Fred Durst announced via his MySpace blog that he's engaged to a girl named Krista Salvatore who he met this year during Memorial Day weekend.

I have met a wonderful girl named Krista from Rhode Island and have asked her to marry me. She said yes and I am now proud to say that we are engaged to be married."

He also mentioned he "wanted to announce the good news before rumors spread" which, of course, really means - "Nobody cares about me anymore, so I need to give people reasons to talk about me. I'm still doing it all for the nookie and would like you to give me something to break. Remember me now? Fred. The bald guy with the red hat, sex tape, hairy gut and small penis. Yeah, you remember!"

Since I'm pretty sure about 0 1/2 people care about pictures of Fred Durst, so here's Christina Aguilera leaving the Koko club last night in a see through dress:


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The powers that be who made the smart decisions not to cast Lindsay Lohan (crappy actress), Jessica Simpson (functionally retarded, crappy actress) and Katie Cassidy (who?) as "Lucy Ewing" in the upcoming film version of the television series, "Dallas," have now allegedly cast Scarlett Johansson in the role. What I was unaware of until today was they apparently also considered casting Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in the role and this is a real quote someone actually wrote with a straight face:

It is believed Scarlett beat off stiff competition from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for the coveted role."

I could understand if what I read was "beat off flies which escaped from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's underwear," but not "beat off stiff competition" from them. When you're as talented as Scarlett Johansson, losing any role to Paris Hilton and/or Nicole Richie which isn't the role of "bukkake star's stand-in" or "the broomstick (non-speaking)" would be as good a reason as any to either retire or kill yourself, so it's a damn good thing Scarlett won this battle.

Promo press stills from Scoop:


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Sumo Urban Lounge Gear was brave enough to trust me to test their products and share the results with you. These chairs have been seen all over MTV, Playboy magazine, the X Games and have been donated to Hurricane Katrina victims, but they've never seen as much action as they have at my house.

These beanbag chairs are great for hot, monkey love.

Even if you get Pooh all over 'em, they're easy to clean.

Elmo is a rock star and scores hot chicks because he has Sumo chairs.

The infamous "Donkey Show" is hotter and sexier because of Sumo Urban Lounge Gear (and the voyeur monkey).

You, too, can have hot, monkey sex on Sumo beanbag chairs. Keep an eye (or two) out for your chance to win fee Sumo products.

• Mischa Barton almost slips it all [Egotastic]
• Madonna is planning to adopt [Hollywood Rag]
• Angelina Jolie's nose job mystery [City Rag]
• Jessica Simpson looks ridiculous (as usual) [Hollywood Tuna]
• Paris Hilton delays the release of her album. Aw shucks! [Popsugar]
• Jessica Simpson is "a bargain-basement star" [A Socialite's Life]
• The private life of Justin Timberlake [Just Jared]
• Makin' Loooove, Like It Was Nothing at All (Clerks II) [Pajiba]
• Alyssa Milano's nipply USO visit because they were there [EHOWA (nsfw)]
  

On the "Love B" portion of Britney Spears' website, offensively subtitled "stream of consciousness," Britney gives us her deepest thoughts about...tigers.

In some ways, people are a lot like animals...I'm mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze. A sense of eerie awe comes over you in their presence. The fear they give you when you pass them is stunning. Behold the beauty of the tiger."

Maybe somebody should point this out to Brit - Chester Cheetah isn't a tiger. He's a cheetah.

Britney and the "manny"/bodyguard/whatever on July 18th in Malibu:


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I would like to take this time to personally thank Christina Aguilera and her enormous boobs for not wearing a bra when leaving her hotel in Paris a few days ago. These days we hear so many horror stories about guys leaving bars with the girl of their wet dreams only to wake up to nothing but disappointment and a water bra. It's like it's not even safe for a man to leave his house at night anymore. So men, hug your pillow and sleep well tonight knowing that Christina and her tits are out there fighting. For us.

I'm not sure if it's too much semen or too much blow, but Lindsay Lohan actually believes people when they tell her she looks like Marilyn Monroe. She claims that Sharon Stone and Monroe's best friend both told her that she looks like the iconic blonde. She says:

Marilyn's best friend came over at the event (at which she wore a Monroe-inspired dress) and said she'd been taken aback because she thought I looked so much like Marilyn. It was incredible."

What Lindsay fails to understand is that Marilyn Monroe died in 1962 at the age of 36. So that means any friend of Marilyn's would be about 250 now. I could put a blonde wig on a cactus and this old lady would think it was Marilyn. Not to mention that Monroe is still a blonde sex symbol who, to this day, is arguably the 20th century's most famous movie star. Lindsay Lohan is a pale, freckled mess who is the most famous movie star at the free clinic. Chances are that if Marilyn Monroe punched up her hand up through the ground right now, she could still probably fill out a bikini better than Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan in another bikini in Malibu on July 16th:


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• Pamela Anderson gets tipsy [Hollywood Rag]
• Tori Spelling is pregnant [Popsugar]
• Christina Aguilera boob watch [Hollywood Tuna]
• Luke Wilson is a player [City Rag]
• Jessica Simpson: Still trying too hard [Egotastic]
• Surfing with Matthew McConaughey [A Socialite's Life]
• Susan Sarandon is enchanted [Just Jared]
• The 11 Best Chappelle's Show Skits of All Time [Cracked]
• Sometimes Formulatic Storylines Do Work (Tsotsi) [Pajiba]
• Rosario Dawson and her big mouth on TRL [the bastardly]