Which hard-partying starlet just got a brand-new case of herpes to kick off the new year? The poor thing can't seem to catch a break lately."

The only reason this might be hard to believe is because it seems surprising that Lindsay Lohan didn't already have herpes. She's 20 years old and her vagina looks like she's delivering septuplets and she's on number 6. My calculations may be off, but her body is 72% semen. When she cuts her finger, she puts on a condom instead of a band-aid.

Lindsay and her nipples:


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Let's be honest, if Lindsay Lohan was never born, we really wouldn't have much to write about. So, I guess Dina Lohan could be considered a hero. She could also be considered a whore, like her daughter. Page Six reports:

Dina, spotted in a "really short dress and boots," made some fellow diners at Kobe Club lose their appetites Wednesday night. A guy sitting next to Dina was "all over her," we're told. "Dina had a napkin in her lap and hiked up her dress," our source says. "The guy put his hand under her napkin . . . It went on for like five minutes." After the guy realized he was being watched, he stopped whatever it was he was doing. A rep for Dina said, "That's a disgusting lie and it's completely untrue."

Dina Lohan is technically Lindsay Lohan's mother, but whatever maternal instincts she may have had were traded in for fame and money a long time ago. Dina wants to be Lindsay's BFF so she can party with her instead of providing any type of parental guidance. And we've all seen the results of her genes and influence on our poor Lindsay. Red hair, freckles, alcoholism and the need to put more meat in her mouth than Kobayashi. Nice work, Dina.

Correction: These pictures are dated December 30th and she's in Miami:

Labels: dina lohan, lindsay lohan

I guess seeing Vanessa Minnillo without a bra would be mind-blowing to all the 14 year old emo kids who watch TRL (which is apparently taped in China), but we all know she's gonna have to do better than this if she really wants to get famous. It's like she's not even trying. Just look how her green shirt is clinging tightly and provocatively to her chest as she poses and....uhh....wait, huh? What were we talking about?


We're adding these old see through ones to help her out (NSFW):

Here's Paula Abdul promoting the new season of American Idol on a Seattle news broadcast. It's one of the best Kirk Douglas impressions I've seen. I didn't know she was this talented. I guess it's a little offensive. The dude had a stroke. He can't help the way he talks. Paula goes on forever. Lindsay Lohan can't help being a whore, but at least when I do impressions of her I know where to draw the line - like limiting the number of men at my gangbangs.

Thanks to all the cold hearted snakes who sent this in.

This post needed some pictures, so here's Katharine McPhee last month:

• The Kurt Cobain movie [Dlisted]
• K-Fed is broke as a joke [Hollywood Rag]
• Jessica Alba might be engaged [Hollywood Tuna]
• Madonna's new kid is bitchy [A Socialite's Life]
• [City Rag]
• Mandy Moore and DJ AM dating? [Egotastic]
• David Beckham is still too pretty for Posh [Popsugar]
• J-Lo's shitty show starts Monday [Just Jared]
• Fuck You, Baltimore! [College Humor]
• I'm Jack Bauer, and My Blood is in Your Veins [Pajiba]
• Sienna Miller naked in Factory Girl [Drunken Stepfather]
• Jennifer Lopez is still babbling [MollyGood]
  

Britney Spears has a new boyfriend. He calls himself a "model," his name is Isaac "Eyezik" Cohen and he's almost as big a doofus as K-Fed.

...the 25-year-old male model has taken down his personal MySpace profile - but not before a revealing screenshot of the page was captured. Referring to himself as "Eyezik" and vowing "This is my year!" the Encino, Calif., resident's deleted page cited his interests as "duuurtt bikes, 4 Wheelin', kung fu flicks, rappin', slappin', tappin'" and facetiously names the Bible as his favorite book, claiming to have used pages of Leviticus 4:20 to roll "sweet, sweet chiba" joints."

In Britney's defense, a lot of people prefer not to date people who are smarter than them and it's almost commendable that she was able to find someone (again) who fits that profile because you know that was difficult. Well, "smarter than" was a bad choice of words. Maybe I should have used "not as retarded as," or "less dumb," or "beep" or "fart."

Here are Britney and K-Fed Lite on a yacht earlier this month:


Note: The picture at the top of the post is Britney (and Eyezit) with full makeup and hair extensions at the grand opening of Sideways restaurant on January 11th.

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Here's the first official trailer of Craig Brewer's new movie, Black Snake Moan, and from what I can tell, Christina Ricci plays a slut and Samuel L. Jackson plays an old dude trying to cure her. I don't know, but there should probably be some kind of law against that. Anyone caught doing this should be fined or at least executed. Trying to cure a woman of being a slut is like trying to cure baby lion cubs from being cute or curing children from laughing. Shame on you sir, shame on you.


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Jennifer Aniston has been in hiding lately, so these pictures of her accepting some award at the People's Choice Awards are the first decent pictures of her in a while. I say decent because I never really noticed how big her boobs are. Too bad about the face, though. She looks like Bill Cowher with a kick ass body. I guess tears and bitterness don't really make you look your best.