Director Oliver Stone was booed at the British Comedy Awards last night after telling the celebrity audience how awesome he felt to be in England. He said:

It's great to be back in England. I feel like Jack The Ripper days are back. Nothing ever changes here."

In defense of the crowd, this probably wouldn't have been funny even if the bodies of five prostitutes hadn't been found in the woods of the port town of Ipswich in the last eleven days. Nice job working in one of the darkest moments of British history at a comedy show there Oliver. You would've got a better laugh if you went to Japan and flew a B-52 over the audience or cracked a whip on stage at a NAACP meeting.

Stone at a press conference of "World Trade Center" in Moscow, 11 Sep. 2006:



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Officials from the Miss USA pageant will reportedly make a "major announcement" today where it is expected that reigning Miss USA Tara Conner will be stripped of her title due to inappropriate behavior. Several incidents at New York City bars were cited. If dethroned, Tara Conner, who was crowned in April, would be replaced by Miss California Tamiko Nash. TMZ reports:

While no one from the pageant would comment on the rumored troubles, several sources tell TMZ that a big announcement is expected some time Thursday. According to these sources, officials are extremely unhappy with the current Miss USA's conduct in public.

Holy shit. The only this story could get any better is if she had a twin. It might be the first death from erection if I walked in my neighborhood bar and saw Miss USA dancing on a table with nothing on but her crown.


Update: Donald Trump, who owns Miss USA pageant, says Tara Conner will not lose her crown but recognized she is going through some "personal problems." Good, because "Tamiko Nash" sounds like some kind of comic book warrior.

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Since Nicole Richie pleaded no contest to a DUI charge in 2002, where she blew a .13, a judge must impose a mandatory jail sentence if Richie is convicted of yet another DUI stemming from her latest arrest in which she was pulled over going down the wrong way on the Burbank Freeway.

The law requires a mandatory sentence of five consecutive days in county jail as well as a one year license suspension for anyone twice-convicted of DUI. In addition, Richie would be ordered to attend an alcohol education program for a year-and-a-half, even if the second conviction is not alcohol-related."

To reiterate, her bony ass is going to jail. All 85 pounds of her. I don't know what happens to little 85 pound rich girls in jail, but I can take a guess. The thought of her curled up in the fetal position under Lionel Richie's bed right now makes me happy. Seriously, if I was any more giddy right now I'd be gay.

I was looking for new pictures of Nicole Richie, then I saw these and stopped:


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Labels: nicole richie, nicole richie dui

• Lindsay Lohan strips and cuts off the booze [Hollywood Rag]
• Anne Hathaway talks about her nipples [Egotastic]
• Kanye West sued by Evel Knievel [City Rag]
• The Dixie Chicks are splitting up [A Socialite's Life]
• Cameron Diaz wants to dyke out with Pam Anderson [Dlisted]
• Carmen Electra lets it all out [Just Jared]
• Scarlett Johansson naked causes no fuss [Hollywood Tuna]
• PETA goes after Madonna [Popsugar]
• Mel Gibson is Batshit Insane (Apocalypto) [Pajiba]
• Scary Seinfeld Movie (video) [College Humor]
• Lindsay Lohan hangs out with hipster retards [Drunken Stepfather]
  
• Tara Reid had drunken sex with this guy [the bastardly]
• The 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever [Nerve]
  

The people who Britney Spears pays to tell her how to think and feel have reportedly told the inbred to stay away from Paris Hilton if she wants any shot to continue her career. A source says:

Britney has been told by her people that if she ever wants a comeback, she has to stay far away from Paris and start acting like an adult."

The only way Britney Spears could make a comeback is if she woke up tomorrow and wasn't Britney Spears. It's too late at this point. Good news is, at least Paris is gone. I wonder how many times they tried to finally convince Britney. After puppets didn't work, they probably drew Britney a crayon picture of her living in a milk crate and Paris blowing a camel. Or one that says "Britney + Paris =" then a big picture of a mushroom cloud.

Britney buying her own CD and looking like hell on Tuesday:


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Victoria Beckham has revealed she perfected her pout in photographs years ago by asking her fellow Spice Girls to call her ugly before photoshoots.

Victoria told Britain's OK! magazine: "There's not really an explanation behind it. You've just got to look really miserable, feel bored and pout. I used to get the girls to abuse me and tell me I was horrible so I could get my pout right."

Well, since snoutface no longer has those girls around, I'd be more than happy to remind her how hard it is to look at her. All she needs to do is say the word. I'll do it free of charge. Hell, I'll pay her to let me do it. I have an A to Z list ready to recite - A nightmare, B ad boob job, C - word, D on't look at me, I might die, etc.

Posh on December 3rd:


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Hey, y'all! (chomp, chomp) For all y'all who ain't believin' I'm comin' back (chomp, chomp), I decided to show y'all more parts of me. This'll be the hottest comeback ever! Like Joan Crawford, after she died, her daughter done made a movie out of her and she was, like, more famous as ever! But I ain't the daughter. I'm Joan Crawford and, like ... I'm alive (chomp, chomp, chomp). Get it? Look, y'all, I gots titties!


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Coming soon to a theater near you, Britney Spears gives herself a pap smear and pierces her cervix.

Can't wait.