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Kevin Federline had a minor heart attack [The Blemish]
Stacey Poole will have back problems someday [Zoo Today]
Doutzen Kroes is pretty [Coed Magazine]
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J-Woww channeling the Joker [I'm Not Obsessed]
Alessandra Ambrosio is still pregnant [Moe Jackson]
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Oh, Brad you sly dog! Having unprotected sex with the woman you've been in a committed relationship with for six years! Hahaha, you're still full of surprises, bro! OK Magazine reports:

Lately, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have dropped some none-too-subtle hints that they'd like to add to their brood of six children. The smart money seemed to be on adoption — though Angelina did say recently, "I could end up pregnant." Turns out she wasn't toying with us: A source close to the Oscar-winner reveals that Angelina is expecting her seventh child and telling friends she can't wait to be a mom again. "She's almost three months along," the source confirms to OK!. "It's not something she wants to officially announce but she's at a point where she is telling a select group of people." Adds an insider: Angelina is really savoring every moment. she's having a tough time with morning sickness but says it's all worth it."

Let me preface this by saying that this is OK! reporting this, so take it however you want. They reported that Jon Benet Ramsey was pregnant with twins and I had a really big penis once, so they have a well documented history of just making shit up. That being said, if it's true, fuck you Brad Pitt.

Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The "you're getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home" look.

The Oscars' half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you'd imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I'm pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here's who won:

Best Motion Picture - Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director - Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:



George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I'm Dating George Clooney Don't Know If You Heard:



Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:



Gerard Butler and oh look Jess' ovaries just dropped and she's knitting something now:



Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:



Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I'm sleepy :



Salma Hayek and Siri what's Spanish for "motorboat"?:



Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that's right tits:

As Paul Mooney once said, Angelina Jolie could bring a live chicken home and say she adopted it and Brad Pitt would jump up and say, "Come here, chicken! I'm your new daddy!". And this is one of the reasons why. For his 48th birthday, she bought him a waterfall. A WATERFALL.Us Magazine reports:

The In the Land of Blood and Honey director, 36, purchased a waterfall in California for longtime love Brad Pitt, according to The Daily Mail. The grand gesture served as both Pitt's 48th birthday and Christmas presents. Pitt, who has six children with Jolie, is planning to build a house over the waterfall inspired by his favorite American architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. "Brad has dreamed of a home with the sound of a waterfall cascading under the house," a source tells the site. "He wants to pull all aspects of nature, light, glass and varying levels into the concept." "Angelina wanted to get him something incredibly special and, because she knows how much he loves architecture, she thought this would be perfect," a source tells The Daily Mail. "This is the present to top all presents."

It's already been well-documented that Angelina will fuck you anywhere at anytime and she might even ask one of her chick friends to join in. Now after that, instead of getting a sandwich, you get a fucking waterfall. Step your game up, ladies.

Well, this is one explanation for all those adoptions. You know, aside from the PR and photo ops to rehab her "husband stealing, blood wearing, drug addled" former image. Us Weekly reports:

n the January issue of Marie Claire, Angelina Jolie, 36, says she's open to expanding her brood of six with partner Brad Pitt, 47. "Nothing planned at the moment, but we just don't know," the Oscar winner says. "I could end up pregnant."

Other than falling asleep on a park bench, how do you just "end up" pregnant? If you're having sex with Brad Pitt, you don't "end up" pregnant. You lie and tell him you're already pregnant so he doesn't get all huffy about using a condom, then he gets you pregnant so you can trap him into never leaving you. Seriously, they taught this in health class the day after they showed us Faces of Meth.

Natural selection is real. Us Weekly reports:

Prior to her current, globe-trotting wife as an actress, humanitarian, mother of six and longtime partner to Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie first became a household name as a weird, risk-taking Hollywood hottie. Now 36, the star (whose directorial and screenwriting debut In the Land of Blood and Honey is out in December) says that the much-parodied darkness of her earlier years was very real -- and very scary. "I went through heavier, darker times and I survived them. I didn't die young," Jolie tells 60 Minutes' Bob Simon in a new interview airing Sunday. "So I am very lucky. There are other artists and people that didn't survive certain things," adds the Oscar winner. Daredevil Jolie -- who infamously smooched her brother James Haven at the Oscars, kept a vial of blood of hubby Billy Bob Thornton's around her neck, amid other pre-Brad shenanigans -- failed to elaborate how she might have died young. But, she teases to Simon: "People can imagine that I did the most dangerous, and I did the worst. . . for many reasons, I shouldn't be here…You just. . . too many times where you came close to too many dangerous things, too many chances taken too, too far." Not that she's completely reformed, of course. "I'm still a bad girl," Jolie insists. "I still have that side of me. . . it's just in its place now. . . it belongs to Brad--or our adventures," she gushes of Pitt, 47, her man since 2005.

Angelina Jolie survived playing with knives, fucking unattractive people (google "Jenny Shimizu"), maybesortakinda committing minor acts of incest, and being whispered about doing heroin. If she doesn't live for another 50 years, chances are Jennifer Aniston misinterpreted the headline to this.

So, this is Lara Marsden. Lara Marsden is Brad Pitt's personal assistant on World War Z. Here's more of her MySpace pics. According to tabloids, Lara is apparently "very friendly" with Pitt, so of course that means they're fucking. I mean, why wouldn't they? Pitt is basically married to one of the most beautiful women to have ever walked the earth, has six children, and just bought a mansion in France where they all could live. So why wouldn't he fuck the chick who brings him his coffee and posts pics on MySpace of her doing flips in her kitchen? It makes perfect sense when you think about it.

This should unwreck a few homes, I think. ABC News reports:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are donating $500,000 from their foundation to help Joplin rebuild from the deadly tornado that struck the southwest Missouri town last month. The Community Foundation of the Ozarks says the gift from the Jolie-Pitt Foundation will go to mid- and long-term needs in the tornado-ravaged city. The Community Foundation announced the gift Friday in a news release. Pitt grew up in southwest Missouri and says in the release that he spent much of his childhood in the area and knows the people to be "especially resilient." The May 22 tornado destroyed more than 8,000 homes and 400 businesses. The death toll was 151 as of Friday, including several victims who died as a result of injuries suffered in the storm.

Wow, pretty much another day in the life of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. When asked for comment, Jennifer Aniston said, "Hey, did you hear I won an award from Spike? Yeah, and I'm totally dating Justin Theroux. Justin Theroux. You know him. He was in that one movie. Yeah, him. Yep, we're pretty serious now. Pretty serious. I usually don't like to talk about my private life. I normally wait until a guy I like shows up at a place I'm at until I get my publicist to release a statement saying a source claims we're dating, but I think he's the one. I really do. In fact I just texted him to tell him I love him like two minutes ago. Haha, I totally did! We're just like that with each other. But he hasn't responded yet. I should probably drive to his house to see if he's okay. I mean, it's been like three minutes now. What if he's dead? Should I drive over there? I should probably drive over there. I had a key made when he was out of town last week in case of emergencies like this. Oh my God, it's been like four minutes now. He's probably been kidnapped and is being held for ransom. Ok, I gotta go. I'll just keep calling until I get there. Wait, what if it's a coyote? Should I call the police to meet me there? I should shouldn't I?"