You probably heard this already, but for the sake of reporting, Commissioner Scott Gordon denied Britney Spears' petition to regain custody of her two children yesterday, effectively granting sole custody to Kevin Federline. Spears is allowed three monitored visits per week, two from 12:00 Noon to 7:00 PM and one overnight. TMZ reports:

In the order, the Commish wrote that when Britney has the kids, "the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all." The Commish also recounts what the parenting coach complained of -- that "during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play." According to the report, the coach wrote, "It seems that [Britney's] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children." The coach also said Spears seemed to have a "lack of general attention at times" but there was nothing she "would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense." And then the most damning comment from the parenting coach: "The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful."

So, to paraphrase, Britney is a selfish bitch who can't be bothered with her kids unless they are somehow nearby when she's doing something Britney wants to do. In Britney's defense, I can see how that would be a problem. Two year olds can't even get in to most clubs.

Fergie gets attacked with a crimping iron [Dlisted]
Jessica Simpson might be in Grease [Hollywood Rag]
Mary Carey is a porn star [Hollywood Tuna]
Lindsay Lohan is a big headed/small footed freakshow (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
David Beckham gets all romantic in Arena [Popsugar]
Jessica Alba and Mike Myers have a new movie [Just Jared]
Cheerleading is dangerous [College Humor]
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are one [City Rag]
Natalie Portman does parade [Egotastic]
Yet another Angelina Jolie pregnancy rumor [ASL]
Hayden Pannettiere's panties (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Emmy Rossum is a devil [Popoholic]

In honor of Robert Goulet's passing:


Britney's former assistant, Kalie Machado, leaked these old pics to the press today:

Worrying about your pending child custody can be difficult, and some might say the best way to take your mind off that is to go to a bar and get drunk and high and dance on a table. Like Britney. On Monday, along with Alli Sims and several of her friends(?), Britney went to Winston's and basically acted like Britney. Then, it got much, much worse:

As the evening came to a close, at about 1:30 a.m., Britney headed into the ladies room - again - and was spotted chatting with a brunette female bartender. "While waiting for a stall to open up, Britney turned to the bartender, who was wearing a low-cut black dress, and said, 'You have nice tits! Mine are all saggy!'" an eyewitness tells OK!. The bartender, somewhat dumbstruck by the comment, replied, 'Thank you?!!" Brit then asked the girl, "Do you wanna change? I wanna switch outfits!! Let's switch!!'" "At this point, the bartender felt that she had no choice but to comply," the eyewitness says. "The ladies proceeded to switch outfits and Britney happily walked back to her booth in the bartender's duds. The bartender, clearly taken aback, but with a great attitude, went back behind the bar and continued serving drinks in Spears' French maid outfit, telling patrons, 'I'm wearing Britney's costume, including her bra! She made me take her bra!'"

Then they all decided to go back to Britney's house where Britney dressed up in a scuba mask and a barrel with suspenders then grabbed a fork and chased an imaginary hot dog just to fully drive the point home that she has completely lost her fucking mind.

Britney in the bartender's clothes (possibly NSFW):


Britney before she "switch"ed:

Star magazine is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson were seen on a date in Los Angeles recently. The pair reportedly hit it off after meeting in Austin on October 16th while working on a Willie Nelson video:

The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home. "He couldn't keep his hands off her," a witness told the mag."

Instead of picturing Jessica Simpson's career, picture a dolphin trapped in a fishing net, and you'll get a clearer understanding as to why these two are "dating." Because open any magazine, and you'll find that Jessica Simpson is supposed to be some kind of Hollywood sex symbol. Too bad she can't keep a man for longer than five minutes. Enter Owen Wilson. Nice one, Papa Joe. Way to think ahead. Compared to slitting his wrists and swallowing a bottle of pills like a girl, the thought of getting caught massaging Jessica Simpson's prostate really won't register that high on Owen Wilson's embarrassment scale.

Jessica on October 25th:


Source

Amy Fisher, dubbed "The Long Island Lolita" at the age of 17 after she had an affair with Joey Buttafuoco and shot his wife in the face, reportedly has a sex tape that will be released this month. Lou Bellera, Fisher's husband, sold the rights to the tape to Red Light District Video after the couple divorced. New York Post reports:

Lou Bellera sold the rights to "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape" this past spring after he filed for divorce and she began dating one-time flame Joey Buttafuoco. "I did it out of the heat of anger and passion," Bellera told The Post. "We were estranged. She was seeing Joey. I was seething about the whole thing. It just came to a point where I was hurt and embarrassed by it...and it pressed the wrong button. I just used that as a vehicle to strike back at her." The couple reconciled this summer, and Bellera didn't tell Fisher that he'd sold the sex tape to Red Light District Video until this month. Fisher said she was willing to forgive her husband. "We've been together for so many years and have had so many ups and downs," she said. " ... I don't want to see it. It's better for me if I just don't think about it. I'm just going to hide in my house."

Man, how does Amy Fisher do it? I bet she used to sleep in a glass coffin or had bluebirds and mice help her make a dress because it's obvious her life is some sort of fairy tale.

These are slightly NSFW:

Jennifer Lopez has been a insufferable bitch for years, but it's now rumored that Epic Records and it's parent company, Sony BMG, may be on the verge of dropping Lopez because there's no longer any money in tolerating her anymore. Despite her new album, Brave, only selling 53,000 copies in it's first week and currently sitting at #175 on Amazon's sales chart, Lopez apparently still believes she's an international superstar. MSNBC reports:

She costs too much money and doesn't sell enough," says the source, who is familiar with the issue. "Her last album cover alone cost $60,000 in hair and makeup, lighting, photographers, re-touching, etc. The video budget was in the neighborhood of $300,000." And that's just what it costs to get the album out the door. Lopez performed on "Good Morning America" earlier this month, and all the costs were absorbed by the label. "Epic had to eat the cost for that entire performance....The woman requires everything short of flying monkeys to get on a stage."

Jennifer Lopez is basically a Latin Britney Spears, so this really isn't surprising. The best thing that ever happened to Lopez was the president of Selena's fan club. Strip away the Hollywood fairy dust and the studio magic, and she's just a fat chick who's voice sounds like kittens in a fire. Her career, at best, should consist of her parked at the corner of an intersection beside the mall, selling those giant rugs and Puerto Rican flags to help cover the cost of night school.

Josh Duhamel clearly doesn't read this site, because not only is he still dating Fergie, he now says he wants to have kids with her. He tells OK!:

I've got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me - so I got to get on the horse!"..."I don't know. [I feel a little bit] jealous [of my friends]. But I'm taking my time. We'll do it when it's right. It's busy right now for me and my girl. It will happen."

Josh Duhamel must've been joking around since Halloween is tomorrow, because he has to know that Fergie is a monster. You normally only see faces like hers on haunted pirate ships or punching out of graves. If I was Josh, I'd probably drop by Home Depot and pick up and ax. I mean, I guess an actual baby could come out, but why take a chance?

Fergie performing for her fellow trannies in Thailand on October 13th:

Hayden Panettiere was in Taiji, Japan to help raise awareness for the thousands of Dolphins who are slaughtered there each year.

Hayden Panettiere, star of TVs hit series Heroes, paddled out on behalf of Save The Whales Again! www.savethewhalesagain.com. She expressed that she felt the spirit of the dolphins who had been driven into the killing cove over the last 400 years. We had a moment of silence for all the dolphins that had been killed here, said Panettiere, who uses her celebrity to protect dolphins and whales. It was highly emotional. I wished for peace and for no more pain at this beautiful yet tragic cove."

Fuck all that do-gooder stuff, I'm more concerned with Hayden's mom. She must be an English teacher, because those apostrophes above her eyes really punctuate her face.


Source