Because at least one person in the fashion industry isn't a raging homosexual, Ashley Greene is now the face of DKNY, and here she is at Macy's Herald Square in NYC posing for pictures and signing autographs. She seems really friendly and engaging here, so I hope she loosened up and felt comfortable telling strangers about us. And how we're getting married and how many kids were going to have. Two, we're having two. One boy and one girl. And we're getting a chocolate lab puppy and the children will play with puppy in our backyard and then maybe the girl will want to take karate instead of ballet and I'll teach the boy to play basketball or chess or whatever he's into because we don't want our kids to be afraid to express themselves and be who they are and then I lick her vagina at some point in this story. I don't know. I'm sure she had a lot to talk about.

Fuck your razor, here's Ashley Greene and her hot ass leaving a waxing salon in North Hollywood yesterday. Not to beat a dead horse, but I want to see those heels upside down.

I don't know what the "Louder Than Love" event it, but since Ashley Greene showed up I guess I should do some research online so we'll more to talk about than how I'm totally within the 50 yard radius oh quit being like that how long are we going to play the silly game?

btw, "Louder Than Love" is not to be confused with the first track on the Todd + Ashley Mixtape Vol. 5

I really wasn't expecting leather and lace until our honeymoon, but Ashley Greene is just so full of surprises in our relationship (like the time she's dating somebody else right now), that she wore it last night to the People's Choice Awards. And by "people" they mean "13-year old girls". But that doesn't really matter because the whole point of this post is that Ashley gladly smiled for pictures and her nipples gladly smiled with her. If I can be totally honest here, I think I'm really close to being able to get her pregnant with my mind.

The imaginary sexual relationship I have with Ashley Greene is wonderful and very fulfilling emotionally. We just let each other do our own thing and at the same time we remain supportive of each other and enjoy the time we have together in ten minute intervals. Well, fifteen minutes if I have just woken up. It takes me a little longer in the morning.

Ashley Greene has a new serious boyfriend again, so she's kicking her roommate out so the dude can move in. Oh, her roommate is her brother. inTouch reports:

After months of saying they were just friends, Broadway’s Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark star Reeve Carney, 28, and Twilight’s Ashley Greene were spotted making out in front of a crowd at NYC’s Rockefeller Center tree lighting on November 30. And the day before Thanksgiving, the duo engaged in lots of PDA at Virgil’s Real BBQ in Times Square. “They were all over each other and were talking about how great it would be to get a place together,” says a witness to In Touch. “It sounds like it’s already very serious.” A friend reveals Ashley, 24, recently asked her roommate and brother Joe to move out so Reeve can move in! Spidey himself couldn’t move any faster!

The prospect of her having in-house dick is thicker than family I guess, so I'm really glad we're not dating. That's too much pressure. I mean, she would be wanting to have sex like once a week or something crazy like that. WHAT AM I A MACHINE???!!!

Because what the fuck else is she gonna do, Ashley Greene has agreed to do a four episode arc on ABC's Man Men knockoff, Pan Am. It takes place in the 1960's and "focuses on the pilots and stewardesses of the airline as it operated at the beginning of the commercial jet age." I just wish I could go back in time and spend some quality time getting to know her. Mostly because forensic and DNA evidence wasn't that sophisticated back then.

Unless somebody dies or Usher gets Justin Bieber pregnant finally, this week is gonna be boring. Which is works out for me because I get to post pics of Ashley Greene in the November 2011 issue of Esquire Mexico. I don't know what any of these words say, but I assume it's how much she loves me and how she can't wait until we have babies that we can sell and split the money because millionaire celebrities like adopting brown babies. We can rub dirt on its face and wrap him up in one of my t-shirts. You know, just to play it up the whole sympathy thing. I have other things we can do that I was gonna tell you about, but I have it saved on a PowerPoint presentation on my other computer. Sorry.