David Duchovny, 48, has entered rehab for sex addiction his lawyer has confirmed. Wait, is this supposed to be a bad thing? People reports:

I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," the actor says in an exclusive statement. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."

David Duchovny plays a washed up writer who bangs a lot of L.A. ass on the awesome, Californication, so of course he's a sex addict now. That's because most actors are empty voids with no personality of their own so they think they are who they play. So if you're listening, Hollywood, it might not be a good idea to cast David Duchovny as Jack The Ripper or a suicide bomber.

Duchovny on the set of Californication last month:

Jessica Simpson had a concert in Ontario, Canada on Wednesday night. Here's a hint: She sucks. John Law of the Niagra Falls Reviews says:

It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson's show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it's going. Simpson, on the other hand, has jumped the rails from pop to country like she's trying on a new coat at Macy's. And while the resulting album might surprise some cynics, this cowgirl seems completely lost and desperate for approval on stage. It made for a bizarre and often frustrating show. Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She's still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they'd rather hear her talk than sing....It was probably a bad sign that Wednesday's show started with a taped message from Willie Nelson, basically asking us to give Jessica a chance. She then hit the stage to "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" - not the only classic she'd maim this night, but the most grating...Armed with that confidence, Simpson opened up about God, divorce and, um, flatulence. "I do pass gas a lot," she said. "I guarantee it smells like roses." Seventy bucks a ticket, folks...She'll get plenty of chances. Jessica Simpson is the perfect celebrity for the TMZ age: Proof you can go so far doing so little. And doing it badly."

Wow. Somebody should really just pull Jessica Simpson to the side and let her know that maybe talent just isn't her thing. Because, um, nothing she has tried has worked. Nobody buys her albums, her movies suck, she's a complete retard on television, and people would rather pay to see a monkey playing the cymbals than to go see her in concert. At this point, she should just do porn or join the circus, because in five years, the only way Jessica Simpson will be newsworthy is if she kidnapped somebody.

Katie Downes walks the streets in lingerie [Hollywood Tuna]
Madonna wears a robe through airport security [Dlisted]
Jessica Biel takes a lesbian power hike (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Eva Mendes loves a little controversy [Popsugar]
Mariah Carey speaks in tongues [City Rag]
Axl Rose wants to fuck Kelly Osbourne [Hollywood Rag]
Victoria Beckham wants you to smell like her [Just Jared]
Michael Phelps is on tour [Lainey Gossip]
Blake Lively gets leggy for Letterman [Popoholic]
More of Jodie Marsh looking trashy at a movie premiere [Egotastic]
Wonder Woman's huge cameltoe (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Charlize Theron attends and elite toga party [ASL]

Hot ass Jason Statham out to lunch a few days ago:


Photos: Splash

She's also fat. The Daily Mail reports:

Jennifer Lopez has been training hard for a triathlon, and it certainly showed as she arrived at a charity event in Colorado last night. The singer, who gave birth to twins Max and Emme just six months ago, put her slimline figure on display in its glory in a figure-hugging red frock. But it appears the singer forgot to spray deodorant before leaving the house, with unsightly underarm sweat patches proving a distraction from her otherwise immaculate ensemble."

Yeah, I can't wait to see Jennifer Lopez in that triathlon, because apparently she can't walk five feet without sweating like a migrant worker. The only way Jennifer Lopez is gonna win this thing is if the judges somehow manage to count the number of clean plates she got at the buffet. Ooh, look! Brownies!


Photos: Splash

A day after Michael Lohan told the media that Lindsay was being used by her clitoris cleaner, Samantha Ronson, the lesbian duo were so enraged that they wrote a MySpace blog. Oh snap! Ronson says:

SHUT THE F*** UP
Current mood: bullied

i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words... so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life- i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him.

p.s. i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living.... i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else....so I think it's safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all..... written by me..... when does your book come out mr. lohan?"

Lindsay also responded, but we have a strict "one dyke blog per post" policy, so you can read it here if you want. Or not. You get the idea. Michael Lohan is an attention whore. If he ever has another kid, he should be legally required to put it in a box and mail it to a nice wolf family.

Katy Perry's music is kinda lame and she looks like a knockoff Zooey Deschanel, but any chick who gets their boobs plastered on camera is always tolerable. It also helps if they're cool with anal or have a car. Or could help me out with a pre-paid cell phone.

When you're faced with true understated elegance and class, it can take you aback. Just like Jodie Marsh does here at the UK premiere of Daylight Robbery. With her gigantic rack and prison ink, it's obvious she's the Jackie O of her generation. Except with what I presume to be way more areola scarring.


Photos: Splash

You probably don't know who Solange is, but if I say "Beyonce" will that ring a bell? It's not the appointment list at an Atlanta hair and nail salon. Solange is the less famous sibling of Beyonce - of Destiny's Child - the one who's married to Jay-Z. Solange is Beyonce's lesser known sister - the one who got pregnant when she was a teenager and then had a shotgun wedding or something like that ... yeah, you were probably thinking, "Who gives a shit?!?!?" and so was I.

She's trying to sell something and shitting on the people who gave her the time of day:


Good job, Solange! You got corrected by Jason Feinberg. I'm from Vegas and I watch this show while I'm half awake every morning. The guy you're hearing off-camera usually talks about his cats more than he talks about anything else on that show. Solange should just put a picture of her face in the center of bicycle spokes, then call her brand, "Asshole" because that's the only way she'll sell anything without namedropping.

Credit to FOX 5 Vegas and MORE!; Photo credit: Splash

Bonus - Solange and her dumb shoes on TRL yesterday: