Hey, you remember that time Tara Reid was in movies? Yeah, neither does her agent, because she's been hired to host something called the "Hooker's Ball" in Darwin, Australia. ninemsn reports:

The American Pie starlet's role in the 21st staging of Darwin's self-styled naughtiest night will include competing in the wet t-shirt contest, and a manager at the Discovery nightclub says Reid may be dressed up in lingerie or even as a prostitute. "It's a night like your 'pimps and prostitutes' or sleaze balls, and it's just a night of less is best," hospitality manager Guy Dunne said. "We thought Tara Reid would be a great choice ... it's a very naughty night and an opportunity to put your inhibitions down."...Mr Dunne says it was a big coup for the club and Darwin to have Reid host the event, saying they usually get passed over by "big-name stars".

This should be fun. Because it's Tara Reid. I'll put the over/under at 20 minutes before she's stumbling drunk and wondering how her panties got stuck to her shoe. If the night doesn't end with Tara Reid passed out under a table wearing nothing but barrel suspenders and a snorkel mask, I'll slap a bear. (Author's note: to clarify, my teddy bear.)


Tara at the Ivy on November 23rd:


Sad, pathetic update after the jump...

Reports were everywhere yesterday that Britney Spears is four weeks pregnant with J.R. Rotem's baby. Somebody that Britney may or may not know wants you to know that it's a vicious lie. A source tells OK! Magazine:

She's furious at InTouch,"...."The story is a complete lie. She does not even see or talk to J.R., and she hasn't had any dealings with him in months."..."She's thinking about suing," explains the pal. "She's so mad. She's worked so hard at being a working mom and resolving legal issues. To have such a messed up lie come out like this now really angers her. She is serious about wanting to sue."

Britney's life is like a hillbilly episode of COPS, fully documenting every second of every day. And this is the one thing that made her want to sue. This. I can totally understand. She worked hard to get rid of the kids she has now, she can't have people thinking she's pregnant. People don't like to party with pregnant chicks.

Britney shooting a new music video yesterday:


Note: The banner picture is old. She was pregnant with Sean Preston there.

I've never been run off the road to be lectured by a sanctimonious Hollywood actress who was swerving between lanes moments before, but if I did, I hope I would handle myself better than this dude. Especially if that actress is Julia Roberts. She looks like a horse, and westerns tell me that you're supposed to kick horses in the ribs when you want them to do something. So, if you ever want Julia Roberts to shut up, I'd suggest probably starting with that.

Julia out shopping on November 17th:


Source

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been wearing maternity clothes for the past three years, so I guess now we know why. Holy shit. I would say more, but if you'll excuse me, I need to go get my penis. He just stuck his head in the oven.

Lindsay Lohan couldn't get cast in a clay mold right now, so she's rumored to be starting her contractually obligated third album. She's also a slut. Page Six reports:

A source at Universal Music Group tells us she'll soon start recording her third album, rumored to be titled "Nobody's Angel." The tipster said, "She's only recording because of a contractual obligation to Universal," which released her second album. Another insider insisted, "Lindsay always planned to release a third album."

I've never heard of her first two albums, so I'm sure this one will be a big hit. Lindsay probably has a lot to say. And songs about speedballs and bronzer are always really popular.

Orange you glad Lindsay is making an album?:

Katherine Heigl turned 29 this weekend, so if she's on your to do list, you better figure out your approach now, because you don't have long. 29 isn't old at all, it's just old when you smoke twelve packs of cigarettes a day. Like Katherine Heigl. Without a swarm of stylists and make artists she looks like this and this, so good luck in about five years. By then she'll be wearing lace push up bras because her voicebox doesn't make her feel sexy.

Star Magazine claims that Britney Spears' mansion is a festering pool of unwashed, air-dried sex toys, dog shit, and used diapers. Sexy? Oh you better believe it, baby! New York Daily News reports:

The tabloid alleges that the plummeting pop star's Mulholland Drive mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated "Fantasy Room" filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe. The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an "insider" who stumbled into the den of sin. "She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid's uniform and a Cinderella outfit," claims the mole....[Federline's] legal team, which scours the tabloid media for new evidence of maternal incompetence, is possibly less familiar with the claim that Brit leaves some of her sex toys out in the living room...Star's source also claims the house is a stinky sty - that the white couches bear hideous stains of diaper-changing and Britney's dog. According to the tab, a "court-appointed watchdog" is set to declare the place a potential "health hazard."

Man, Britney sure knows how to turn a guy on. All she's missing now is another girl and 1 cup. That way she can fully make sure this story makes me want to vomit until I beg for someone to kill me.

Britney on Nov. 26:

Hulk Hogan was allegedly told by a reporter that his wife of 24 years, Linda Hogan, had filed for divorce on November 20th. So, I'm guessing that he probably knows why Linda wants half of his estimated $9.5 million fortune. Page Six reports:

Linda wanted to move to California," a spy said. "Hulk and the kids were happy in Florida. They've been fighting for quite a while, and a lot of it has to do with her out-of- control spending. She just goes nuts and acts like Hulk has Tom Cruise money - when he doesn't. She wanted to buy a $12 million house in LA, and when Hulk refused, she went ahead and rented a $35,000-a-month house. They already have four to five houses and she wants more?" Linda also apparently likes to "party."

Man, Linda Hogan sure seems appreciative of everything Hulk has done for her. Next, maybe she can whack him in the balls with a giant mallet or plant a prostitute's head in his car.

Linda Hogan loves street racing:


Brock Hogan celebrating Thanksgiving: