Avril Lavigne and her husband of three years, the monkey looking guy from Sum 41, are getting a divorce. Mostly because she's a skank. New York Daily News reports:

That seemed apparent when the Canadian songstress was out and about in Southampton last weekend - sans hubby and looking anything but married. "She wanted to get away from Deryck and have a weekend to herself," says a source close to the "Sk8er Boi" singer. A spy at celebrity eatery Georgica indeed saw Lavigne getting away - but hardly spending any time alone. Instead, says the onlooker, she was partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers. Only later in the evening did Lavigne get paranoid about what the nearby paparazzi may have captured on film. "She kept running up to the photographers and asking to see the pictures they took," says one partygoer. (We've noticed that those photos have mysteriously disappeared from at least one site on which they were posted.)

I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Avril Lavigne because she was on the cover when I was quoted in Maxim, but not enough to marry her. Mostly because she's a drunk whore (here) who says dumb shit (here and here) and she's only famous because 15-year old girls believed that a 110 pound white chick from Canada screaming about skateboards and the skating rink was punk rock. In my recent experience, the only reason 110 pound white chicks should be screaming is when I run out of lube.

Avril Lavigne was on a yacht in St. Tropez the other day, and man, I have to ask her where she got her necklace. I think it really brings out her eyes.

I don't know what happens at the VIP Room night club in Saint Tropez, but Avril Lavigne might want to call them. Because I'm pretty sure her panties and dignity might be in the lost and found.

Avril Lavigne went on stage at the Metal Skool show on Monday night and I don't want to give anything away here, so...no, wait, yes I do. She's drunk.

Avril drunk in 2006. Yes, she's pretentious and annoying, but I'd still split her like an atom:

Avril Lavigne dropped out of school at 16. In related news, she's a moron. Ninemsn reports:

Fans at Avril Lavigne's Canadian homecoming were left stunned after the singer displayed an embarrassing lack of geographical knowledge. Lavigne, 23, shocked concertgoers at her Montreal show by incorrectly stating what province she was in. "I love you Montreal, I'm so happy to be back home...in Ontario, Canada," Lavigne said to the crowd. Montreal is actually a city in Quebec."

Avril Lavigne is notoriously dumb (read more about that here and here), but in case you missed the quote, please keep in mind that Avril Lavigne is from Canada. And this concert was in Canada. She wasn't on stage in Guam, she was in the country listed on her birth certificate. And she still had no idea where she was. Here's my impression of Avril Lavigne crossing the street in front of her house: "Oh my God! Where am I?!?! AHHHH!!!!"

Hyped as a show that would "turn the tables" on the paparazzi, Ashton Kutcher's, Pop Fiction, has been tearing up the ratings with mostly yawns and bored indifference. Despite debuting only two weeks ago, celebrity gossip magazines and paparazzi are already on to everything Kutcher does, and if they miss something, you wouldn't care because you're probably more famous than most the "celebrities" on this show. Several weekly magazine editors tell Rush & Malloy:

There's nothing these people do that we don't know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It's almost like these celebs have LoJack. It's easy to track them."..."In Hollywood, anytime anyone decides to be in on the joke and critique themselves, no one cares. It's not having the effect they thought it would. No one can sympathize with celebs. They're always in on it themselves, whether they're pulling the joke or not. Another weekly editor snipes that Kutcher's E! show, which also featured Eva Longoria Parker, "is awful. It's a mostly a lot of D-listers we don't care about. [We] wouldn't cover anyone on that show - with the exception of Avril. This show won't go anywhere. No one is watching it."

Ashton Kutcher is a shitty actor whose one big idea was basically Candid Camera with celebrities and trucker hats. He's only really famous because he married Demi Moore, but even that's kinda pathetic. It must suck realizing that everybody knows your "hot" wife has had more work done that New Orleans.

So, Ashton Kutcher's dumb new show, Pop Fiction, premiered on E! last night, and in case you don't already know, it's basically Punk'd but for media and paparazzi. Last week this turned out to be staged, now here's a clip of Avril Lavigne pretending to be pregnant on Robertson Blvd. Avril Lavigne is irrelevant in the world of music, so please don't think for a minute that this isn't Avril's own desperate attempt to make the media talk about her. In the span of a week, Ashton Kutcher has made Paris Hilton more famous and used studio money to put Avril Lavigne on television. Congratulations, asshole. I can't wait until the next episode where O.J. slaps a white woman and Britney Spears eats a salad.

Celine Dion's son is still a girl [Just Jared]
Kim Kardashian's sisters are almost whores [Dlisted]
Justin Timberlake is a diva [Hollywood Rag]
Elizabeth Hurley is in a bikini [Hollywood Tuna]
Halloween Lights [College Humor]
Benicio Del Toro or Wolf Man? [City Rag]
Petra Nemcova is still trying to be famous [Egotastic]
Lindsay Lohan wrecks relationships [ASL]
Michelle Heaton slips a nip (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Olivia Wilde is a bobblehead [Popoholic]
Elvira is still alive and slutty (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Adrian Grenier looks gay [Popsugar]
My Super Sweet 16 (MTV) [Pajiba]

Avril Lavigne's super punky costume at Hyde this weekend: