And, based on these photos, probably back problems. Click the banner (NSFW) for a year's worth of cookie cravings.

I realize that this is supposed to be a celebrity gossip site, but according to Google, it's also a place to look at titties. And thanks to Alice Goodwin and Sammy Fraddy, there's enough titties in this post to make a Titty Mountain that Haitian babies can climb and not go hungry. Or enough titties to question my recent conversion to an ass man. DAMN YOU, TITTIES!!

CLICK ON THE BANNERS (NSFW) TO GET 100% OF YOUR DAILY TITTY VALUE

You ever heard that story of the mother who lifted up the corner of a car because her baby was trapped underneath it? Now replace "the mother" with "Todd's penis".

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC (NSFW) TO SEE WHY YOU SHOULD HATE 2012.

Since England can't even beat America at soccer (football is played Fri-Sunday in the fall, soccer is played by frolicking lads in shorts), I hope these pictures of Alice Goodwin and her damn near perfect rack will help you get through this crushing defeat. Which reminds me, Alice Goodwin has no discernible talent except taking off her shirt. Yet she's famous and on the cover of magazines. So if you're reading this, and your bras can only get to B in the alphabet, you might want to consider implants. No, no, I'm sure you're a beautiful person and everyone loves the scrapbooks of your cats, but seriously get implants. If you walk into a bar with anything less, you'll be like Michael J. Fox trying to find a beer pong partner or a black guy signing up for Mathletes. Sure, you may get to live your dream eventually, just please know that you'll be waiting a while.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. CLICK THE BANNER PIC.

I have no idea why haven't moved to England yet, because goddamn. I said goddamn.

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC (NSFW) FOR THE MOST INSANE RACK YOU'LL SEE ALL DAY