If you look as fat as Nicole Richie does in a bikini, you should really consider killing yourself. Not even gastric bypass surgery can help you now. You're on a fast track to humiliating yourself on the Jerry Springer show where they'll remove one of the walls from your house and give you a flatbed ride to the hospital. Really, it would have been a lot easier if you'd just chosen to be skinny and marry a goat instead. Or you could marry Nicole Richie. She looks enough like a goat for you to get your rocks off, you sicko.

Before Jaime Pressly scored a role on the popular show My Name is Earl, which has helped her gain well deserved fame and popularity, she was worried she'd have to star in a celebrity sex tape to get where she is now, but vowed to never do it. She says,

No way would I ever do it. Not after what happened to everybody I know. And people I don't even know! Not a chance. Last year sex tapes were the in thing. It made me go, 'Jesus, all I had to do was have sex with somebody on a tape? I've been working for 11 years busting my ass and all I had to do was have sex on the internet?'

Jaime, after seeing these "rare nude photos" of you below, I think it would be a very good idea to leak a sex tape. I know you're a great actress, unlike the other females in the famous tapes, but that's the beauty of it. You'd be the only talented actress with a famous sex tape. So for purely selfish reasons, and as your self appointed manager, I advise you to go for it. If it's okay with you, I'll just release the one you and I made with Clint Howard. I know, it was a moment of weakness on our parts, but people will understand.

Yes, these are NSFW:


Source

Due to mounting pressure from a grass-roots parents group, Hasbro has killed plans for a new line of dolls based on the all girl(?)group. The toymaker planned to market the dolls to girls as young as 6, but realized it was a bad idea due to the letter writing campaign launched last month by Brooklyn mom Lisa Flythe.

Every single person I spoke to was shocked that this would even be considered," said Flythe, 43, who has a 4-year-old daughter. "It could be an appropriate adult entertainment product, but definitely not for kids."

I could probably think of worse ideas for toys geared toward six year old girls other than dolls based on whorish trannies with no talent. Maybe a "Girl Power: Peach and Plutonium Makeup Kit" or a "My Little Pony Ouija Board." Or maybe not. I'm not an expert on what six year old girls like, so I'll leave that to the crack research and marketing teams at Hasbro. They apparently have it all figured out.

I know we've used these pictures before, but we consider it a public service to show what these "girls" look like from up close, and under their clothes. Most of these are NSFW:


Source

David Silver is still dating Megan Fox, and from the looks of things it seems to be going pretty well. Or Megan is now his nurse and is examining his testicles for irregularities. Either way, this is continuing proof that Beverly Hills 90210 was the best thing that ever happened to Brian Austin Green. Because without that show, he'd be the struggling, white rapper bus boy masturbating in the bamboo behind that couple instead of the one who's there now. Wait, isn't that Bud Bundy?


A closer look at Megan Fox:

• Jaime Pressly takes the challenge [Hollywood Rag]
• Aniston and Vaughn's first photo shoot [Just Jared]
• Scarlett Johansson is totally getting a wedgie [Egotastic]
• Tom, "Kate" and still no Suri [Popsugar]
• Jessica Simpson: More candid fugliness [Hollywood Tuna]
• Dixie Chicks on Howard Stern [City Rag]
• Victoria Silvstedt is one popular woman [A Socialite's Life]
• Jodie Foster is Slim Shady [College Humor]
• Vin Diesel shaves his head ... not by choice [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Bai Ling and Kirsten Dunst bad teeth matchup [the bastardly]
• Michelle Rodriguez vows to leave the U.S. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton slips a nip. Again. [TMZ]
  

This is what Britney Spears looked like yesterday while she was toddling about with her new nanny ("manny"). Where's Sean P., you ask? Beats me. Probably napping in the dumpster behind Starbucks until she's done with her coffee. I haven't decided yet whether that's an open wound on her leg, or it's where she wiped the excess slut red lipstick when a tissue wasn't handy. But I think we can all agree she looks downright classy. And those shoes don't make her legs look any shorter or stumpier. No, not at all.

They say this is Julia Stiles on the cover of next month's issue of Marie Claire. I'll take their word for it, because her name is on the cover and it kinda looks like her, but I'm still not sure. I don't see any black guys.

I've never made movie trailers with anything but VHS, but I do know it's always a good practice to cram as much of the good stuff as you can into two minutes so people will want to see your movie. So, if this is the best they could come up with for trailer for Ghost Rider, this movie is gonna suck. I'm normally a Nic Cage fan, so the only thing I can possibly think of is that he is being blackmailed or somebody he knows is being held for ransom and he just really needed the money. It's like he just threw a bunch of scripts in the air and picked up the first one he saw. As Johnny Blaze, Cage looks and sounds ridiculous here. But even with too much bronzer and his lacquered, dyed jet black hair, Cage at least looks like he should be in a movie. The cgi looks like something on the Power Rangers that was sent back because it looked fake. I'll admit, I've never seen a biker demon riding a motorcycle on fire, but I'm thinking if I did I'd be scared, not looking around for a Playstation controller.

Click here to watch the trailer.
Here's the film's co-star, Eva Mendes, at Revlon's Flair Fragrance Launch on May 22.