Keira Knightley celebrated her 21st birthday last night in London with a 1920s themed party. She came dressed as a flapper and partied the night away with Johnny Depp, ex-boyfriend, Jamie Dornan, and current boyfriend, Rupert Friend. Although animal masks were big at 1920's parties, I wish flappers were a bit more progressive back then, and didn't feel the need to wear panties. Fully clothed girls in pig masks really aren't my taste, but I'm positive this would taste just fine.
Melanie, why are you mad at the paparazzi? Shouldn't you be flattered they still want to shoot pictures of you? Granted, this was probably a slow day and the guy had some extra film to burn, but at least you got some attention. The last time I checked IMDb ... strike that ... the only time I checked IMDb to see what the hell you were doing was today, and all I got was Have Mercy. I know nothing about it other than it's directed by Kathy Bates and it's a drama. With those collagen balloons below your nose, I can only assume you've been cast as a duck or a trout. I hope it's a duck drama. There aren't enough dramas starring ducks nowadays. I'll go see it, but if Kathy Bates casts herself as "The Naked Duck" and joins you in the hot tub, I'm sending you the bill for a refund, my feathered friend.
Colin Farrell and Kate Moss are rumored to be secretly dating. They reportedly have been friends for a while, but suddenly their friendship is developing into a full-fledged romance, albeit over the phone because Colin Farrell is in the U.S. filming Pride and Glory and Kate is in the U.K. An insider tells In Touch magazine:
Since they're both working on their sobriety, they completely understand the struggle. Plus, they both happen to be very attracted to one another."
Obviously this is a lie and Colin Farrell is still on drugs, because Kate Moss is a fugly mess. Who has no body. Who's had this guy's penis inside her. And this girl's vagina rub on her. Clearly this is a mistake. Like the time my teacher told me, "Come on, it's only gay if you're on the bottom." That really wasn't true at all. In hindsight, I think he was just saying that.
TMZ reports that Randy Quaid has filed a lawsuit against the producers of Brokeback Mountain claiming they falsely represented the film as a "a low-budget, art house film," and the movie had "no prospect of making any money." Brokeback Mountain has grossed $160 million worldwide. Quaid claims when he met with Ang Lee in 2004, he was offered the role of Joe Aguirre and the director told him, "We can't pay anything, we have very little money, everyone is making a sacrifice to make this film." Quaid is suing for $10 million plus punitive damages because he was victim of "a 'movie laundering' scheme designed to obtain the services of talent such as Randy Quaid on economically unfavorable art film terms..."
Okay, so say you're a producer and you get a pitch about a forbidden love between two gay cowboys in 1963. They also happen to have sex in a tent. They also want to cast a closeted homosexual actor, two B-list actresses, and hire the man who made Hulk to direct. Do you even let them finish talking before you start masturbating and signing that blank check? Really, why wouldn't Randy Quaid sue? It was obvious to everybody involved that this was going to be the next Titanic. Or better yet, Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure.
Randy Quaid wore this to the premiere of Monster in Law:
"Jake Gyllenhaal bumps into a friend March 21st in Beverly Hills":
If you're anywhere near New York this April, you can make a pit stop at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district to see this ridiculous "Pro-Life monument to birth" which is supposed to be the likeness of Britney Spears.
Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," believed Pro-Life's first monument to the 'act of giving birth,' is purportedly an idealized depiction of Britney in delivery. Natural aspects of Spears' pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head. The monument also acknowledges the pop-diva's pin-up past by showing Spears seductively posed on all fours atop a bearskin rug with back arched, pelvis thrust upward, as she clutches the bear's ears with 'water-retentive' hands."
First of all, Britney chose to avoid the whole going into labor, vaginal birth ordeal by scheduling a Cesarean Section prior to her due date because people told her childbirth hurt, and she didn't want it to hurt. So Sean P.'s birth looked nothing like this. She was strapped to a gurney with a sheet in front of her face, most of her body was numb and she was high on some super fantastic painkillers. Furthermore, Kevin Federline is a shining example of why abortion was invented. Like rat poison and roach motels, it's a necessary evil to avoid overpopulating the Earth with vermin. And if I had to choose between a house full of rats or a house full of K-Feds, I'd go with the rats. Rats and K-Fed both smell like dumpsters and shit all over everything, but rats are smart and have personality. "Personality goes a long way."
Thanks to Nate, Diane and Jennifer for the heads up!
According to new reports, it has been revealed that the press release detailing Isaac Hayes' decision to leave South Park was released, not by Hayes, but by fashion executive and fellow Scientologist, Christina "Kumi" Kimball, while Hayes was at home recuperating from a stroke that he suffered three months ago. Hayes had reportedly no intentions of leaving the show, because he enjoys the show and has a new wife and baby on the way, but members of Scientology took it upon themselves to take advantage of Hayes' condition and speak for him. However, days after this announcement, his character, Chef, was killed off in last night's episode.
Hayes did not participate in the episode but his lines were apparently patched together from previous recordings. Chef arrives after travelling the world with the Super Adventure Club and repeatedly tells the children he wants to "make sweet love" to them. The children take him to a psychiatrist and then a strip club, where he remembers his love for women and is cured. But he is brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club again - before falling off a bridge and being burned, stabbed and mauled by a lion and a grizzly bear.
At this point, is there any reason why anybody wouldn't want to become a Scientologist? Other than being addicted to crack or starring in a Jennifer Lopez movie, what other thing could you do that would ruin your career faster? Damn, Scientology's a helluva drug.
Here's Chef's "death" scene. Note that there was more to this. In the end, he goes on to live as a Darth Vader-ish version of himself, so he's not quite dead yet.
Keira Knightley celebrated her 21st birthday last night in London with a 1920s themed party. She came dressed as a flapper and partied the night away with Johnny Depp, ex-boyfriend, Jamie Dornan, and current boyfriend, Rupert Friend. Although animal masks were big at 1920's parties, I wish flappers were a bit more progressive back then, and didn't feel the need to wear panties. Fully clothed girls in pig masks really aren't my taste, but I'm positive this would taste just fine.
