Sara Tumble, a former nanny for Heather Mills' daughter, Breatrice, is suing Mills claiming sex discrimination and intimidation. In her suit, Tumble claims Mills forced her to give her naked spray tans and insist that Tumble arrived at work at 7:30am to blow dry Mills' hair. However, a video (above) has hit YouTube under mysterious circumstances that shows Sara Tumble singing the praises of Heather Mills. Why would she be filmed doing this yet is now suing her? Because the only thing missing from this video is a blindfold and a terrorists' list of demands. The Sun reports:

But a close friend of Trumble told a newspaper the 24-year-old is unhappy with the leaked footage, called Sara Trumble: My Story. The source said: "Sara is absolutely fuming about that video. All Heather's staff are ordered to film a 15-minute interview when they join, saying what a wonderful woman she is and how evil the newspapers are. Sara agreed to do it, and didn't think much about it. Heather must have hours of footage of all her staff at home. A few seconds of footage from Sara's interview was stuck together with pictures of the story about her court case, to make it look like she's being interviewed today. Heather was in the room when Sara was filmed."

Of course Heather Mills planted this, because that's what narcissistic megalomaniacs do. I swear, when Heather Mills finally dies it'll be because she was flying to close to the sun.

Here's a half-naked Kelly Brook instead of Heather Mills because I realized I was looking for pictures of a ugly British bitch with one leg. I hope you're okay with that:

Most guys don't like John Mayer's vagina begging music because if you have a BMW or money to buy all the weed and beer, you don't have to keep this kind of crap on your iPod to get college chicks to blow you. So don't be shocked when you don't like Mayer's live cover of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas is You." Say what you want about Mariah's crazy ass, but at least she knows how to sing a Christmas song. When I hear a song about Christmas, I want to think about snow and presents, not playing hacky sack or making my own bong.

Due to several death threats received from groups opposing Scientology and Tom Cruise's portrayal of Nazi officer, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, in his new film Valkyrie, Cruise and his family are reportedly living in fear and are now residing in different locations and only travel in bomb-proof vehicles. The Daily Mail reports:

The Mail on Sunday can reveal that security has been stepped up around Cruise, 46, Holmes, 30, and their two-year-old daughter Suri...Last week Cruise attended the Los Angeles premiere of the movie, which was targeted by protesters from the anti-Scientology group Anonymous. He has been forced to increase security around his family since then. "The threats are perceived to be so great that the FBI has been alerted," said a source. Cruise is due to fly to London for the UK premiere on January 21. "Tom is terrified. He doesn’t feel safe anywhere," the source added. Cruise has spent $10 million on an underground bunker in the grounds of his estate in Colorado. In August, threats were made to place anthrax in the air vents of his Los Angeles office.

Just five years ago, Tom Cruise was one of the world's most beloved movie stars, starring in one critical and commercial hit after another. Now he's gonna get killed because he believes that lotion and Tic Tacs cure autism and that the devil flies around in an intergalactic DC-8 spaceship dropping hydrogen bombs into volcanoes. I can see how some people would have a problem with that. Not a problem, however, is the homeless guys I hunt on my private island. Their signed release of liability forms were designed to protect them just as much as me. I know, I know.. Sometimes I'm guilty of caring too much.

Katie Holmes in Manhattan wearing some questionable shorts:

Britney Spears is a borderline personality and mother of two who a court decided sucked at life so they appointed her father to make sure she didn't attack a car with an umbrella or hold her kids hostage again, so it was only a matter of time before the gentleman callers came calling. Aww yeah, baby! The lucky guy this time is Indian choreographer and Bollywood dance instructor, Sandip Soparrkar (this handsome devil). The pair met at a party thrown by Madonna earlier this year, and Britney liked him so much that she hired him to choreograph her Womanizer video. Then bang him of course. Mirror reports:

Britney, 27, even flew to Jodhpur for a romantic three-day Christmas break with Sandip who is a pin-up in his native India. The couple, who have been dating for three weeks, exchanged homemade pressies under the tree. Our source reveals: "It's early days but their romance is going from strength to strength. Britney and Sandip tried to keep their reunion in India hush-hush as they're determined to have a relationship just like any other couple. Sandip is very down to earth and keeps Britney grounded. He’s also quite spiritual and sensitive, which is a side of him she adores. For Christmas, Sandip – or Sandy as Britney calls him – presented her with a traditional Indian sari. She wore it during a candlelit dinner. The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry. Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute."

Man, this could actually work. Britney wrapped in a sheet that's supposed to be clothes and eating food off other people's plates? Wow. Sounds like Britney just found true love.

When they break up after Britney tries to put curry on this dude's cat, and she will, Britney should totally remake this song. How romantic!

Britney photoshopped in the January 2009 issue of Glamour:

Mickey Rourke is a mortal lock for a Best Actor nomination for his role as a washed up professional wrestler in Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler, but Sean Penn is also considered a strong candidate for his work in Milk, in which he plays, Harvey Milk, California's first openly homosexual public official. Just don't tell Mickey Rourke that. The Daily Beast says:

After his December 23 appearance on David Letterman, Rourke told someone backstage that he was surprised that so many people seemed to think that Penn was his Oscar competition since "I'm not even sure he’ll get a nomination." On December 28, a Los Angeles entertainment honcho shared a text message that Rourke had sent him: "Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i kno" [sic]

Sean Penn is a pretentious douchebag in real life, so this really doesn't come as a surprise. When he's not in the enabling confines of a movie set, he's punching photographers and eating with Hugo Chavez. Sure, he's a good actor, but so are those Geico cavemen. I mean, how did they learn how to speak English and ride motorcycles?! They're cavemen!

Once again, Marisa Tomei topless in The Wrestler. You're welcome, you perverts (NSFW):

Either Katy Perry's fan club has found my email address or you really want to see more pictures of Katy Perry in Mexico. Hey, whatever, man. Calm down. Here she is. This time with more bikini action. Because as we all know, bikinis make everything better. Just like ketchup and roofies.

Some people think that Joe Jonas, the lead singer of the Disney band, The Jonas Brothers, is gay. I don't get that vibe. Especially in this video of one of their concerts when he realizes he just touched a bra then swats it down like King Kong swatting down a plane. That was pretty good thinking. I bet that 13 year old girl laced it with poison or something.

I don't know if Elle MacPherson has trademarked her nickname "The Body" or not, because I can see how that would be sort of embarrassing today. Don't get me wrong, Elle McPherson was hot when I had a CD adapter for the tape deck in my car, but not so much in 2008. If I was a rich dude with a boat, I couldn't see the point of inviting Elle MacPherson on board unless she was going to teach the teen Russian models an effective runway walk. That's it! Work it girls!