When I was in college, Axe bodyspray replaced incense, air-freshener, soap and general cleaning around the dorm. If some guy puked on our rug, we'd drag it out into the streets and hit it with a can-and-a-half of Phoenix, and - BLAM! - just like new. But it's affected me negatively, because the hint of vomit, piss or feces was only masked by Axe for a precious few hours.

Now the "Axe effect" for me reminds me that we all just wallow in our own filth daily. And what better place to be reminded of the human squalor than The Sundance Film Festival in Park city, Utah. A festival that used to be about movies, but now is attended by the likes of Michelle Trachtenberg, Paris Hilton and soon-to-be Playboy'd Aubry O'Day.

And all I can smell is musk and vomit.

Taylor Momsen is either Spiderwoman or she's begun to make her own viral videos. Maybe something with nudity next? [TheHollywoodGossip]

Naomi Watts seems to have survived her birthing and managed to fart out another child without murdering her good looks. [Lainey Gossip]

Nicole Kidman's camel-toe area is apparently the one part of her that isn't botoxed. [TaxiDriverMovie]

On average, teens send 14,528 texts per month. [I'mNotObsesed]

Kim Kardashian's nipple tries to use her distracting ass to hide the fact that it can see you. [CityRag]

Aubrey O'Day will be in Playboy, because otherwise you'll forget about her completely. [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

Today's busted-ass celebrity of the day is Sarah Jessica Parker hosting “Betrayed” at the Kennedy Center. [JustJared]

I don't know what an Aubrey O'Day photoshoot involves, but her on her knees surrounded by a bunch of dudes sounds about right.

Of course she is. TMZ says:

"Aubrey O'Day has gone from wearing skankerrific clothes to get attention...to not wearing clothes at all to get attention. TMZ spies say the Danity Kane has-been spent all day at a Manhattan photo studio doing a spread for Playboy, and we're told hotshot photog Markus Klinko was the guy who had to look at her naked body all day through the lens. We're hearing there may be cats involved in the shoot -- meaning actual lion cubs, not what you're thinking."

When your idol is Jenna Jameson and you got kicked out of Danity Kane for being a skank, posing for Playboy seems like the next logical career move. Yeah, that or setting a world record with 500 naked black guys in Phantom of the Opera masks lined up behind the table you're bent over on. Good luck, Aubrey!

Aubrey O'Day still refuses to admit that she's had any plastic surgery although it's painfully obvious she's had more work done than Beyonce's hair, so I guess it's good that she showed up at the beach looking like she reads fortunes at the carnival. She's addicted to surgery, so there's no telling what's under there. I would only be slightly surprised, yet impressed, by the practicality if it was tentacles or a dorsal fin.

AnnaLynne McCord is some chick who plays somebody on the new 90210, and for some reason she wore this silver bikini thing to Christian Audigier The Nightclub in Vegas on Saturday. Thanks, I guess, but hopefully next time she can wear a Halle Berry mask, because AnnaLynne's plastic surgeon needs to be indicted on several counts of messing her face up. Or maybe he hasn't done enough work, I can't tell. Whatever is happening here looks like it involved a rodeo bull and an ice pick.

Elizabeth Hurley covers up for money [Hollywood Tuna]
Rumer Willis has orange hair (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Gemma Atkinson has a calendar [Popoholic]
Dita Von Teese has an extra homo top hat [Dlisted]
Jessica Simpson is still trying to help the Cowboys lose [Just Jared]
Russell Crowe looks like Kirstie Alley [City Rag]
Tom Cruise and Stepford Kate have another photo-op dinner [Popsugar]
The chipmunk from The Hills in more staged bikini photos [Egotastic]
Britney Spears is lying about her sex tape [Hollywood Rag]
Salma Hayek and her baby daddy are spending time together [Lainey Gossip]
Kendra Wilkinson flashes her implants again (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
The Gossip Girl boys do Details [Socialite Life]
The Dark Bailout [College Humor]

Banner photo: Aubrey O'Day making out with her dog a couple days ago.

In the October issue of Complex magazine, Aubrey O'Day doesn't go into detail about her recent plastic surgery shopping spree, but good news, she tells us other stuff. Stuff like having sex on her period and masturbating to porn. OK, sure. Why not?

Well, when you're out at clubs, you must get approached in an aggressive way.
Aubrey O'Day: I think urban guys look at me and are like, "Here's the white girl I'm gonna fuck."

Good answer. So when people hear you're best friends with Jenna Jameson, they think-
Aubrey O'Day: -I'm going to do sex tapes and porn. Jenna and I never even talk about porn. I think one time Jenna and I had a conversation about having sex on your period.

Oh, running a red light?
Aubrey O'Day: Yeah. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she's like, "Honey, it's just a little war paint, who cares?"

Still, the first time...
Aubrey O'Day: Yeah, that's what I was saying.

I guess you could just throw a towel down.
Aubrey O'Day: Ha! Yeah, I'm totally a towel girl. [Laughs.]

Is this an uncomfortable subject?
Aubrey O'Day: Oh, it's fine. I love talking about my period.

Well, I suppose it's something that can be broached with-
Aubrey O'Day: -someone you trust. Or you could just have anal sex.

Is it weird watching your BFF?
Aubrey O'Day: I watched her before she was my BFF, I don't watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, "Oh no!" I had to turn it off. It was horrible. [Ed.-Jenna famously only lets men in the front door, so we're guessing Aubrey's a little confused about the title. Up and Cummers #11, maybe?]"

Man, and I thought Aubrey O'Day was an attention whore who would do and say anything to make people want to give her a second thought. But as it turns out, she's an attention whore who would do and say anything to make people want to give her a second thought who also likes anal and period sex. I think I may have jumped to conclusions.