I was going to post this yesterday, then I realized I was editing pics of Ashley Tisdale in a bikini so I stopped. Anyway, here she is in Miami. That might be a good place for Disney to start their literal Parade Of Whores. It has a tropical monsoon climate that encourages people to go outdoors.

When you're 26 and play the ugly one in a bunch of shitty Disney Channel musicals about high school, you probably think you could walk around Beverly Hills completely unnoticed while the paparazzi run over you to take pictures of actual beautiful celebrities. And understandably so. Because, let's be honest here, it's Ashley Tisdale. She could fall into a vat of chemicals or get set on fire then show up to the set the next day and everybody would only think to ask if she'd done something different with her hair.

Along with Miranda Cosgrove and Miley Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale forms the unholy triumvirate of fug of Disney whores. It must be difficult to compete with the hot teen ass in various stages of legal like Victoria Justice, Selena Gomez, and AJ Michalka, so Ashley Tisdale got naked for Allure. So if you've wanted to see this chick's ass, click on the banner pic (NSFW). Or don't. God! I can't live your life for you, man!

Disney turns out more teen whores than an abstinence only education class, so here's Ashley Tisdale at Wet Republic in Vegas this weekend riding some dude in the pool. Awesome. Whatever. I just want to know why the Bears haven't asked Julius Peppers to play left tackle yet. There was more sacks in that game last night than an Adam Lambert oil painting. At one point I thought Jay Cutler was partially buried.

Note: Not that any of you care, but as you might have noticed, Molly covered for me on Thursday and Friday because apparently my gall bladder got his dates mixed up and thought PRIDE week was last week and decided to come out to friends and family. On the brightside, I'm on pain meds that they would pass out in a Civil War field hospital, so this week should be interesting.

High School Musical star and hair weave enthusiast Ashley Tisdale is in Mexico right now. Coincidentally, my penis is asleep right now. This is how she looked before all the plastic surgery and the blonde hair she bought from Sweden, but even with all that she's still mind-numbingly boring. I mean, I'd fuck her I guess, but only if Iron Chef was a repeat.

Let's be clear here, High School Musical star, Ashley Tisdale is really freakin ugly, so try to contain yourself when you look at these pictures of her in Hawaii. Anybody looks good in a bikini with their ass in the air. Not to brag, but how do you think I put myself through college?

Ashley Tisdale and her dark hair are running, running, running away from the blonde Disney pop-star cookie-cutter as fast and quietly as possible before the giant black hole of Disney and Mickey Mouse's slave-driving hand crashes down on top of her career like that giant wave on George Clooney in The Perfect Storm.

Tisdale is filming a video for her new single "It's Alright, It's Okay" off her album Guilty Pleasure.

No one really knows who that dude is, or at least they are ready to refer to him as the "mystery man," though maybe he's just one of those guys who pretends to play music insturments for music videos. I used to be one of those guys. I was an auxiliary percussionist and my job mostly consisted of getting REALLY into playing an egg-shaker.

Yeah. Those were the days of drug, sex and egg-shaking. Now the closest I am to shaking eggs are pushing premature labors from maternity to the ER.

(You know, when I volunteer at the ER. You thought I was stealing babies didn't you?)

High School Musical star, Zac Efron was assaulted by a middle-aged man as he left the Apollo in London's West End last night. It didn't end in a dance off as many witnesses expected. The Daily Mail says:

"The bespectacled attacker, who was carrying a laptop computer under one arm, was then said to have lunged forward and tried to grab his hair. The startled 20-year-old, who plays Troy in the hugely successful Disney film franchise, is usually followed by crowds of swooning teenage girls. So being attacked by a middle-aged man must have given him a taste of the darker side of fame. An onlooker said: 'Some guy was just stood near the door where Zac and Vanessa emerged. He just reached over and grabbed the side of Zac's head. There was no provocation. It all turned into a bit of a mess. 'He was shouting all kinds of things at Zac. Their security team eventually dealt with it. They had to bundle Zac into a car, but at one point it looked as though the man was going to be pushed into it with him.'"

Some people might think it's weird that this dude was carrying a laptop, but in his defense, it's gets pretty boring waiting all that time in a van. I mean, once you've looked through a pair of binoculars once, you've pretty much looked through them all.

Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Corbin Bleu, and ohmygodiknow their names at the UK premiere of High School Musical 3:


Photos: Splash, Daily Mail