants Teri Hatcher to give him sex lessons. The actor admits he has a crush on the actress, who plays hapless single mom Susanne Mayer in Desperate Housewives, and thinks she would sizzle between the sheets. When quizzed about his favorite pin-up, the star replied:

Teri Hatcher is my favorite 'Desperate Housewife'. She's just sex on legs. She's an older woman I imagine could teach me a few things."

The fact that this guy has been in thirty two movies and I haven't seen one of them, doesn't change the fact that he should own a computer. Because at this point, he needs to download some porn and tell his friends to guard the door. This is the second time in a week he has either emabarassed himself or practically begged for sex. Even his choices seem a bit random. I'm not saying that Teri Hatcher looks worse that Scarlett Johansson, but if this was 1995 and we were talking about Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, my pants would already be down and I wouldn't be trying to funnel this whole bottle of tequila.

Scarlett Johansson's mother has reprimanded her for revealing too much cleavage at the Golden Globe awards - saying she went too far by showing off her ample breasts. A friend of Scarlett's family is quoted in Britain's Daily Express newspaper as saying:

She said she looked like a member of the 'Baywatch' cast. Mel feels Scarlett tried a little too hard to show off her figure - to the point where she was almost bursting out of her dress."

Wow. Scarlett's mother and I think a lot alike. Because I was just imagining Scarlett's massive rack in a bikini then eventually in Playboy. Then I imagined Scarlett, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Catherine Bell in the back of my van. We could go back and forth all day about how my couch and I got them in the van, that's really not the issue here and you need to mind your own business. But I can't figure out why they freaked out about the lotion. All I asked them to do was rub it on their skin. It was light and nourishing and made from soothing lavender for overnight renewal. Man, chicks can be so moody sometimes. What's up with that?

Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab. Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress was too drunk to notice that she pissed on herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party in Maui. The understandably disgusted cab driver claimes he mopped up the mess with a towel and plans to use Hilton's own DNA as evidence against her.

When a cab driver suddenly becomes a CSI just because you pissed in his back seat, you should realize that the hatred that the world holds for you knows no bounds and is capable of some pretty amazing stuff. Since I am a gentle teddy bear who loves cuddle time, I would never hit a woman no matter how much she looked like a man. So, if any of you ladies see Paris passed out in the street, put on those latex gloves and take a swing. Since there might be cab drivers around, try not to leave any evidence. The secret? Aim for the top of the head. No bruises.

Hilton in L.A. on January 13th: