Us Weekly is reporting that American Idol producers were dangerously close to firing Paula Abdul due to her erratic behavior and wanted to offer her job to either Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears. Although producers never met with either of the potential replacements, insiders agree that Paula Abdul should not get too comfortable.

A source tells Us Weekly, "Paula was being very difficult. (She was) crying all the time and arriving late for meetings." The stress from the situation drove Abdul to seek medical attention, and she was treated for "exhaustion and dehydration."

Good thing, too, because Paula has been acting the damn fool on American Idol lately. Quite frankly, her behavior is so disturbing that I have been barely able to work on my nude portrait of Katharine McPhee. I laid down the tarp and I'm naked, but I can't seem to concentrate. Granted, it is hard to hold a paintbrush with your teeth.

Katherine McPhee on March 9th:


Paula Abdul March 22nd at Jennifer Nicholson Fall 2006:

• Vin Diesel is so gay [A Socialite's Life]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt leave Paris [Hollywood Rag]
• Remember Swan Brooner from HBO's 'Living Dolls'? [City Rag]
• Spoilers for next week's episode of Prison Break [Just Jared]
• Pink looks rather man-ish [Hollywood Tuna]
• Good lord. Check out Kellie Pickler's prom dress [D Listed]
• Lindsay Lohan as Wonder Woman? [Egotastic]
• Michael Douglas is ... furry [Popsugar]
• Celebrity butt cracks [Smit Happens]
• Saturday Night Live: "Spring Break Plans" [Daily Sixer]
• What you're missing if you're not on Spring Break [College Humor]
• I own the "Your Retarded" shirt [Busted Tees]
  

Hillbilly not-a-black guy, Kevin Federline, has donated his hair to Locks of Love, but not because he cares that children around the world have lost their hair due to painful chemotherapy treatments. K-Fed says he hopes his gift to an organization that makes wigs for children with cancer will help promote his new rap(?) album.

He supports the cause and hopes it will help promote his new album."

I sat here for ten minutes trying to figure out how donating hair to kids with cancer could help promote a rap album, but then again, we're talking about K-Fed. Maybe he believes that bong water, barbecue sauce and stripper glitter is the magical cure for cancer. Maybe he thinks more white kids should wear cornrows. Or, better yet, maybe he should be ripped apart by horses. Thanks for trying, but you're not going to convince me that K-Fed cries himself to sleep at night because complete strangers have no hair when he has three children of his own that he barely knows. If you ever see this jackass on the street, please remember one thing - blades don't need reloading.

These are a few months old, but he looks so stupid, they're going up again:

Kate Moss' ex-boyfriend and Babyshambles lead singer, Pete Doherty, snorted heroin minutes before an interview with Rolling Stone's Mark Binelli in a drug den in Hackney, England.

Over the next three hours, Doherty will also smoke crack, shoot heroin and take an 'ecstasy' pill," Binelli relates. "He does all of this casually, and openly, except for the shooting up, which he performs near the kitchenette, with his back to us. He offers me heroin and ecstasy but not crack. I decline. The more drugs Doherty does, the more he seems to relax. He never becomes incoherent, though occasionally he seems confused."

Dear God, man. Look, I'm addicted to girls with brown hair and big tits, but I wouldn't have sex with Catherine Bell during an interview for Rolling Stone. Especially if she didn't wear her bikini from her Stuff photoshoot. I might ask them if they could postpone the interview for like two minutes or something, though. And I would probably need a break every third question or so, but never during the interview. Come on Pete, try to show a little class.

Carmen Electra is refuting claims that her marriage to Dave Navarro is in trouble. Recent reports are stating the couple are "leading seperate lives" and on the verge of divorce due to their hectic work schedules. However, in a recent interview with Access Hollywood, Carmen went on the defense regarding the rumors of an impending split.

Everything is fine. Look, I'm wearing my ring. If there is something going I wouldn't wear it. There's no way I could run around town being fake. I'm a real person and we are doing just fine. We've been together for five years and there are going to be moments that are hard and we've had those. But he's my best friend. We get along so well and we are fine, we are together, we are happy, it's all good."

You have to feel sorry for Dave at this point, because everyone knows that Carmen Electra is "fun." That type of girl is good for a lot of things, but marriage is sadly not one of them. Being married to Carmen would be like having a panther for a pet. Sure, it may lick you and let you pet it whenever you want, but the chances of it mauling you or licking your best friend while you're on tour are pretty good, too.

Carmen on March 19th at the Ya Ya Fall 2006 fashion show:

• Mariah Carey always looks uncomfortable [Hollywood Tuna]
• Why Paula Abdul sounds drunk anf fertegup om meca ido [Hollywood Rag]
• Kylie Minogue gets ready for a comeback [Egotastic]
• America's Next Top Model is a hot mess [City Rag]
• Shakira's more fun to watch when the sound is off [Just Jared]
• Catching up with Gillian Anderson [A Socialite's Life]
• Nick Lachey's "revenge video" [Popsugar]
• Jordan's fantasy wedding [D Listed]
• Those that are fools, let them use their talents (She's the Man) [Pajiba]
  
• Britney Spears draws attention away from her gut in Vegas [TMZ]
• "Honey, I popped my collar." [College Humor]
• George Costanza whores the McDLT [Daily Sixer]

Gina Gershon has a guest starring role in the pilot for an ABC Fall prime-time soap called "Ugly Betty." When the producers of the show tried to get her to sign a contract yesterday without the benefit of a lawyer, Gina demanded she be allowed to keep a $650 pair of shoes she wears on the show. She held up production on the set of the show for over an hour while she argued with the producers.

It's a classic case of an actress letting her part go to her head," reports a Lowdown spy on the set. "The funny part is that they hired a dialect coach to make her sound Italian, and she was talking to the producers in the accent, saying that she couldn't sign the contract until her lawyer read the contract. Then she says she will not sign unless the contract is changed to let her keep her wardrobe, and Disney [ABC's parent company] has a strict policy saying actors don't get to keep their wardrobes.

This is understandable coming from ABC. Nobody watches about 98.8 percent of their shows, so they need to pinch pennies in order to keep Teri Hatcher's face paralyzed, Evangeline Lilly sweaty and maintain the stockpile of wigs for Jennifer Garner. But, come on, ABC. You finally have a super hot and talented chick like Gina Gershon to really spice up that channel, and you treat her like she's asking for one of your testicles. You know you'd give one up for a night with her though, ABC. It's not like those vapid prudes on The Bachelor are giving you any.

Thank you for not wearing a bra, Gina. Thank you so very much-a.


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Angelina Jolie is Number One

Pint-sized actress Eva Longoria claims that her boyfriend, Tony Parker, is more sophisticated than most American males and fellow NBA players due to his European upbringing. She states that most of them are only interested in "bling and hos". She claims that Frenchman Parker and his fellow teammates aren't into the groupie scene and flashy jewelry because most of them weren't born in America. Eva explains:

The Spurs are such straight arrows compared to the rest of the National Basketball Association (NBA). "Seven of the 13 Spurs are foreign, so they don't have that American thing of the bling and the cars and the MTV CRIBS and yes, the hos." He's [Tony's] way more worldly than anyone I've met in the States."

Quick fact on Tony Parker: He's 23 and has been in the NBA since he was 19. Meaning, he was a star long before he came to America and was a teenage superstar in France. As much as Eva Longoria would like to think that her "worldly" lover spent his days as a young lad in the French countryside reading poetry aloud while feeding his virgin sweetheart chocolate covered strawberries behind a silk blindfold; a more realistic scenario would be that Tony was banging girls and their mothers two at a time in exchange for his autograph. If you're a teenage millionaire in America for the first time, the stripper without the lower back tattoo is probably as sophisticated as you want to get.