I find it sweet that Keira Knightley's belt is showing me where to unlock her heart, but it's obvious she's still too wrapped up in her work for me to have her baby right now. Look, filming is over darling, why are you still holding hands with a pirate?

Being the geniuses that they are, the Disney marketing team extended an invite to Lindsay Lohan to celebrate her 20th bithday in both of the Anaheim parks in a PR move to gain exposure with the teen demographic. This was a planned media event and several professional photographers were hired to document Lohan's time at the park, but according to miceage.com, a wesbite written by Disney employees, Lindsay and her friends arrived and acted just like you'd expect.

It was immediately apparent to the hotel Cast Members that the "party"had already begun in the limo ride down from LA, but the youngsters went ahead and coasted on a thick layer of LA attitude right into the California Adventure park (DCA) just as it was clearing of day visitors....(employees) working those attractions were also concerned about the safety of some of the members of the party, as there was a definite whiff in the air as the increasingly rowdy group visibly stumbled into the loading area of each ride. Between the obvious smell, rude behavior and the snotty attitude the entire party displayed, there were very few Lindsay Lohan fans working at Disneyland by the end of that night.

Lindsay's spokeperson is already denying the story, calling it "complete bull". Or maybe she meant that working for Lohan is "complete bull." Who knows? Either way, she'd have an easier job if she worked for Charles Manson. At least she'd know it would be all over soon and she wouldn't have to make up a reason why the police are throwing around things like "Mickey Mouse" and "rape kit."

Lindsay on the set of Georgia Rule on July 18th:


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Orlando Bloom insists that he will never cheat on Kate Bosworth with a groupie because he is always so tired. He claims that he is too worn out to make time for female admirers. He says:

I don't have a problem with groupies. When you are onset or have been promoting all day, the last thing you want is a load of ladies knocking on your door."

I'm not calling Orlando Bloom gay, but we really shouldn't be surprised if he or any other actor in Hollywood is. The reason is because they're actors. Most of them didn't pack their bags and move to Hollywood after throwing the game winning touchdown in the high school state championship game. More than likely, they split their time between rehearsing lines for "Oklahoma!" and chorus recitals. And it really doesn't help when they say they would rather go to sleep than bang the sorority that showed up at their hotel because they are too tired from spending all day in makeup and playing pretend. Unless Kate Bosworth's vagina is flowing with milk and honey, most guys would run up a volcano if they thought a threesome was waiting for them inside.

Orlando at the "Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Premiere" in Paris:


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• Dakota Fanning might be a little too young for a rape scene [D Listed]
• David Beckham should feed his wife [Hollywood Rag]
• Lionel Richie is sick about Nicole [Popsugar]
• Did Jodie Foster date Kim Basinger? [City Rag]
• Jude and Sienna going strong [Just Jared]
• Elisha Cuthbert won't pose nude [Hollywood Tuna]
• Uma Thurman can't get a date [Egotastic]
• Madonna adopting African village [A Socialite's Life]
• Leonardo DiCaprio has a heart [Molly Good]
  

If you're Lindsay Lohan and you get invited to Jeremy Piven's 41st birthday party, chances are it's not because you're a big star and everybody loves you. It's because everyone knows you're a drunken whore and you do stuff like this. Keep in mind, this isn't even a photoshoot. This is her standing in front of a door. These are pictures you'd expect to see on a porn site with "Watch barely legal Lindsay hardcore! CLICK HERE NOW!" flashing underneath them. Good thing for Lindsay she's feeling all sexy, because I'm pretty sure the line for gangbang is already all the way down the hall.

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats?
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it.

At the fundraising event "Mollypalooza", held in Denver on Tuesday night, a local businessman won the date with Jessica Biel with a bid of $30,000. All totalled, the event raised $38,000 to assist in covering medical expenses for Molly Bloom, a Denver teen who lost her leg and part of her pelvis after the Hummer stretch limousine she rented with friends drove off as she was climbing inside. The car ran over her left leg, then dragged her nearly 40 feet.

Denver media reported the winning bid Tuesday came from a man identified only as John...The young man in a dark, striped suit, with close-cropped hair who was wearing a white tie outbid another young man's bid of $23,500..."I'm a senior vice president for an oil and gas company in Denver," the News quoted him as saying after he was brought up to the stage.

This John guy may feel comfortable by putting an arbitrary price on love, but far be it from me to place a dollar amount on what Jessica and I have together. My attorneys keep telling me it's $400 an hour plus expenses, but I only have time to focus on things that are truly important. Like her ass and the code to her security system.

Jessica at the Giffoni International Children's Film Festival on July 19th:


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During taping of Thursday's The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, Colin Farrell was confronted by a woman who leapt up from the audience. Initially thought to be part of a skit, the show's security staff restrained the woman and escorted her from the premises.

Entertainment gossip TV show Access Hollywood identified the woman as Dessarae Bradford. It said she had unsuccessfully alleged in a small-claims lawsuit that Farrell stalked her with inappropriate calls and text messages. Access Hollywood, quoting an audience member, said the woman shouted at Farrell, "I'll see you in court," and Farrell replied, "You're insane."

Dessarae Bradford, an aspiring singer and phone sex operator, has recorded a song entitled "Colin Farrell is my Bitch" and self-published a book called "Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy." She has also sued Farrell twice, claiming stalking and menacing behavior from Farrell during their encounters together. She currently has a third attempt filed in California Federal Court. She's also currently still a phone sex operator. She's masturbation that requires a credit card. No one cares. However, they do care about Colin Farrell. He could be seen on a home video in a dirty diaper and a dog collar and he'd still get panties in the mail.

Colin last night at the Miami Vice premiere:


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