My obsession with Ashley Greene is reaching damn near crisis levels, so I really wish she would have the decency to let me know she was a attending a Tim Burton tribute at the Museum of Modern Art Film Benefit last night. Excuse me, little miss Twilight, but my time is valuable to me. I feel like the time I spent going through your trashcan and trying to pick your lock last night could have been better served by intimate conversation and perhaps hiding in your back seat. Open communication is important to me. Is that too much to ask?!

Piece of ass Ashley Greene attended the premiere of New Moon last night, the sequel about the effeminate vampire's fag hag and her love triangle with him and a werewolf. How romantic. Ashley Greene is in the movie but we have to stare at Kristen Stewart's downs face for two hours. They should have spent more CGI on that, because if they expect me to believe that two supernatural male models would be fighting over the heart of a chick who looks like she should be passing out flyers on campus about recycling, then they might want to up their budget.

I'm not sure what the hell was going on for Halloween this year, but dear God it was boring. The McCord Sisters of Eastwick probably left the house thinking they were hot, but that would only happen if they had been literally set on fire. Ashley Greene can't wait to get in a bikini or naked (NSFW) every other day of the year so it's a little surprising that she dressed up as a peacock cocktail waitress. Seriously, how am I supposed to masturbate to this? I mean, I've done it to Animal Planet before, but my therapist says that it can be healthy. I think he might be just saying that. Blake Lively is one of hottest pieces on television right now, but she looks like something in one of my grandpa's magazines. Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox (?) went as a some sort of vampire Bonnie and Clyde. I'm not sure why vampires would need inaccurate automatic weapons to rob a bank, but then again, I wasn't high when I picked out my costume. The usually smoking hot Jessica Alba went as a lost Mexican child who never stops asking questions, and although I appreciate her bending over, how am I supposed to guess what's in her backpack? How should I know?! You packed the fucking thing !!

As far as I can tell, Ashley Greene has never been on this site before. Mostly because I just found out that she's in that movie with the effeminate vampires who sparkle, but I guess I can forgive her since she takes pictures like this. And she can fall in love with me because I take pictures of butterflies on daisies and bear cubs playing patty cake. I'm so sensitive!