Critical darling, Sofia Coppola, appears to have scored her first flop with the widely panned period drama Marie Antoinette. This lame mess, about France's headless icon, made $5.3 million over its opening weekend, mostly in theaters where the owner lives in the upstairs loft with his boyfriend. Here are some of the nicer reviews:

One of the most vapid and unentertaining stories I've had the displeasure of seeing this year. - Review Express

Sofia Coppola keeps making these aptly crafted, perfectly vapid little films. She's the arthouse Tony Scott. - Montreal Journal

Coppola, arguably the most successful living member of the Lucky Sperm Club, brings us an unimaginative perspective on the girl's life...Without daddy's money...Coppola's emaciated screenplay would still be moldering on her hard drive as the author worked the 10-4 shift at the Starbucks on Figueroa - Film Threat

This really should come as no surprise, because except for when she's filling screen space in Spiderman or being bitten by Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst films usually suck and never make any money. Meanwhile, Sofia Coppola makes every one of her films more lame and boring than the last. I saw the first ten minutes of Lost in Translation, and the next thing I remember was waking up six months later and a doctor telling my mother it was a miracle.

Lindsay Lohan nearly caused a car accident last night after she sped out of the Hyde parking lot without looking, causing an oncoming vehicle to come to a screeching halt to avoid from ramming into Lindsay's Mercedes. Lindsay drove away without stopping. TMZ reports:

The other car screeched to a halt, coming very close to crashing into the red-haired vixen's pricey ride, while Lindsay continued on her way without missing a beat."

Just barely a year ago, Lindsay slammed her Mercedes into a van then fled the scene to go hide in an antiques store. Things ramming into Lindsay Lohan is pretty much cliche at this point, but it sure would be nice if one of those things could one day be an oncoming vehicle. I'm not saying somebody should kill her, but if they think they have a big enough lead to give away those 40 bonus points, then that's totally up to them.

Watch the video here.

Lohan leaving the Ritz in Paris on October 20th:

• Madonna should have bought American [Hollywood Rag]
• Nicole Richie flashes her undies ... feel free to puke [Hollywood Tuna]
• Justin Timberlake gets slapped with meat [D Listed]
• Fergie's "Fergalicious" [Egotastic]
• Demi and Ashton are still married [Just Jared]
• Leftover Suri Cruise [A Socialite's Life]
• Avril Lavigne is super-Photoshopped [Popsugar]
• Tori Spelling is either broke or nuts [City Rag]
• Beaten By A Girl [College Humor]
  
• I Myself Have Found a Real Rival Within Myself (The Prestige) [Pajiba]
  

Nick Carter, Backstreet boybander and ex-boyfriend of Paris Hilton, says Paris is boring in the sack and smuggles marijuana in her teddy bear when she flies on planes. He explains:

Paris in the bedroom:

She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out."

Paris on a plane:

If she was going overseas she'd cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences."

Transporting weed overseas in a carry-on teddy bear with duct tape over its stomach sounds like a brilliant plan. You might as well carry a suitcase labeled "Not drugs."

These pictures of Paris are a couple months old, butt it doesn't matter:


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Beside every other month in the calendar year, October is the perfect month for girls to wear bikinis. Especially when they are as adorably cute as Kate Hudson. It really doesn't even matter that she's only wearing a bikini top only because it was included in the price. She has a great ass. And girls need one or the other if they want any realistic shot at that promotion.

• Keith Urban checks in to rehab [D Listed]
• The 'Fraggle Rock' movie is coming! [Hollywood Rag]
• David Beckham to drop his pants [Popsugar]
• Shiloh Jolie-Pitt spotted in India [Just Jared]
• Another angle of Jessica Biel working out[Egotastic]
• Tom Cruise has a cameltoe [City Rag]
• Madonna is still pissing off the church [A Socialite's Life]
• A Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh picture moment [Hollywood Tuna]
• Nelly Furtado and her fug dress @ MTV LAMAs [the bastardly]
• Jessica Alba's almost naked photoshoot [Save Manny]
• Tyra Banks is crazy [College Humor]
  

Angelina Jolie says she will no longer appear nude in films because she does not want to embarrass her children when they get older. Quite possibly the most beautiful woman who has ever lived, Angelina is mother to three children, all under the age of 6. A source says:

There's an element of her not wanting or needing to go for the shock element on screen anymore, but mostly she doesn't want her children to have to deal with that kind of issue, especially when they get older."

Angelina Jolie doesn't have her picture in the dictionary beside the word "MILF," she has a centerfold. The only way her kids would be embarrassed is if she suddenly grew antlers. If I was Maddox, I'd be bringing a copy of Gia and popcorn to show and tell every day.



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Jaime Pressly is set to marry her DJ boyfriend of one year, Eric Cubiche, after he proposed on Tuesday. US Weekly reports:

Jaime is officially engaged," says Pressly publicist Megan Pope. Pressly received the ring yesterday, October 17. The ring, which was designed by the couple, is from Beverly Hills jewelry store XIV Karats and according to a source close to Jaime, "it's gorgeous!"

The couple reportedly have been best friends for nine years. Nice. They were so close and so inseparable, I've never heard of him until just now. The only thing I know about this guy is that he apparently really likes dance music and his best friend is a girl. Not exactly sure how all that works where he lives, but where Jaime's from, he would be killed then brought back to life just so they can try the other guy's idea.

My Name is Earl Season 2 promo pics: