Aubrey O'Day has been using her official Twitter as a soft porn site for the past week now, so of course last night wasn't going to be any different. Last night being when she tweeted the banner pic with the below caption:

By POPULAR request... Tweets, welcome to my fishnets! Love/Hate: suck me in, wear me out!

I'm not seeing any fishnets, but okay, sure. She's a white girl with a great ass. My penis' target lock system has shot down a lot of these. What's the big deal?

Okay, so maybe the Marisa Miller thing was a little harsh, because I never took into account that I would be posting pictures about Aubrey O'Day this morning. She's still trying to whore out her Playboy to anybody who will listen, but too bad she looks like something Captain Kirk would fuck (NSFW/L). And that's with makeup and CGI. Imagine the unadulterated hell it would be to wake up next to this skank. Christ, I'd rather wake up with my penis in a shark's mouth.

Not sure if you can tell, but Aubrey O'Day wants everyone to know that she's in Playboy. Who knows why exactly, because just yesterday I jumped into the accelerator prematurely and leaped into the year 2541 where historians have called this the worst Playboy of all time. Theories include: no vagina and the fact that it's Aubrey O'Day. Mystical elders from that time believed that it would be hard to masturbate to something that looks like you killed it in a video game once.

Scans, Playboy photos, I had to do some trolling so that you could tell a nipple from a smudge made by previous wanking-use. Now that some real scans and images from Aubrey O'Day's Playboy spread are hitting the 'nets, I thought I'd swing by and drop them off.

She is naked, which is a plus, but there's something about her face that bothers me. But like I've always said, I'm not so much into faces as I am into facials.

Aubrey O'Day attended the release party for her Playboy issue, hosted at the Playboy mansion with Hef in attendance. So who let her wear that single piece of horrible looking blue fabric and made her up to look like some sort of Japanese sex doll from the 80's idea of the future.

Gross. She looks gross, and reminds me why mad Photoshop skillz in Playboy isn't a bad thing.

Rumor is that this is a leak of Aubrey O'Day's upcoming Playboy spread. Which, of course, sent me diligently searching the web for the rest of it. I was unsuccessful, but did go through an entire box of tissues.

When I was in college, Axe bodyspray replaced incense, air-freshener, soap and general cleaning around the dorm. If some guy puked on our rug, we'd drag it out into the streets and hit it with a can-and-a-half of Phoenix, and - BLAM! - just like new. But it's affected me negatively, because the hint of vomit, piss or feces was only masked by Axe for a precious few hours.

Now the "Axe effect" for me reminds me that we all just wallow in our own filth daily. And what better place to be reminded of the human squalor than The Sundance Film Festival in Park city, Utah. A festival that used to be about movies, but now is attended by the likes of Michelle Trachtenberg, Paris Hilton and soon-to-be Playboy'd Aubry O'Day.

And all I can smell is musk and vomit.

Taylor Momsen is either Spiderwoman or she's begun to make her own viral videos. Maybe something with nudity next? [TheHollywoodGossip]

Naomi Watts seems to have survived her birthing and managed to fart out another child without murdering her good looks. [Lainey Gossip]

Nicole Kidman's camel-toe area is apparently the one part of her that isn't botoxed. [TaxiDriverMovie]

On average, teens send 14,528 texts per month. [I'mNotObsesed]

Kim Kardashian's nipple tries to use her distracting ass to hide the fact that it can see you. [CityRag]

Aubrey O'Day will be in Playboy, because otherwise you'll forget about her completely. [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

Today's busted-ass celebrity of the day is Sarah Jessica Parker hosting “Betrayed” at the Kennedy Center. [JustJared]