I have no idea what the Art Of Elysium Event is, but apparently it's pretty popular because the 3rd Annual Art Of Elysium Event was this weekend. I just want to know who is responsible for sending out the invitations for this thing, because apparently he's read my penis' diary.

Minka Kelly is reportedly engaged to New York Yankees' shortstop Derek Jeter, so not only does she have bad taste, she's probably asked a doctor about "future outbreaks".



Katy Perry showed up with her boyfriend, Russell Brand, and I really hope he remembered to leave the Hefty Cinch Sak of cocaine he brought in his car. Based on these pictures, he probably wouldn't have enough left to share with everybody else.



I would bang Olivia Wilde in the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese, so the fact that she wears tight dresses is kind of a plus. She could wear a jean skirt, Jellies, and a propeller hat and the first time we had sex would still involve me crying and apologizing.



Sometimes Amber Heard looks hot and sometimes she looks like a transvestite, so it's hard to reconcile the feelings I have for her. I'm not sure if I should go down on her or ask her if she thinks Darelle Revis is the key to the Jets' attacking defense.



Camille Bell scored big when she was the only one who showed up in a dress designed by Me! Me! Everybody Look At Me!!



Rachel Bilson isn't really all that hot and she's also flat-chested, so she's only on here because pageviews are important to me. Wait, did I say pageviews? I meant representing all types of beauty so you, the reader, can start an open dialogue about the media's manipulation of young women's impressionable minds by forcing them to strive for an unattainable level of beauty. Yeah, that.



I have yet to see anything in Hollywood more freakin cute and adorable than Sophia Bush. She's like a koala holding the Snuggle Fresh teddy bear on a seesaw. You know, except with a way more accommodating vagina.

I usually think Amber Heard is a hot piece of ass, but what's the deal with the makeup? It looks like she put in on with that thing Homer Simpson made. Don't get me wrong, she's hot, but she looks like a dominatrix that got her degree online.

Amber Heard is insanely hot and according to her interview in FHM, she likes tequila, horror movies, and nudity. What a coincidence, that's just what my eHarmony profile says under "Looking For"! Why spend hours browsing through personal ads and searching the Internet when you don't have to? By being prescreened on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, you too can find love online!! Just ask Tanyalee and Joshua!!

Amber Heard should really be on here more because she's hot (really hot in All The Boys Love Mandy Lane) and likes to get naked and I'm a big proponent of that. In my senior thesis entitled, "Hot Girls Who Like To Get Naked: I'm A Big Proponent of That", and since women should solely be judged by their racks, I go into great detail discussing women's diffidence and self-actualization based on extensive field research and several comparison matrices.

Note: Excerpts from my thesis can be found here and here.

Amber at The Stepfather premiere:

The above Amber Heard topless screen cap is actually from The Informers. There is video. [Egotastic]

Kelly McGillis: ...is a lesbian. She's come out. Let's look at naked pictures of her. [CityRag]

Did Jessica Simpson and John Mayer go on a lunch date? [LaineyGossip]

Kim Kardashian has a Life & Style photoshoot where she didn't have her bikini bod digitally altered. Are you ready for the reality? Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Miss Peru 2003 has learned that Peruvians are big fans of upskirt videos. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Swine Flu cut the Pratt's honeymoon short, but Heidi does look hotter when she covers up that big mouth. [ImNotObsessed]

Leighton Meester did a spread for Cosmo, and ya'll can hate on Gossip Girl all you want, bitch is smokin' hot. [ICYDK]

Sacha Baron Cohen got Paula Abdul. It's Nice, or whatever the new catchphrase for Brüno is going to be. [FatBackMedia]

Amber Heard is in a movie called The Informers (fun fact: it was Brad Renfro's last film), based on a series of short stories by Bret Easton Ellis, the guy that wrote American Psycho. The Informers premiered at Sundance, where we got this nice Amber Heard photocall, then shot off into mild obscurity when most reviewers labeled it as suck.

So, why are we going to see it? I think /Film's 15 word review of The Informers really sets it up:

Spoiled Rich kids. Drugs. Sex. Amber Heard naked. Aids. Infidelity. Kidnapping. Unconnected. Boring. Uninteresting. Horrible.

I stopped reading after "Amber Heard naked." Did they say it was good?