Barely a month after announcing to the world what a great guy Chace Crawford was, Carrie Underwood and her new boyfriend have reportedly split. Why? Crawford's penis allegedly has a fear of commitment.
Page Six says:

Crawford was seen several weeks ago making out with a blonde who was not Underwood, and he spent Wednesday night at Beatrice Inn locking lips with his co-star, Leighton Meister - and it wasn't for the show. A rep for "Gossip Girl" didn't return calls."

That's two in a row for Carrie, so she's probably not feeling that great about herself. Whew. That took long enough. All I have to do now is tell her that her ass looks kinda big and her self-esteem should be good to go. Good to wear the Wonder Woman outfit I bought. Dear diary, commence phase two.

Carrie at "Movies Rock" on December 2nd:

Tony, I realize you're a Cowboy now and you want to fit in and all, but you're taking this horse riding thing a little too far. No more publicity dates with Mr. Ed. This isn't fetish porn. This is football.

Britney Spears celebrated her birthday at the Scandinavian Style Mansion in Bel Air on Saturday. Say what you will about her, but I think she looks fuckin' great for a 47 year old crack whore. Most of them don't even live to be that age! Way to beat the odds, Britney. You're a true inspiration.