Radar Online has found long lost modeling photos of Angelina Jolie when she was a 16-year old model with the Finesse Model Management agency. And just to revisit this post, you now have a visual of what this dude was banging. I'm not even sure a judge would prosecute you if he saw this walk in the courtroom. In a more likely scenario, the courtroom doors would close behind you and a disco ball would drop from the ceiling then the judge would plug in his iPod and start making margaritas.

If you were dating some chick and her 16-year old daughter looked like the banner picture, you'd hit it right? Of course you would. The Sun reports:

Controversial writer ANDREW MORTON alleges that the star slept with MARCHELINE BERTRAND'S live-in lover when she was just 16. Angelina was devastated when her mother died of cancer, in 2007, at the age of 56. Reports in Now magazine claim that the two women struggled to rebuild their relationship after the Changeling star confessed to the night of passion. "Marcheline had a live-in boyfriend whom she was very much in love with, but Ange slept with him when she was 16 and barely out of school," said a source. "Her mother found out and ended her relationship with the man. "When Ange admitted the story to her brother JAMES just a few weeks ago, even he turned on her. She has hardly anyone left in life who likes or trusts her."

Seriously, can you blame this guy? He was banging Angelina Jolie before she had more dicks inside her than a frat house. He was like the settlers coming to the New World or the discovery of Australopithecus. You know, except with way bigger tits.

Bitter, scorned women everywhere are tossing their Haagen-Dazs in the air and high-fiving each other today, because The Daily Mail is reporting that Brad Pitt's relationship with Angelina Jolie is falling apart and to console himself, he's running back to Aniston.

Brad Pitt is said to have held a secret meeting with his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston during a recent trip to New York. The pair, who ended their five-year marriage in 2005, met up at a hotel in the city for an hour where Brad unloaded his emotional baggage, according to Grazia magazine. The Hollywood star allegedly told Aniston about his relationship problems with Angelina Jolie, whom he hooked up with after walking out on the Friends actress. It comes amid reports that Brad and Jennifer are in regular phone contact and - if true - their latest encounter marks their second private meeting together in the Big Apple this year. A source told Grazia that Jennifer agreed to visit Brad in his suite at the Essex House hotel, next to Central Park. 'She arrived at his hotel suite a matter of hours after they had spoken. Brad was unloading his emotional baggage on Jen, which isn't exactly fair considering their history.' But the source added: 'She was quick to tell him she wanted no part in his break-up with Angelina.' At first she was reported to be reluctant to meet with her former husband.
But the magazine alleges Brad got his mother Jane - who is famously still close to Jen - to persuade her to meet with him and give some advice. It comes amid claims that his four-year relationship with Angelina has hit the rocks.

To reiterate, Brad Pitt has been banging Angelina Jolie for four years. Angelina. Jolie. I'm surprised his penis didn't walk in that room and take a hostage. And I can't speak for lonely women, but taking back the guy who cheated on you is kinda pathetic. Even if he is an A-list actor or has a fancy job at Nortel. Ooh la la.

While on set of her new movie with Gerard Butler, The Bounty, Jennifer Aniston was caught crying in her trailer. And you'll never guess why!! I was so shocked!!! New York Post reports:

The unlucky-in-love actress was late coming out of her trailer while filming "The Bounty" with Gerard Butler a few weeks ago. The source tells Page Six that when an assistant went to fetch Aniston, she was in tears, and said, "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me." Aniston pulled herself together and managed to put on a smile when she eventually emerged from her trailer. The insider added, "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile."

Due to their deep psychic and emotional love connection, Brad Pitt felt a disturbance in the soul of his one true love so he rushed to the set to console her and sweep her in his arms. And by that I mean he put his penis in Angelina Jolie:

Meanwhile, Pitt's looking to buy property surrounding his and Angelina Jolie's French estate, Chateau Miraval, to build an airport so the family can fly in and out unseen by paparazzi. Brangelina plunked down $60 million for the 1,000-acre estate in the South of France, which features 35 bedrooms, a vineyard, lake, forest and a moat. A source said, "One thing he loves about the estate is the privacy it affords. Nobody can get near it. So with Angelina completing her pilot's license, their own airstrip would give them total freedom to come and go."

My dentist reads this site, and some of the ladies in his office are gonna give me hell for this next week, but seriously Jennifer. Get over it. It's been four years. Shark attack victims have a faster recovery time than you. Every time I get a chick pregnant then tell her that I'm going to the store to get some bread then don't come back, it reminds me of my dad. But you don't see me crying about it.

I think Jennifer Aniston really needs to ask Propecia the Crack Ho how to get over this (NSFW language):



Jennifer Aniston at the premiere of her newest blockbuster, Love Happens. Wait, $9M in five days is a blockbuster, right? Oh, wait. :

As you already know, a lot of actors star in commercials for overseas companies because if you want an extra Gulfstream to carry your dogs around on vacation, the Japanese will pay you like $2M to pimp watches or banks. Like Brad Pitt is doing here for Softbank. Usually anything on Japanese television is sheer, unadulterated insanity, so prepare to be disappointed. I didn't really know what a Sumo wrestler and Brad Pitt riding on tricycles with a Komodo dragon on their heads trying to eat the most marshmallows in the allotted time had to do with a bank, but I fully expecting to see that.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attended the Los Angeles premiere of Inglorious Basterds at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood yesterday, and holy shit Angelina looked fantastic. Seriously, if these pictures don't give you a raging hard on, you might want to have somebody check your pulse. Because there's a good chance you've been bitten by a zombie.

The latest sculpture from artist Daniel Edwards, Landmark for Breastfeeding, shows a naked Angelina Jolie breastfeeding two infants. I don't want to start anything here, and I appreciate the effort, but if Daniel Edwards wanted me to jack off to Angelina Jolie, all he had to do was say so.

This may come as a complete shock I know, but Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated $1 million to help with the relief aid of the misplaced people of Pakistan. Us Magazine reports:

The head of the agency, António Guterres, thanked the Jolie-Pitt Foundation for the generous donation, calling Pakistan's plight "the most challenging humanitarian crisis of the past decade." (More than 2 million people are currently displaced in the country.) Since becoming a goodwill ambassador for the agency in 2001, Jolie has visited refugees in Pakistan three times. (She took Pitt with her on a 2005 trip.)

In other news, Jennifer Aniston bought new collars for her cats. They sparkle! Imagine that, they sparkle!