I really hope Jennifer Lopez didn't mix her Cenestin up with her Boniva last night, because when she was performing her new bargain bin single, Louboutins, at the 2009 American Music Awards and fell on her ass (at the 2:44 mark). That had to be embarrassing. Especially since her backup dancers had to do three cycles of P90X to lift her up. Man, did anybody do anything that resembled an actual performance last night? The producers could have had an elephant in a propeller hat riding a tricycle and it would have been, at worst, the second best thing you saw all night.

In that wannabe Freddy Mercury screeching shit he does that's supposed to be singing, Adam Lambert performed his song about gay date rape on the American Music Awards tonight. Wow, this guy is a fag. And I don't mean "fag" like I did in the 7th grade. I would pick Rainbow Brite and the Berries and Cream lad for my kickball team before I picked this prancing gaywad. I swear, I fully expected to see Peter Pan and He-Man show up on stage in mesh halter tops and ball gags, but maybe they got scared because his voice sounds like a bag of Christmas puppies being set on fire. It's common knowledge that gay men prefer white tiger cubs.

Kelly Brook turns 30 tomorrow and in case you were wondering, so does her magical 32E rack. Kelly Brook's body is how all other women's bodies should be judged, and you have my word, as President, I will make sure the forced labor camps will have all the comforts of home for any woman who doesn't. I mean, there's no reason I have to be a dick about it.



Kelly Brook in the greatest unintentional soft porn of all time, Survival Island:



And since this site is a LBGT community forum now, here's Kelly Brook in a Pepsi Max ad:



And of course, the greatest Kelly Brook pictures of all time:

AnnaLynne McCord showed up to the 3rd Annual CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute last night, and can't we just admit that trying to make her a sex symbol was a mistake? The Flock of Seagulls hair aside, I'm not really sure how you can be considered hot if you need to hire guys standing outside Home Depot to trowel on your makeup because your face looks like a Chinese checkerboard or if you forget to buy some replacement blades for your Venus Vibrance-Gillette. I don't know how to make this much clearer, but I've seen hotter pieces of ass in a burn ward.

Who in the hell knows why, but Jennifer Lopez has a new album coming out and this is her first single, Louboutins. Yes, the shoes. She's singing a song about shoes. I have no idea who told her this was a good idea, but a 40-year old Puerto Rican lady singing about how she's gonna walk out on her man in designer shoes doesn't make much sense to me. If this was called "Are you gellin?'" or "Dr. Scholl's® Liquid Corn/Callus Removers" I think this song might resonate more with the only people who listen to this crap whenever they have one of their parades.

I just downloaded GIMP's new time machine plug-in, so I was able to find some pictures of what Jennifer Lopez wished she looked like now:

Miley Cyrus' tour was scheduled to stop in Greensboro, NC tonight, and apparently NC heard about this so it caused her bus to crash, killing the driver and injuring nine others. National Enquirer reports:

Virginia State Police confirm one person was killed when a tour bus belonging to Miley Cyrus overturned. The 16-year-old Hannah Montana star was not on board. Sgt. Thomas Molnar says the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. Friday on Interstate 85 in Dinwiddie, about 40 miles south of Richmond. The bus driver was killed and nine others were injured. Miley was in the fourth bus in the caravan . Members of her lighting crew are believed to have been on the deadly bus. The pop princess was scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, NC according to Miley's web site.

I really hope the Cyrus family loads a PODS full of gold and precious jewels to deliver to this guy's family, because I can imagine an obituary that reads "tour bus driver for Miley Cyrus" isn't it's own reward.

Reporter Wayne Convil is being told:



NOTE: Hi everyone, I appreciate the emails and comments, but I don't know if you've picked up on this or not, but this site is intended to be sarcastic. This includes the headlines. I'm not sure why I have to even point that fact out, but if I believed half the crap I wrote on here I clearly would be insane, so when you visit this site, take it for what it is. Some idiot who can't spell writing about celebrities. And sometimes about your mom. If you see her on Thanksgiving, do me a favor and let her know that me having an unlimited data plan doesn't mean she can send me picture texts every time she ruins a pair of panties. It was cute the first few times, but I have to be honest, it's getting a little annoying. Have you considered buying her a puppy?

As threatened, VPCILF Sarah Palin's daughter's baby daddy, Levi Johnston, posed for Playgirl and here is the first image that has hit online. Details and Playgirl are basically gay porn now, so I hope he didn't think that a million college girls and horny housewives would be sending him letters with perfume and wet panties. In a more realistic scenario, Leon at Jazzy Hair Designs will be unbuttoning his satin hot pants while he's waiting for your mom's color to set.

I have no idea why I'm not gay, because if I was I could be chillin on the couch while Miranda Kerr prances around in her bra and panties and throws her legs on me backstage at the 2009 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I could probably get away with it for a while, but it might get a little awkward when I turn into Multiple Miggs at some point.