Despite lukewarm reviews, protests and a boycott levied by the Catholic Church, The Da Vinci Code raked in $224 million worldwide over the weekend, making it the largest opening of the year and second largest worldwide release after Star Wars: Episode III. This was a particulary good weekend for Sony Pictures, who had been struggling and counted on The Da Vinci Code to be a cash cow. Paul Dergarabedian, president of Exhibitor Relations said:

'Da Vinci' opening this big just tells you that people do want to go to the movies, they just need the right movie to go. You had a built-in audience from the book and the awareness levels were so high from this film. You would have to live under a rock not to know this movie was opening."

I'm not Catholic, so I'm just throwing this out there, but how about just boycotting films you actually want people to see? You know, like reverse psychology. I'm almost postive this will work, and you won't even have to write a self-righteous, long winded review like most crtics. Because if the critics had their way, we'd all be standing in line to watch black and white films where people talk about their feelings for three hours then take turns wiping their ass with the flag.

Naturally, this doesn't include our friends over at Pajiba who did a great job tearing it up.

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Yet another person that has come forward to tell her Charlie Sheen story, and described what he was like after meeting him on MillionaireMatch.com.

He's about as sick as they come," says the aspiring actress in her late 20s, who looks a schoolgirl-ish 18. "He posed as a talent scout [and] left a message that was, like, 'Hi, this is Mr. Jonze, I'm interested in seeing more pictures of you.' When I called him back, after a few minutes of talking, he told me who he was. We dated for about a month. He's such a [bleep]ing perv. He would ask me to dress up, like, in pigtails and schoolgirl outfits. I don't think he's like a pedophile, but he's definitely into really young girls. You know like 18, 19. I don't doubt that everything his wife is saying now is true. He was a big talker, and once I asked him if he was this open with all his girlfriends. He said that he was. He said, 'I like to get to know everyone, even pros.' He calls prostitutes pros . . . He would take Viagra every time before sex, which is kind of weird."

This is usually the part where I make fun of Charlie Sheen, but it appears the guy has a serious problem, because it really isn't this difficult to pick up real 18 and 19 year old girls. Having your own car and two bottles of Boone's Farm should have you two back at her dorm room at 10, and in bed by 11.

However, for two really obvious reasons, I would find no shame in chasing after 19 year olds like Keeley Hazell who has nothing to do with this story other than being 19 and extremely hot.


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The O.C. ended its third season last night by killing Mischa Barton's character, Marissa Cooper, in a car crash. Mischa has hinted for months that she was ready to move on to work in film, and earlier this week she said,

My character has been through so, so much and there's really nothing more left for her to do."

Apparently Mischa was in a hurry, because hours before the episode was to air, she told Access Hollywood that her character was going to die. I know The O.C. is a popular show, so I guess this is kinda news, but I've never seen one episode. Many people often stop me in the street and ask me how I did it. I'm not sure of the exact date, but fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, "I don't give a shit."

Mischa on May 15th at The 22nd Annual Infinity Awards:


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Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez have teamed up to make the much anticipated horror film, Grind House, but to make sure it's scary, they've announced Fergie (a.k.a. Stacy Ferguson) has joined the cast. In what must be some kind of inside joke between the two directors, they claimed to have hired Fergie to bring "sex appeal" to the movie.

I once won $500 for reciting every scene from Reservoir Dogs with the sound off, so there's no chance I'm going to bash Tarantino here. Since this is a horror movie and Fergie's face is a nightmare, I think this is pretty much brilliant casting. Especially if she's cast as an untalented zombie. Because with zombies, everybody knows you must kill the brain. So if you see Fergie, use your head. Cut off hers. A paper bag might help, too.

Here's Fergie at the show where she murdered Sweet Child O' Mine.

I don't brush my teeth or look in the mirror before walking the red carpet and smiling big for hundreds of people who are shining really bright lights on me and taking pictures with high resolution cameras, either. The burnt paper I had for dinner was too good, and I want to keep tasting it.

• Heather Graham: Still a hottie [Hollywood Tuna]
• Pamela Anderson wears short shorts [Hollywood Rag]
• Dita Von Teese to strip for the Beckhams [A Socialite's Life]
• Elisha Cuthbert rocks on [Popsugar]
• Brandon Davis needs to grow some balls [D Listed]
• New Superman Returns TV spots and poster [Egotastic]
• Bollywood never looked so good thanks to Aishwarya Rai [Just Jared]
• Bow Wow Wow flashback [City Rag]
• Rock This Bitch (Over the Hedge) [Pajiba]
• Fresh Prince classic: Will and Carlton dance to Apache [College Humor]

Here are some pictures of Britney Spears feeling sorry for herself after Sean P.'s rescue from what could have been yet another head injury yesterday. Is she mocking me with that outfit? I know I've told her a thousand times to put on a damn bra, but what the hell is that? You're not Madonna, Britney, and this isn't the Blonde Ambition Tour. Bras go under the clothing (same goes for your thong). They serve a purpose, and that's to help prevent those boobs of yours from sinking further south and popping off at your knees. The last time I saw someone look this sloppy and dirty, they were panhandling on Haight Ashbury. Jerry's dead, Brit. Move on.


For the record, the real reason for Britney's blunder yesterday has less to do with the paparazzi and more to do with wearing these ridiculous shoes and pants that are about nine feet too long.

When K-Fed went to make an album and likely realized he didn't know how to rap or have any songs written, he went out and found people to do it for him. Ya Boy (a.k.a .William Crawford) announced on a San Francisco radio show that he wrote two of the songs on K-Fed's new album. He wrote, Fuck the Media and America's Most Hated.

Yep, both of those. Yep," claimed Crawford. "He just came at me and was like, 'Yo, I need you on my team. Like, I need you to lead me in the right direction.' So I put K-Fed under my wing and I'm just showing him the ropes of the rap game... I mean, basically, K-Fed wants to be a rapper. I'm going to try to help him do what he want to do. I mean, dude has millions."

There is nothing more gangsta than a wannabe thug rapper who uses his allowance to pay other people to write his songs for him. K-Fed is about as hardcore as bunny with a box cutter.

Britney out shopping on May 16th:


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