• Jessica Simpson shouldn't be allowed to dress herself [Hollywood Rag]
• Katie Holmes is ready to lose her fake baby weight [A Socialite's Life]
• Will Smith: the Fresh Prince of Jerusalem [Just Jared]
• Heather Locklear ruins a see-through moment [Hollywood Tuna]
• Mini Kiss mania hits NYC [City Rag]
• Brad Pitt to the rescue! [D Listed]
  
• Janet Jackson keeps getting thinner [Egotastic]
• Nick Lachey says, "boo hoo" [Popsugar]
• Shakira in DT Magazine [Gorilla Mask]
• Here's one for all The Sopranos fans out there [College Humor]
• Jodie Marsh gallery (probably NSFW) [Daily Niner]
• Today Is the Longest Day of My Life (The Sentinel) [Pajiba]
  

I'm homeless, penniless and heterosexual, so I normally don't have the ability or desire to watch shows about pretty white people with problems. So it's a good thing that Amanda Righetti used to do softcore porn. Yeah, I didn't know who she was either. Her IMDb profile says she's on The O.C., Reunion and North Shore, but it also reminds us she was in a movie called Angel Blade. All experts would agree that the best way to judge a woman is by how naked she is willing to get. So based on that, Amanda Righetti is a pretty good person. I have never seen Angel Blade, but apparently it's about cops who like to have sex while they are forced to say incredibly unsexy dialogue. So lucky for your penis or your Silver Bullet, here are a couple very NSFW clips.

Angel Blade Clip 1
Angel Blade Clip 2

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I can only come up with one when I look at this picture. Two if you speak Spanish. It's like my eyes really have no place to rest. According to a source in People magazine, Gwyneth has a "natural way with children," but Moses looks like he wishes he could part Gwyneth's head if she comes any closer with that finger. I mean, who could blame him? His name is Moses. Unless he happens to find a burning bush at school to talk to him, he may come home with lots of bruises.

Sarah Jessica Parker is tired of fans confusing her with her Sex and the City character, Carrie Bradshaw, and wishes people would stop asking her for dating advice.

Sometimes on the street I get the feeling people are disappointed with me because I don't have answers for them. I have to remind them that I don't have a Ph.D. in sex or counseling. I'm an actress. I wonder if George Clooney is better prepared to talk about surgeries because of ER? No!"

Aww, sweetie. Here's the thing, okay? George Clooney is an international movie star and is recognizable from other things besides his work on television. You, not so much. Sure, Hollywood has managed to convince the world of your "unique beauty," so much so that you get starring roles in movies in which you are clearly the fugliest thing on the screen, but Sex and the City will always be your one true moment in the sun. In the real world, you'd be asking people riddles so they could cross your bridge.

Sarah Jessica on April 18th at the Conde Nast Traveler Hot List Party:

Mary-Kate? Mary-Kate, where are you? Will somebody please tell that parking meter to move it's giant ass out of the way so I can see Mary-Kate Olsen? I hate those big, fat parking meters and the way they're always taking up all kinds of space like they're billboards or something. I'm surprised Mary-Kate was even able to fit on the sidewalk. You look a little lost, Mary-Kate. Make a right at the next corner. There you'll find the Yellow Brick Road and you'll be back in Munchkinland just in time to not eat dinner.

• Amanda Peet is a sexy librarian [Hollywood Tuna]
• Paris Hilton bets her Bentley and loses [Hollywood Rag]
• Shields baby will kick Holmes baby's ass [City Rag]
• David Spade scores a Heather Locklear [Popsugar]
  
• Angelina will raid more tombs [D Listed]
• Oh no, please don't take Sienna Miller (yawn) [Egotastic]
• The critics agree, Julia Roberts stinks [A Socialite's Life]
• Here's Baby Billionaire Barron Trump [Just Jared]
• Some of the worst album covers ever [College Humor]
• Erica Durance in May 2006 FHM [Save Manny]
• It's hard out here for a Federline [CelebNewsWire]
• Meadow Soprano in May 2006 Maxim [Gorilla Mask]
• Roselyn Sanchez's sexy backside [The Bastardly]
  

This is Cameron Diaz and the future ex-Mr. Cameron Diaz leaving the restaurant, Il Sole, one of the many high profile restaurants celebrities go knowing there will be paparazzi everywhere waiting at every entrance and exit, so why fucking go if you don't want to be seen? But being the asshole she is, Cameron Diaz goes to places like these all the time and hides her face from every camera, thereby drawing even more attention to herself. However, it's fine with me because I have no interest in looking at pictures of this swamp donkey's massive face and doofy joker smile. Look at poor Justin over there. He looks like he's about one Cameron Diaz *giggle snort* laugh away from pulling the trigger. Aim for her forehead, Justin. She has about six of them. You can't miss!


Related entries:
Cameron Diaz is hiding
Cameron Diaz never shuts up
Cameron Diaz is a spoiled brat

Keira Knightley says she regrets not having a more private life as a teen and a young adult due to her early rise to fame, because apparently she can't have sex as much as she wants. She tells Elle magazine:

My father says: 'I wish this had happened in five years' time, you could have been 20 and got really pissed and slept with loads of people and no one would have known.' "That would have been great. It's like you've got to be perfect. Holding any 20-year-old up as a role model is completely idiotic. I think that's bollocks."

The fact that I've masturbated five times while writing this is proof that Keira is evil. I was almost over her, but then she had to go and say something like this. Now I'm having blurred vision and memory loss, but my vertical jump has increased by 9 inches. Just in time for my workout with the Panthers before the NFL draft! Thanks, Keira!

Keira in Rome a few weeks ago: