Natalie Portman Is Down


Nerd fantasy Natalie Portman attended the NYC premiere of Brothers on Sunday and I have to admit, she looked kinda hot. That's good news, because she was one of the first to sign the Free Roman Polanski petition. That means she's cool. So you don't have to worry about her snitching to the police when you drug her and sodomize her against her will. Because she knows what it means when chicks scream and plead for you to stop. They're just getting turned on baby!! Aww yeah!!

Carrie Underwood Is My Apology


I have no idea why I didn't post these pictures of Carrie Underwood performing at the AMAs yesterday, but here they are to make up for the parade of ugly that has gripped the site for far too long. Damn, this little bitch is hot. Not that anybody cares, but there's this waitress at MoJoe's that looks exactly like Carrie Underwood but with brown hair. And no I'm not saying that just so I can get a free chicken wrap! How dare you suggest such a thing?!

Madam Lambert Is Butthurt, Figuratively This Time


When you have a gay date rape orgy live on stage during a family programming timeslot, people might be a little offended. Not because they refuse to recognize and bow down to the power of your comical flamboyant gayness, but because a 3rd grader doesn't need to see your boyfriend go down on you before his bedtime. Access Hollywood reports:
“You know honestly, if I offended some people… it’s apples and oranges. I’m not an artist that does things for every single person,” Adam told Access’ Shaun backstage following his racy performance of “For Your Entertainment,” where he simulated fellatio with a male dancer and kissed male keyboardist Tommy Ratliff, who is straight. “I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song, and those lyrics aren’t really for everybody either,” he continued. And before his performance was edited, he told Access the thought of changing what happened on stage for the other half of the country would be a double standard. “If it’s edited, that’s discrimination,” Adam said. “I will be a little disappointed because there is a little bit of discrimination going in this country. There’s a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I’m a male, and I’ll be edited and discriminated against could be a problem.” The singer did admit that an edited down performance would not shock him. “I’m not going to be surprised that they edit it,” he continued. “People are scared and it’s really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up and enjoy things, it’s all for a laugh, it’s really not that big of a deal.” Adam said he’s only trying to add a little shock to his show – something many before him have done. “Shock is fun, shock rock is like something that existed, for example, like in the 70’s, Alice Cooper…David Bowie, you had artists that liked to push the envelope and that’s what made them so fresh,” he explained. “Prince for example, wore a**less chaps one year…I think that surprise is part of entertainment. I think that it keeps people watching its fun, it makes you laugh and it should be that way. And if it made you uncomfortable, maybe I’m not for you.”

Alice Cooper and David Bowie were both bisexual, and David Bowie would dress up like Jem to go drop off his laundry, but nobody ever thought of them as anything other than rockstars. Say what you want about Madonna's "singing" and the fact she owes her entire career to talented producers, but she has never and never will give a fuck what you think. Prince is one of the most talented, prolific artists of the last hundred years, but he dresses like a gay cruise Peter Pan yet he pulls out of more hot, exotic ass than a Marine on shore leave. So maybe instead of whining and stamping your feet when people are actually shocked by what you wanted to shock them with, how about just not caring. People may respect you more. That's why people respect me. I actually think it has more to do with my Camaro and my tribal armband tattoos, but I can't help why people love me so much.

I couldn't find any more pictures of Adam Lambert's performance, so I thought I'd post some pictures that he might like:

Crossfit Is Paying Off


Kelly Clarkson was on the cover of the September 2009 issue of Self Magazine where she said "My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more." These days, the play part means golf ("I love it!") as well as Crossfit workouts. "It's like bootcamp!" she says of the regimen that includes sit-ups, squats and running. "You never work out more than 35 minutes, but it's so intense … It makes me feel like G.I. Jane. It's very empowering. I feel like I can whup ass!". And you can totally tell it's been working, because look at her last night at the AMAs. She looks amazing! Especially since I guess "whup ass" means "swallow a whole fudge baked turkey". Jesus, you'd have to teleport with a fly to like sweets as much as this beast.

Oh Hai There Sexy


Lady Gaga performed it's new single at the AMAs last night and it managed to get in about forty costume changes. It worked too, because nobody could deny it's flawless beauty. It really rocked the crowd and the best part is when it said it's tits come with a side of bacon and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice! Everybody loves bacon!!

New Moon


In case you don't put puffy stickers on your notebook or draw unicorns, you watched the Bears/Eagles game last night and saw Bears' WR/KR Devin Hester get his pants pulled down. If I'm not mistaken, this is the first time that this has happened during a live NFL game. But I've been mistaken before. Apparently acid wash jeans and Red Camels aren't appropriate for a first date. Well, excuse me Miss Project Runway, maybe one day you'll learn to judge a man by what's in his heart and not what he wears. Whatever, it's your loss. I guess the pina colada air freshener I just put in my Ford Focus will be enjoyed by another lucky lady.

Click on confused George Bush to see the still. You know, if you're into that sort of thing:

Sofia Vergara Should Attend Everything


It's apparently Latino Day on IDLYITW, so to keep the Goya flowin, here's Sofia Vergara at the AMAs. Christ, her body looks like some comic book warrior princess who enslaves a crash-landed astronaut and forces him to repopulate her dying planet (BAM and BAM). I swear if I ever saw her walking down the street my penis would jump off and try to hump her leg. Bad boy! Bad!



Sofia Vergara in a bikini because I am a loving and giving God:

Why Yes Ma'am, Don't Mind If I Do


Shakira performed something at the AMAs last night, and I have no idea what it was, mostly because I was too busy staring at her hot ass. I'll probably hear the song eventually at Mi Casita. That's if I go back there. Apparently they're too good to accept rolls of pennies. I'm a big Internet celebrity!! Don't you know who I am??!!